89:59.999S 00:16.0W
Still at the Pole!
At 17h15 yesterday, Richard, Ruth and Michael skied into camp, tired after another long day, and I ran out to hug Ruth and give her a unique kiss on her frozen face mask, her eyes hidden behind reflective ski goggles. I could 'hear' the tears in them through the emotion of her voice. We knew this was a special moment. Somehow, roles had been reversed. Having the benefit of my two days rest, I felt I had the capacity to help her through this emotional moment, both her huge personal achievement and then our unique South Pole reunion...
A few hours later we were enjoying a wonderful bonding dinner together, followed by an organised tour of the US South Pole station. From there is was 'a few' nightcaps all on our own in the ALE tent together, sharing our experiences in an intimate way that is only
possible by two romantically linked humans!
And with that another adventure chapter closes, but I leave you with one last thought:
Last year this time (almost New Year's eve) I didn't know all the specifics of what adventures I'd be doing in 2011, including this one, but my 2011 life plan included continuing to stay challenged, inspired and living life to the limit of my physical and mental capabilities...
As it closes, 2011 has been another amazing one, the adventures have 'found me', but not by co-incidence, and I hope that in some small way following this South Pole Solo adventure of mine opens up your mind and readiness for amazing life adventures to 'find you' in 2012!
Adventures, to me, go way beyond the very physical, outdoor ones I have chosen. The spirit of adventure runs right through all our endeavours where we set challenging goals that take us outside our comfort zones towards our dreams and passions, and in the process require us to dig deep, experience joy, self fulfillment, and sharing with others, that all result in unselfish personal height!
Be bold in taking those steps into your own unknown adventure....
All the VERY best for 2012!
Showing posts with label Simply Adventure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Simply Adventure. Show all posts
Monday, January 2, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
I finally awoke from a long deep sleep...! And a big decision now made...
89:59.999S 00:16.0W
Still at the Pole!
It's been two days of virtually doing nothing... Well, one very important thing: Resting and recovering!
I have also had the chance to read all your comments on the blog, which were JUST great, and once again overwhelming....!
I logged on to the southpolesolo@mailasail.com email account, but there were just too many emails to download by satphone, so they will unfortunately have to wait until I'm back in Punta Arenas.
I've just been knocked out from the exhaustion that suddenly surfaces once one stops! It's something I've experienced a few times before, and now waiting for Ruth's expedition arrival which is a expected to be in the next few hours.... I'm pretty excited to see her, but I bet she just can't wait to stop moving and know the goal destination has been reached.
Life around here at the ALE South Pole camp has changed quite a bit since I first arrived, as three other expeditions arrived. It's always interesting talking to others who have been 'out there' and comparing / sharing experiences. One of the teams had a scary crevasse experience where the sled fell down a 30m deep crevasse, in 'the middle of nowhere', was dangling in the air with the still-taught line, tethered 'pilot', struggling to be the last resource, anchor preventing 'it all' from dropping the full 30m into a scary blue room. He was so consumed with the physical struggle he was unable to help himself, so it took a colleague to pull out a knife and cut the sled free to fall on its own the 30m! Being mountaineers, they then proceeded to abseil down into the 'blue room' to rescue the sled. It had to be totally unpacked and piece by piece removed out of the crevasse... From a solo perspective, I chillingly thought through the situation, and the life and death situation I'd clearly been spared, but that it clearly presented.
I could see from some of the comments that many of you have sensed that I've been re-visiting the decision on kiting back or not... Yeah, I always knew that the solo trip to the Pole was the 'main show', and kiting was an add-on bonus opportunity, but now I'm dealing with the practical and emotional realities...
I'd had lots of thoughts about it in the 35 days on my own, tried to understand the impact of two team members of the original five no longer being part of it, but had decided I'd wait until I'd made it to the Pole, and then had a few days regeneration time, before deciding... Well, I'm at that point now.
It's been hard to be objective and honest with myself, but eventually I've decided I'm not in the right physical and mental state to be able to REALLY enjoy the challenge of kiting back. My right foot is 'normal' again, but it's much more than that.
I could probably rustle up the will and energy to get out there and do it, but after the unbelievably intense and amazing solo trip, it's fallen way down on the 'want to do' priorities, so I'll be flying back.
I do believe that an important part of life is being able to listen to one's passions and deeper feelings, rather than just obsessively following pre-committed objectives. It's not always an easy one, hey! As others were involved, I did need to check that my decision didn't disadvantage / pain / compromise the team / individual member goals / experiences. A phone call to the ever flexible Richard Weber, the kite expedition guide / leader, confirmed my decision wouldn't compromise the team, nor any one individual. I was free to decide entirely in my own world. Was I just taking the easy route and missing out another great life experience opportunity? Would I regret it? Am I focusing on the problems / difficulties, when the joys / highlights far outweigh them? No, I'm happy with my decision, and probably most of all I can now REALLY savour the solo trip. l owe it to myself to fully enjoy what we created together, and I'm really going to do that....
Thanks for those of you who helped 'push me' towards this path too... At the time I read your comment about kiting, it DID have influence. Thank You for your insightfulness, and internalistion of my situation.
Finally, I would like to thank the following people who helped make this 'Solo but not Alone', South Pole expedition of mine such a huge experience success:
Richard Weber: In the expedition preparations Richard was always there to provide his expert advice and support on the many equipment and decisions. His unselfish mentoring on my 2010 North Pole expedition gave me the confidence to take on this solo challenge.
Josee Auclair (Richard's wife) and her team in Ottawa, Canada, who put my amazing food rations together, including customs passing and delivery to Punta Arenas.
My sister, Ros, and her husband, Bob, in California: They provide that special, intimate support that comes through family bonds.
Neil Bailey: a long-time friend and original sailing mentor of mine who, earlier this year, truly helped me through the decision to 'do it alone', and then has been truly close support throughout the preparation and the actual expedition. I know of all people Neil really understands what I've been through.
Dominique, who managed the blog and was the 7-day-a-week interface between you guys and me.
You Guys! My Blog supporters: I've expressed my gratitude and amazement at the bond we developed, but the last few days of personal reflection and comparisons with the experiences of other expeditions, I TRULY see how VERY special your support and our interaction was for 'the journey' part of my experience. Many asked how I had time and energy to write a blog at the end of a hard 11 hour day? Yeah, I only slept 6 hours a 'night' on average, but writing the blog was so natural and integral part of my whole day that I believe it had enormous, 'end of day' therapeutic value for me, and I was excited to share my intense thoughts as they came right off the Antarctic coalface... I'll be in contact with you individually soon.
ALE: For providing the logistics and infrastructure that allowed me to contemplate and then execute the expedition.
Lastly, but far from least, Ruth. She has always been fully behind me doing this expedition, and has lived through the emotional rollercoaster the journey this year has sometimes involved. Her satphone support along the way, while dealing with her own very intense experience, was invaluable and another big part of the 'Not Alone' experience.
Adios.....
Still at the Pole!
It's been two days of virtually doing nothing... Well, one very important thing: Resting and recovering!
I have also had the chance to read all your comments on the blog, which were JUST great, and once again overwhelming....!
I logged on to the southpolesolo@mailasail.com email account, but there were just too many emails to download by satphone, so they will unfortunately have to wait until I'm back in Punta Arenas.
I've just been knocked out from the exhaustion that suddenly surfaces once one stops! It's something I've experienced a few times before, and now waiting for Ruth's expedition arrival which is a expected to be in the next few hours.... I'm pretty excited to see her, but I bet she just can't wait to stop moving and know the goal destination has been reached.
Life around here at the ALE South Pole camp has changed quite a bit since I first arrived, as three other expeditions arrived. It's always interesting talking to others who have been 'out there' and comparing / sharing experiences. One of the teams had a scary crevasse experience where the sled fell down a 30m deep crevasse, in 'the middle of nowhere', was dangling in the air with the still-taught line, tethered 'pilot', struggling to be the last resource, anchor preventing 'it all' from dropping the full 30m into a scary blue room. He was so consumed with the physical struggle he was unable to help himself, so it took a colleague to pull out a knife and cut the sled free to fall on its own the 30m! Being mountaineers, they then proceeded to abseil down into the 'blue room' to rescue the sled. It had to be totally unpacked and piece by piece removed out of the crevasse... From a solo perspective, I chillingly thought through the situation, and the life and death situation I'd clearly been spared, but that it clearly presented.
I could see from some of the comments that many of you have sensed that I've been re-visiting the decision on kiting back or not... Yeah, I always knew that the solo trip to the Pole was the 'main show', and kiting was an add-on bonus opportunity, but now I'm dealing with the practical and emotional realities...
I'd had lots of thoughts about it in the 35 days on my own, tried to understand the impact of two team members of the original five no longer being part of it, but had decided I'd wait until I'd made it to the Pole, and then had a few days regeneration time, before deciding... Well, I'm at that point now.
It's been hard to be objective and honest with myself, but eventually I've decided I'm not in the right physical and mental state to be able to REALLY enjoy the challenge of kiting back. My right foot is 'normal' again, but it's much more than that.
I could probably rustle up the will and energy to get out there and do it, but after the unbelievably intense and amazing solo trip, it's fallen way down on the 'want to do' priorities, so I'll be flying back.
I do believe that an important part of life is being able to listen to one's passions and deeper feelings, rather than just obsessively following pre-committed objectives. It's not always an easy one, hey! As others were involved, I did need to check that my decision didn't disadvantage / pain / compromise the team / individual member goals / experiences. A phone call to the ever flexible Richard Weber, the kite expedition guide / leader, confirmed my decision wouldn't compromise the team, nor any one individual. I was free to decide entirely in my own world. Was I just taking the easy route and missing out another great life experience opportunity? Would I regret it? Am I focusing on the problems / difficulties, when the joys / highlights far outweigh them? No, I'm happy with my decision, and probably most of all I can now REALLY savour the solo trip. l owe it to myself to fully enjoy what we created together, and I'm really going to do that....
Thanks for those of you who helped 'push me' towards this path too... At the time I read your comment about kiting, it DID have influence. Thank You for your insightfulness, and internalistion of my situation.
Finally, I would like to thank the following people who helped make this 'Solo but not Alone', South Pole expedition of mine such a huge experience success:
Richard Weber: In the expedition preparations Richard was always there to provide his expert advice and support on the many equipment and decisions. His unselfish mentoring on my 2010 North Pole expedition gave me the confidence to take on this solo challenge.
Josee Auclair (Richard's wife) and her team in Ottawa, Canada, who put my amazing food rations together, including customs passing and delivery to Punta Arenas.
My sister, Ros, and her husband, Bob, in California: They provide that special, intimate support that comes through family bonds.
Neil Bailey: a long-time friend and original sailing mentor of mine who, earlier this year, truly helped me through the decision to 'do it alone', and then has been truly close support throughout the preparation and the actual expedition. I know of all people Neil really understands what I've been through.
Dominique, who managed the blog and was the 7-day-a-week interface between you guys and me.
You Guys! My Blog supporters: I've expressed my gratitude and amazement at the bond we developed, but the last few days of personal reflection and comparisons with the experiences of other expeditions, I TRULY see how VERY special your support and our interaction was for 'the journey' part of my experience. Many asked how I had time and energy to write a blog at the end of a hard 11 hour day? Yeah, I only slept 6 hours a 'night' on average, but writing the blog was so natural and integral part of my whole day that I believe it had enormous, 'end of day' therapeutic value for me, and I was excited to share my intense thoughts as they came right off the Antarctic coalface... I'll be in contact with you individually soon.
ALE: For providing the logistics and infrastructure that allowed me to contemplate and then execute the expedition.
Lastly, but far from least, Ruth. She has always been fully behind me doing this expedition, and has lived through the emotional rollercoaster the journey this year has sometimes involved. Her satphone support along the way, while dealing with her own very intense experience, was invaluable and another big part of the 'Not Alone' experience.
Adios.....
Monday, December 26, 2011
Day 34: The Whitest Christmas I'll ever have...! No Father Christmas so I gave myself a present!
89:37.353S 80:35.807W
Anybody out there? All at Christmas celebrations......?
A MERRY CHRISTMAS from just near the South Pole, TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!
Inching south to the end goal, just under 23 minutes of latitude left...42km!
Elevation: 2802 metres. Into the final 2800s, the plateau does have a few unexpected 'inclines'...
So it's Christmas day is it? No Santa, no decorations, no public holiday, in fact, just the same as yesterday! No, well, I did give myself a present: Only 8 hours march today, and had two luxurious relaxing hours doing 'nothing'... Sheer bliss!
I say doing "nothing", but what I did was so overwhelming it brought tears to my eyes: Firstly, I got nice and comfortable in my tent 'armchair' (yes, I have one, an indispensable item!) put my Father Christmas hat on, and then downloaded the past 3-4 days of your comments that Dominique kindly sent through on her Christmas day.... Well, guys, as I say I was overwhelmed, so much so I shouted out with joy: "This is JUST bloody incredible...Very, very SPECIAL" From all over the world too.... I'm truly lucky, and can't say how the blog and level of interaction has taken 'Solo but NOT Alone' to a level I could never have dreamed....Thanks for being such a key part of my amazing experience!!
What was great was reading about your Christmas preparations / arrangements etc, it took me right into your world too.... Simon takes the 'Belonging' prize with his 28 'people' dinner! Patrick and Brigetta take the 'most spiritual turkey' award, and Sandy gets the prize for the 'least whitest Christmas', because you SHOULD always have snow there where you are!
Please could I ask: If you comment, but aren't on the email list, could you please 'sign up', as I do want to get back to you all individually once I get back to Punta Arenas, and can really savor reliving the whole thing by reading it all in chronological order again. Thanks!
So for today:
The weather was a bit like yesterday: something of everything! I had very warm (-8C) temperature to start, then, clear skies and cold tail wind, then virtual whiteout, even snow, no wind, and finally a strongish headwind, with real poor visibility... Hmm, it's not over yet! The terrain is good up here on the plateau, but the weather is very changeable....
I've decided (if I can try and manage the last 42km) that I'll do it in two steps: 27 km tomorrow and then, 'last wilderness sleep out', and then 15 km 'final strait' to the 'finish post' the following day... That'll be my 27th Dec.
For those runners out there, all I have left is ONE standard marathon! Gee, that feels good! But why does it take me so long? Haha, polar travel requires patience!
Still haven't seen anyone else yet! Just white, and more white...
I can feel the 'end of expedition' mind creeping in: I'm find it difficult to find 'the zone' as my mind races to the finish, meeting Ruth, decisions on kiting, etc. I try and force it back into the minutes of the current march, but it's quite challenging. The mind is a VERY complex and challenging piece of us, hey! The source of all our thoughts, quite simple yet incredible!
That's it for today, enjoy your Monday holiday too...
H
Anybody out there? All at Christmas celebrations......?
A MERRY CHRISTMAS from just near the South Pole, TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!
Inching south to the end goal, just under 23 minutes of latitude left...42km!
Elevation: 2802 metres. Into the final 2800s, the plateau does have a few unexpected 'inclines'...
So it's Christmas day is it? No Santa, no decorations, no public holiday, in fact, just the same as yesterday! No, well, I did give myself a present: Only 8 hours march today, and had two luxurious relaxing hours doing 'nothing'... Sheer bliss!
I say doing "nothing", but what I did was so overwhelming it brought tears to my eyes: Firstly, I got nice and comfortable in my tent 'armchair' (yes, I have one, an indispensable item!) put my Father Christmas hat on, and then downloaded the past 3-4 days of your comments that Dominique kindly sent through on her Christmas day.... Well, guys, as I say I was overwhelmed, so much so I shouted out with joy: "This is JUST bloody incredible...Very, very SPECIAL" From all over the world too.... I'm truly lucky, and can't say how the blog and level of interaction has taken 'Solo but NOT Alone' to a level I could never have dreamed....Thanks for being such a key part of my amazing experience!!
What was great was reading about your Christmas preparations / arrangements etc, it took me right into your world too.... Simon takes the 'Belonging' prize with his 28 'people' dinner! Patrick and Brigetta take the 'most spiritual turkey' award, and Sandy gets the prize for the 'least whitest Christmas', because you SHOULD always have snow there where you are!
Please could I ask: If you comment, but aren't on the email list, could you please 'sign up', as I do want to get back to you all individually once I get back to Punta Arenas, and can really savor reliving the whole thing by reading it all in chronological order again. Thanks!
So for today:
The weather was a bit like yesterday: something of everything! I had very warm (-8C) temperature to start, then, clear skies and cold tail wind, then virtual whiteout, even snow, no wind, and finally a strongish headwind, with real poor visibility... Hmm, it's not over yet! The terrain is good up here on the plateau, but the weather is very changeable....
I've decided (if I can try and manage the last 42km) that I'll do it in two steps: 27 km tomorrow and then, 'last wilderness sleep out', and then 15 km 'final strait' to the 'finish post' the following day... That'll be my 27th Dec.
For those runners out there, all I have left is ONE standard marathon! Gee, that feels good! But why does it take me so long? Haha, polar travel requires patience!
Still haven't seen anyone else yet! Just white, and more white...
I can feel the 'end of expedition' mind creeping in: I'm find it difficult to find 'the zone' as my mind races to the finish, meeting Ruth, decisions on kiting, etc. I try and force it back into the minutes of the current march, but it's quite challenging. The mind is a VERY complex and challenging piece of us, hey! The source of all our thoughts, quite simple yet incredible!
That's it for today, enjoy your Monday holiday too...
H
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 28: Freedom, capitulation and prisons... A different day!
88:13.956S 81:30.713W
Yeah, a low distance day, just on my 'minimum acceptable'! Only 25 km done, but 'All OK' in today's capitulated paradigm.
Elevation: 2 678 metres, least climb ever. So why not better distance, you may ask? See below....
What a funny day....
As I said in yesterday's post, I knew I was caught in this 'can't ski easily, and can't walk easily' terrain position, and was needing to change my paradigm. The terrain largely remained the same so I was initially restless, constantly thinking of changing between walking and skiing, not a good place to be. After an initial -23C and moderate crosswind, it went warm and still, cloudless sky, and just a PERFECT day. A real day to be soaked up and enjoyed, and really appreciate the luxury of the pure mind space this ice nothingness can give. To enjoy the journey!
After seeing 3.1 km for the first hour, I sensed that new paradigm better be developed quickly, or else I was going to be one hellluva frustrated guy by the end of the day!
You may have noticed that I use the words "capitulation" and "prison" a lot? They are strong, motive words, and ones that lie on the other side of the line from Freedom. Freedom is something I value hugely, and find fascinating, and basically in 2004, when I left Sydney, the business world, and shed all my possessions, to start the 'Simply Adventure' life, it was largely about going to find myself and explore Freedom: how it works, what - if anything - defines the limits, and how I could find a life that had maximum freedom, but was also holistic and meaningful. I am pretty confident, and hopefully you don't see it as arrogant, in saying that over the 7 years, I pushed the limits, and went where few have gone, in terms of experiencing close to total freedom. Total freedom being the ability to act, speak, and think without restraint. I had perceived that 'we', all / most people have capitulated freedom, have accepted the constraints, restraints and perceived limitations in their life situation, and in doing so create a 'prison' where there no keys; the prison warders are non-negotiable, and so there is no way out, so one then capitulates to accept that IS life and one then makes the very best of it and the prison isn't even recognisable. In fact it becomes very cosy, a source of great social belonging, and meaningful purpose.
One even goes as far as being deluded into thinking that one has 'total' Freedom. That's what I call the capitulated freedom. Prison is a harsh word, because most of us find our 'prison' a pretty OK 'place' to live. By not fighting the restraints / constraints, one is not restless and searching for more freedom, but rather fully involved in making the 'Now' of the prison work and deliver contentment. I think Patrick, in one of his comments on the blog, referred to the Buddhist approach which says something along the lines that life IS suffering, and the sooner we accept that the more content and less expectant and disappointed we will be... In my view, that's supporting what I say above: life is like being in a 'suffering prison' - just capitulate and accept it, and it won't feel like a prison, you'll be free!
So, back to here on the ice in Antarctica... Am I in ultimate freedom, or a minute, solitary confinement cell of the worst degree? Well here on the ice it is quite a small 'prison' for me, even in the nothingness of Antarctica. I'm pretty much restricted in what I can do, choices, etc. Yes I can behave speak and think almost without constraint, but essentially it's a tight prison; one of every day involving 11 hours. Hard labour too!
The freedom comes in me voluntarily deciding to step in to explore the Solo to South Pole prison and to experience its restraints! To do this, I need to go through a serious capitulation process, before I can thin k it enjoy my prison. I have to accept that that's what life is, there are no outs, no warder with a key, I'm in for 35+ days, and that's non negotiable. Once I accept that I become pseudo free, and am on the path to contentment in my new life. That's why I felt so unneedy at the halfway point, in my restrained world I had everything!
Yesterday, the very slow terrain made my prison get even smaller, and so today I needed a new paradigm of capitulation to deal with its tighter constraints, or go mad! Some may think that this posting confirms: "I went mad!" On this blog, everyone has Freedom of opinion!
Well, the way I capitulated was to take away my 30 km/day goal, and to just accept whatever distance I do, but for me to get FULLY into the Now of being out here in this special place. And so that's what I did: appreciated the sastrugi, lots of photos, stopped often and took in with awe the 360 degree 'horizonless' space, and spent quality time articulating these freedom/prison capitulation thoughts.
In my book that is STILL 'work in progress', Freedom and these concepts are given very REAL practical support, as adventure by definition creates this extraordinary combination of freedom, and yet a necessary, daily micro prison.
In conclusion, I believe we all need 'prisons' because that's where significant things get done, relationships for me, and huge personal learning can take place. But how can one get Freedom as well? That, to me, is the holy grail of life, and I've tried to get the unlikely combination through the 'Simply Adventure' life philosophy which involves regular breakaways from true freedom into voluntary but highly constrained adventure 'prisons' like this 'stroll to the Pole'.
And finally, I guess I read many of your comments relating to my adventure 'inspiring' you to make some change, embark on your own South Pole.... Yes, that's making the decision not to be content with your 'prison' anymore, and to go explore a bigger and less constraining one, one that takes you closer to REAL freedom.... It needs courage, belief in yourself, and a vision / dream for more out of life... Not really a Buddhist approach, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong; your 'gut' will tell you what's right for YOU!
I can HONESTLY say each time I've made the sometimes hard and lonely decision to break out and seek a new, larger, less restraining prison, I've been rewarded with more freedom, but maybe more importantly, personal enlightenment and spiritual learning...
Many ask me if I ever regret walking away from life in Sydney to 'Simply Adventure', and my answer always remains:
Given what I now know about myself and have experienced in the last 7 years, I'd be 'violently angry' if either the 'dream thief' had come along and taken me off this planet before I could have experienced it, or I was still forced to be living a 'normal' life in Sydney, or wherever! That's just my perspective in the context of ME and all my baggage. How this all applies to you is for you to either instantly dump or work through for your life choices.
That's what day 28 produced...
Damn, if I had been more end goal focused, marched for 12+ hours, I'd only have 190 km to the Pole, instead of the 195km that I do have!
I hope you enjoyed the different day too...?
It's a beautiful, warm -12C outside, TOTAL silence, quite special... The tent will be warm for sleeping tonight.
Bye
Yeah, a low distance day, just on my 'minimum acceptable'! Only 25 km done, but 'All OK' in today's capitulated paradigm.
Elevation: 2 678 metres, least climb ever. So why not better distance, you may ask? See below....
What a funny day....
As I said in yesterday's post, I knew I was caught in this 'can't ski easily, and can't walk easily' terrain position, and was needing to change my paradigm. The terrain largely remained the same so I was initially restless, constantly thinking of changing between walking and skiing, not a good place to be. After an initial -23C and moderate crosswind, it went warm and still, cloudless sky, and just a PERFECT day. A real day to be soaked up and enjoyed, and really appreciate the luxury of the pure mind space this ice nothingness can give. To enjoy the journey!
After seeing 3.1 km for the first hour, I sensed that new paradigm better be developed quickly, or else I was going to be one hellluva frustrated guy by the end of the day!
You may have noticed that I use the words "capitulation" and "prison" a lot? They are strong, motive words, and ones that lie on the other side of the line from Freedom. Freedom is something I value hugely, and find fascinating, and basically in 2004, when I left Sydney, the business world, and shed all my possessions, to start the 'Simply Adventure' life, it was largely about going to find myself and explore Freedom: how it works, what - if anything - defines the limits, and how I could find a life that had maximum freedom, but was also holistic and meaningful. I am pretty confident, and hopefully you don't see it as arrogant, in saying that over the 7 years, I pushed the limits, and went where few have gone, in terms of experiencing close to total freedom. Total freedom being the ability to act, speak, and think without restraint. I had perceived that 'we', all / most people have capitulated freedom, have accepted the constraints, restraints and perceived limitations in their life situation, and in doing so create a 'prison' where there no keys; the prison warders are non-negotiable, and so there is no way out, so one then capitulates to accept that IS life and one then makes the very best of it and the prison isn't even recognisable. In fact it becomes very cosy, a source of great social belonging, and meaningful purpose.
One even goes as far as being deluded into thinking that one has 'total' Freedom. That's what I call the capitulated freedom. Prison is a harsh word, because most of us find our 'prison' a pretty OK 'place' to live. By not fighting the restraints / constraints, one is not restless and searching for more freedom, but rather fully involved in making the 'Now' of the prison work and deliver contentment. I think Patrick, in one of his comments on the blog, referred to the Buddhist approach which says something along the lines that life IS suffering, and the sooner we accept that the more content and less expectant and disappointed we will be... In my view, that's supporting what I say above: life is like being in a 'suffering prison' - just capitulate and accept it, and it won't feel like a prison, you'll be free!
So, back to here on the ice in Antarctica... Am I in ultimate freedom, or a minute, solitary confinement cell of the worst degree? Well here on the ice it is quite a small 'prison' for me, even in the nothingness of Antarctica. I'm pretty much restricted in what I can do, choices, etc. Yes I can behave speak and think almost without constraint, but essentially it's a tight prison; one of every day involving 11 hours. Hard labour too!
The freedom comes in me voluntarily deciding to step in to explore the Solo to South Pole prison and to experience its restraints! To do this, I need to go through a serious capitulation process, before I can thin k it enjoy my prison. I have to accept that that's what life is, there are no outs, no warder with a key, I'm in for 35+ days, and that's non negotiable. Once I accept that I become pseudo free, and am on the path to contentment in my new life. That's why I felt so unneedy at the halfway point, in my restrained world I had everything!
Yesterday, the very slow terrain made my prison get even smaller, and so today I needed a new paradigm of capitulation to deal with its tighter constraints, or go mad! Some may think that this posting confirms: "I went mad!" On this blog, everyone has Freedom of opinion!
Well, the way I capitulated was to take away my 30 km/day goal, and to just accept whatever distance I do, but for me to get FULLY into the Now of being out here in this special place. And so that's what I did: appreciated the sastrugi, lots of photos, stopped often and took in with awe the 360 degree 'horizonless' space, and spent quality time articulating these freedom/prison capitulation thoughts.
In my book that is STILL 'work in progress', Freedom and these concepts are given very REAL practical support, as adventure by definition creates this extraordinary combination of freedom, and yet a necessary, daily micro prison.
In conclusion, I believe we all need 'prisons' because that's where significant things get done, relationships for me, and huge personal learning can take place. But how can one get Freedom as well? That, to me, is the holy grail of life, and I've tried to get the unlikely combination through the 'Simply Adventure' life philosophy which involves regular breakaways from true freedom into voluntary but highly constrained adventure 'prisons' like this 'stroll to the Pole'.
And finally, I guess I read many of your comments relating to my adventure 'inspiring' you to make some change, embark on your own South Pole.... Yes, that's making the decision not to be content with your 'prison' anymore, and to go explore a bigger and less constraining one, one that takes you closer to REAL freedom.... It needs courage, belief in yourself, and a vision / dream for more out of life... Not really a Buddhist approach, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong; your 'gut' will tell you what's right for YOU!
I can HONESTLY say each time I've made the sometimes hard and lonely decision to break out and seek a new, larger, less restraining prison, I've been rewarded with more freedom, but maybe more importantly, personal enlightenment and spiritual learning...
Many ask me if I ever regret walking away from life in Sydney to 'Simply Adventure', and my answer always remains:
Given what I now know about myself and have experienced in the last 7 years, I'd be 'violently angry' if either the 'dream thief' had come along and taken me off this planet before I could have experienced it, or I was still forced to be living a 'normal' life in Sydney, or wherever! That's just my perspective in the context of ME and all my baggage. How this all applies to you is for you to either instantly dump or work through for your life choices.
That's what day 28 produced...
Damn, if I had been more end goal focused, marched for 12+ hours, I'd only have 190 km to the Pole, instead of the 195km that I do have!
I hope you enjoyed the different day too...?
It's a beautiful, warm -12C outside, TOTAL silence, quite special... The tent will be warm for sleeping tonight.
Bye
Monday, December 12, 2011
Day 21: Not much happened today... but that's good!
86:39.910S 82:20.341W
Elevation: 1892 metres, up only 56 from yesterday.
Firstly, I have today received your blog comments from Dominique... Gee, it's just fantastic reading all your support, views, questions, etc.... I'm overwhelmed, and you have no idea how motivating they all are for me. THANK YOU, but also what I see is that we have a great joint adventure on the go... A special team, it's wonderful! Glad you guys are enjoying it, I'm really loving having you along, it's raising the whole experience to an unprecedented level! I'll try and answer your questions in the postings, as appropriate.
Well it 'would have' been a new record today, but I ended up stopping 1/2 hour early, as foot was starting to pain big time, and I thought best to stop, before damage. Anyway, a great 30.1 km done for the day.
Today was a REAL 'no event' day The weather was amazing, no wind all day, blue sky, and relatively warm, but the terrain was monotonously boring, unlike yesterday. I guess in all this vastness, I can expect a few days like this. They are very mentally challenging though....! Better than fog, blizzard, etc, so I am DEFINITELY not complaining!
The main event was that I had to have a pooh along the ski! Very unusual, maybe I'm eating too much! Anyway it sounds liike a pretty non-event, but it isn't: First the build up to the decision, as I don't really want to have to stop, but it gets clearer and clearer that I won't last out until camp at end of day. So once the decision is made, a suitable sastrugi must be found...One that has 'access' and a 'cavity' that can be covered in afterwards by collapsing the sastrugi mound, as my shovel is not readily accessible... Can't leave such an unsightly 'foreign object' in pristine Antarctica. It just doesn't seem rright!
Found it, now the hardwork starts: park the sled, remove and drop my poles, unclip and take off backpack, remove skis, remove outer mitts, so one sort of has fngers again, store mitts, remove hands-free compass from around neck... Oh, it's entangled with the GPS neck chord... Hmm, swearing!
Next it's off with windsuit top, so I can access trouser braces, hmmm, it's quite cold, time to move fast, hope nobody is watching....! Then drop trousers, facing away from the light wind, but right over the chosen sastrugi cavity! Now the easy part: having the pooh! Perfect accuracy, all that remains is to break over the sastrugi so it falls over the now 'spoiled' cavity, and everything looks natural and born here again. Then it's putting all the stuff back on, and some 15 minutes later I'm back skiing! (My pants do have a real access velcro fastened flap, but this isn't good for me.) So, I'll try not have too do that again... Planning the body hey!
On a not too disimilar vein: Many of you will know this, but it is one of the things about cold weather outdoor activities that drives me nuts, sometimes I could almost cry I get so 'useless': As it gets colder one has to put more layers on, layers of trousers, layers of tops, and layers of gloves / mitts. Well each layer makes things more complex, and you more 'useless' trying to help yourself, and you also start feeling like clumsy Michelin man! I get so frustrated not being able to do a simple 'bare finger' task, as my mitts get in the way, or I have no fingers to undo something... Sounds simple, but when you have all this gear on, it's because it's REALLY cold, and that's when you need things done quickly so you aren't standing still, getting cold... And so too much fumbling around and a cold spiral begins! Not fun, specially for my impatience!
It is a BEAUTIFUL evening out here 'tonight', totally stilll, wind and sound, the sun is streaming onto my tent so it's warm inside, and solar panel charge rate is at max, I have unlimited suply of the purest water around, this is free living!
Interestingly, I decided to not bring any artificial 'boredom distractors' along, eg iPOD, MP3, etc. I love music, and reading books, but on all my adventures I have a golden rule that says I'm JUST going to deal with the environment 'one on one', as naked as possible, so I can listen to 'Nature', experience it, and take it all in... I can listen to my iPOD anywhere, anyday, but I can't listen to Antarctica often. The so called 'boredom' is part of the whole experience that I signed up for, why try annd selectively screen it out. I feel very strongly about this, and have huge debates with some who wants to listen to books while they ski or bicycle, or whatever.... Each too their own, but I will not go there, and find that what happens is my senses get more sensitive and deliver an even deeper experience.
So continueing the 'Not Wasting Life' thread from yesterday: (it will take a few days to get through this. That's if you haven't got disillusioned along the way!)
In our lives we have what I call our 'signiificant activities', those 3-5 things where we spend most of our time in a year. So look back on your last year and try and come up with those 3-5. These aren't the functional things, like eat, sleep, hygiene, etc. For most 'normal' life people, they maybe things like, work, nurture a relationship(s), participate in extramural activity, enertainment, etc... You must get the list down to no more than 3-5, capturing where you spend your time.
Now where we spend significant time we obviously do it for a reason, either we just love doing it, or we do it for a desired outcome, or both reasons.
So for each of the 3-5 think through why you do the activity? Then...
Ask yourself, firstly: Does your soul 'feel good' everyday (or most days) you do the activity? We all know when our soul feels good, I'm not expanding more on that! But are you happy, passionate, excited regularly by the activity?
If your answer is "YES", you are not wasting your life in that activity, but unless you have a "Yes" answer for the next question you may not be achieving the most worthwhile personal life value out of that activity.
The second question is:
Do you HIGHLY value the potential outcome / product / result of continuing the activity? Will this outcome give you Personal Height? Remember all these activities have some interim, ongoing or end 'result'... Including nurturing relationships etc.
If you answer "Yes" as well to this question, then you DEFINITELY aren't wasting your life in this area, and are actually on the purpose Holy Grail path - ie you love what you do, and the OUTCOME of doing it is highly valued, and will give you Personal Height.
'No' answers for both questions for an activity clearly point to a serious 'Wasting Life' situation. You need to make big change and soon!
A "No" for question 1, but a "Yes" for question 2, puts you in a high risk of wasting your life situation - i.e. you don't like what you do 'each day', but you want the end point outcome from the day's activity. This is often unsustainable, and happiness / satisfaction is too linked to the end goal, so if the end goal isn't achieved, 'you' would have wasted your life in this area... Let's take the activity of 'Work': I meet many who hate their jobs (ie a 'No' for question 1), yet need the monthly, annual, etc, income it provides, or are waiting for stock options to expire, etc (a 'yes' for question 2). These people are on a fine line between wasting their lives or not.
This two question test is equally applicable to a mother raising kids as it is to a businessman or an adventurer like me... I have tested the concept across these vastly different people with different 3-5 life actiivities, and the 'wasting life' principle applied across all...
Not sure if this all makes sense.... I'll add a last piece tomorrow, once I've thought about what I have written here on the big walk tomorrow!
Gee, I never thought I'd get into all this while out here, but I guess it's the freedom of thought and meditation time that facilitates it... One of you insightfully picked up that we don't do enough thinking / meditating, well this adventure and my way of life in general offers me a huge amount! In fact one of my 3-5 life activities is ' Thinking', by my own lifestyle design... Now isn't that cool or bloody weird?
Ok, cheers again.
PS: It was a year ago, my 1st ex wife, Trish, died of cancer, and my thoughts are with many of my followers who were close to her. I have other friends fighting with cancer and dealing with their own more extreme solo South Pole challenge...To them I wish you all the strength and courage to win the battle.
Elevation: 1892 metres, up only 56 from yesterday.
Firstly, I have today received your blog comments from Dominique... Gee, it's just fantastic reading all your support, views, questions, etc.... I'm overwhelmed, and you have no idea how motivating they all are for me. THANK YOU, but also what I see is that we have a great joint adventure on the go... A special team, it's wonderful! Glad you guys are enjoying it, I'm really loving having you along, it's raising the whole experience to an unprecedented level! I'll try and answer your questions in the postings, as appropriate.
Well it 'would have' been a new record today, but I ended up stopping 1/2 hour early, as foot was starting to pain big time, and I thought best to stop, before damage. Anyway, a great 30.1 km done for the day.
Today was a REAL 'no event' day The weather was amazing, no wind all day, blue sky, and relatively warm, but the terrain was monotonously boring, unlike yesterday. I guess in all this vastness, I can expect a few days like this. They are very mentally challenging though....! Better than fog, blizzard, etc, so I am DEFINITELY not complaining!
The main event was that I had to have a pooh along the ski! Very unusual, maybe I'm eating too much! Anyway it sounds liike a pretty non-event, but it isn't: First the build up to the decision, as I don't really want to have to stop, but it gets clearer and clearer that I won't last out until camp at end of day. So once the decision is made, a suitable sastrugi must be found...One that has 'access' and a 'cavity' that can be covered in afterwards by collapsing the sastrugi mound, as my shovel is not readily accessible... Can't leave such an unsightly 'foreign object' in pristine Antarctica. It just doesn't seem rright!
Found it, now the hardwork starts: park the sled, remove and drop my poles, unclip and take off backpack, remove skis, remove outer mitts, so one sort of has fngers again, store mitts, remove hands-free compass from around neck... Oh, it's entangled with the GPS neck chord... Hmm, swearing!
Next it's off with windsuit top, so I can access trouser braces, hmmm, it's quite cold, time to move fast, hope nobody is watching....! Then drop trousers, facing away from the light wind, but right over the chosen sastrugi cavity! Now the easy part: having the pooh! Perfect accuracy, all that remains is to break over the sastrugi so it falls over the now 'spoiled' cavity, and everything looks natural and born here again. Then it's putting all the stuff back on, and some 15 minutes later I'm back skiing! (My pants do have a real access velcro fastened flap, but this isn't good for me.) So, I'll try not have too do that again... Planning the body hey!
On a not too disimilar vein: Many of you will know this, but it is one of the things about cold weather outdoor activities that drives me nuts, sometimes I could almost cry I get so 'useless': As it gets colder one has to put more layers on, layers of trousers, layers of tops, and layers of gloves / mitts. Well each layer makes things more complex, and you more 'useless' trying to help yourself, and you also start feeling like clumsy Michelin man! I get so frustrated not being able to do a simple 'bare finger' task, as my mitts get in the way, or I have no fingers to undo something... Sounds simple, but when you have all this gear on, it's because it's REALLY cold, and that's when you need things done quickly so you aren't standing still, getting cold... And so too much fumbling around and a cold spiral begins! Not fun, specially for my impatience!
It is a BEAUTIFUL evening out here 'tonight', totally stilll, wind and sound, the sun is streaming onto my tent so it's warm inside, and solar panel charge rate is at max, I have unlimited suply of the purest water around, this is free living!
Interestingly, I decided to not bring any artificial 'boredom distractors' along, eg iPOD, MP3, etc. I love music, and reading books, but on all my adventures I have a golden rule that says I'm JUST going to deal with the environment 'one on one', as naked as possible, so I can listen to 'Nature', experience it, and take it all in... I can listen to my iPOD anywhere, anyday, but I can't listen to Antarctica often. The so called 'boredom' is part of the whole experience that I signed up for, why try annd selectively screen it out. I feel very strongly about this, and have huge debates with some who wants to listen to books while they ski or bicycle, or whatever.... Each too their own, but I will not go there, and find that what happens is my senses get more sensitive and deliver an even deeper experience.
So continueing the 'Not Wasting Life' thread from yesterday: (it will take a few days to get through this. That's if you haven't got disillusioned along the way!)
In our lives we have what I call our 'signiificant activities', those 3-5 things where we spend most of our time in a year. So look back on your last year and try and come up with those 3-5. These aren't the functional things, like eat, sleep, hygiene, etc. For most 'normal' life people, they maybe things like, work, nurture a relationship(s), participate in extramural activity, enertainment, etc... You must get the list down to no more than 3-5, capturing where you spend your time.
Now where we spend significant time we obviously do it for a reason, either we just love doing it, or we do it for a desired outcome, or both reasons.
So for each of the 3-5 think through why you do the activity? Then...
Ask yourself, firstly: Does your soul 'feel good' everyday (or most days) you do the activity? We all know when our soul feels good, I'm not expanding more on that! But are you happy, passionate, excited regularly by the activity?
If your answer is "YES", you are not wasting your life in that activity, but unless you have a "Yes" answer for the next question you may not be achieving the most worthwhile personal life value out of that activity.
The second question is:
Do you HIGHLY value the potential outcome / product / result of continuing the activity? Will this outcome give you Personal Height? Remember all these activities have some interim, ongoing or end 'result'... Including nurturing relationships etc.
If you answer "Yes" as well to this question, then you DEFINITELY aren't wasting your life in this area, and are actually on the purpose Holy Grail path - ie you love what you do, and the OUTCOME of doing it is highly valued, and will give you Personal Height.
'No' answers for both questions for an activity clearly point to a serious 'Wasting Life' situation. You need to make big change and soon!
A "No" for question 1, but a "Yes" for question 2, puts you in a high risk of wasting your life situation - i.e. you don't like what you do 'each day', but you want the end point outcome from the day's activity. This is often unsustainable, and happiness / satisfaction is too linked to the end goal, so if the end goal isn't achieved, 'you' would have wasted your life in this area... Let's take the activity of 'Work': I meet many who hate their jobs (ie a 'No' for question 1), yet need the monthly, annual, etc, income it provides, or are waiting for stock options to expire, etc (a 'yes' for question 2). These people are on a fine line between wasting their lives or not.
This two question test is equally applicable to a mother raising kids as it is to a businessman or an adventurer like me... I have tested the concept across these vastly different people with different 3-5 life actiivities, and the 'wasting life' principle applied across all...
Not sure if this all makes sense.... I'll add a last piece tomorrow, once I've thought about what I have written here on the big walk tomorrow!
Gee, I never thought I'd get into all this while out here, but I guess it's the freedom of thought and meditation time that facilitates it... One of you insightfully picked up that we don't do enough thinking / meditating, well this adventure and my way of life in general offers me a huge amount! In fact one of my 3-5 life activities is ' Thinking', by my own lifestyle design... Now isn't that cool or bloody weird?
Ok, cheers again.
PS: It was a year ago, my 1st ex wife, Trish, died of cancer, and my thoughts are with many of my followers who were close to her. I have other friends fighting with cancer and dealing with their own more extreme solo South Pole challenge...To them I wish you all the strength and courage to win the battle.
Day 20: Exhilarating skiing, Antartica tests my spirit...
86:23.777S 82:35.361W
Elevation: 1 836 metres... Approaching the big 2000m! Today starting out was the 1st day I felt a bit of thinish air!
Hey, what an exciting day... Well, relative to my tough, mentally-challenging, 'normal' routine...
Firstly, I achieved my best daily average to date, 3.3 km/h for 9 hours, and yes that makes it a 30 km day! It wasn't all easy, but there was fun. I was so happy with that, you can't believe how good it felt taking off my boots, and climbing into my little tent, ready to devour a huge meal... Heaven on ice! What is always a bit scary when my boots come off is how my feet throb big time!
The day started with pretty average sastrugi, but almost windless for a change. The ice was pretty good, and I did good mileage for the first two hours, and then I hit the 'Serengeti of Antarctica', you'll see why I call it that further below. This plain that opened out in front of me was TOTALLY sastrugi free, and looked almost like a snow groomed, ski park... Well, was this fun, just what I have been waiting for for a while now. Suddenly 'we' were REALLY skiing, gliding along at amazing speed, feeling like magic motion, and the rhythm just flowed. The incessant tug, tug, tug from 'my friend' the sled was no longer there as the continuous glide meant the pull power was constant, making for a pleasant ride. It's like a boat on the water that suddenly starts gong fast enough that it 'lifts itself' out of the water and gets onto a much faster, low resistance plane. I was feeling so good, all my cross country skiing training at Snowfarm in New Zealand was now paying off... There was just the quiet sound of the ski glides, it was also fun and exhilarating, so much so that I even missed the stop time for a break... And that NEVER happens!
I was just then thinking about you guys and what I'd write about this in the blog, and next thing 'my friend' gave me a huge tug back that saw my shoulders go backwards, feet and skis in the air and me flat on my bum on the ground. I haven't had one of these for days, and this time, instead of getting angry with myself, I burst out laughing... I 'realised' I had run away with myself in the blog thinking, and 'my friend' needed to remind me that it wasn't all Howard good skiing, it was also 'her' slimmed down weight and performance glide rails! There I was, going to take all the credit! I agreed, and apologised, and we never had another problem again! This continued for 3 hours, the kilometres flew by, and my average speed hit 3.7 km/h at its peak. The scenery was breathtaking in its smooth starkness, but as I looked ahead, I knew it couldn't last....
Different sloping terrain has a slightly different ice white shade, and before me was this slightly more grey. A steep hill...
Well at the base of the hill was a sastrugi obstacle course that rapidly changed 'our' rhythm and then we were soon right into the realities of the hill that virtually on its own gave today's elevation gain. What a contrast. Antarctica was trying to break my spirit... It was straight back into noisy, slow 'plodding'. I've done quite a bit of that over the past few days, but the contrast to the 'Serengeti' was spirit breaking! With the plodding comes a motion like the gangling man, with two walking sticks, limbering from side to side tugging the sled each time, with a counter yank to the back and shoulders. The 'walking sticks' make a desperate grunt and squeak on the ice as they bite into the ice providing an anchor from sliding back, and stability, with some propulsion over the ice boulder terrain. The skis now make a loud, irritating clatter as I am forced to walk step by step, with unlikely efficient skis as shoes. The final humiliation comes as I glance to my left and have to watch my ridiculous looking shadow. It confirms I look like a drunken tramp, stumbling ahead, complete with all my belongs in a backpack and mattress strapped to its back! At the break, the GPS makes for depressing reading, as at 2.5 km/h it confirms Antarctica is trying to break my soul!
I finally make it to the top of the hill, and with relief I stop to view from where I have cometh: Well the view back was breathtaking, from the bottom of the hill the Antarctic serengiti, where I had had so much fun, stretched out to the far horizon as a lighter shade of shimmering ice white, without a blemish, save for three largish charcoal coloured 'lakes' that were formed by shadows for clouds in the sky.
With the hill behind me the last two hours of the day were not easy terrain but run on the motivation that 30km day was in reach if I focused!
Another good weather day, a little cross wind for a change and 'fairly cold' temperature.
I was hoping to dip below the 400km to-go mark, but at 403 that will have to wait till tomorrow.
Right, so back to the Purpose of Life!
Just put my down jacket on as it's getting a bit cold in the tent... I'm aleady in my sleeping bag, sitting up typing on the little PDA that is connected to the solar panel on my tent roof... Just to bring you right here with me. Now I carry on with my North Pole insight:
Firstly the purpose is to be a NETT GIVER in the world - ie in the broad scope of things over one's whole life one needs to have given more than taken. This is a 'gut feel' thing, but being on the dole, living off a community, not paying its taxes, cheating others, depending on others, or using them, without giving back, or helping others are all nett taking activities. I'm sure you can work out where you fit in. Anyway that's a BASIC for life purpose....
This may seem like a cop-out now, but...
I believe, trying to solve the question of "What is the purpose of life" is wasted effort as like a few other macro life issues, this one is one of our life mysteries and in not having a specific answer one is kept wondering and it's this unsolved concept that keeps us searching, exploring, learning and above all alive. If the answer was known to everyone, life would be boring... So...
On the Arctic that memorable day I concluded that rather than trying to find the answer to the question, we should rather just make sure: We don't WASTE our lives!
Waste is a very negative and harsh word, but it's meant to be, because to quote the old saying: "Life is short", so anytime we are wasting it it's quite a serious personal 'life cime'.
I sense those who aren't wasting their lives never have the need to answer the "What is the Purpose of Life?" question... They are living 'Their Purpose', and feel content.
So, this all begs the question: When are we wasting our lives, in terms of this 'Purpose of Life' concept?
Well that's where the Arctic thinking took me further, to how does one work out whether one is wasting one's life? But that's for tomorrow! There is a sound basis for testing; it's not all woolly stuff, so stay tuned!
I don't have to say it but I will: Please feel free to comment, either negative or positive, all adds value...
Cheers for today
Elevation: 1 836 metres... Approaching the big 2000m! Today starting out was the 1st day I felt a bit of thinish air!
Hey, what an exciting day... Well, relative to my tough, mentally-challenging, 'normal' routine...
Firstly, I achieved my best daily average to date, 3.3 km/h for 9 hours, and yes that makes it a 30 km day! It wasn't all easy, but there was fun. I was so happy with that, you can't believe how good it felt taking off my boots, and climbing into my little tent, ready to devour a huge meal... Heaven on ice! What is always a bit scary when my boots come off is how my feet throb big time!
The day started with pretty average sastrugi, but almost windless for a change. The ice was pretty good, and I did good mileage for the first two hours, and then I hit the 'Serengeti of Antarctica', you'll see why I call it that further below. This plain that opened out in front of me was TOTALLY sastrugi free, and looked almost like a snow groomed, ski park... Well, was this fun, just what I have been waiting for for a while now. Suddenly 'we' were REALLY skiing, gliding along at amazing speed, feeling like magic motion, and the rhythm just flowed. The incessant tug, tug, tug from 'my friend' the sled was no longer there as the continuous glide meant the pull power was constant, making for a pleasant ride. It's like a boat on the water that suddenly starts gong fast enough that it 'lifts itself' out of the water and gets onto a much faster, low resistance plane. I was feeling so good, all my cross country skiing training at Snowfarm in New Zealand was now paying off... There was just the quiet sound of the ski glides, it was also fun and exhilarating, so much so that I even missed the stop time for a break... And that NEVER happens!
I was just then thinking about you guys and what I'd write about this in the blog, and next thing 'my friend' gave me a huge tug back that saw my shoulders go backwards, feet and skis in the air and me flat on my bum on the ground. I haven't had one of these for days, and this time, instead of getting angry with myself, I burst out laughing... I 'realised' I had run away with myself in the blog thinking, and 'my friend' needed to remind me that it wasn't all Howard good skiing, it was also 'her' slimmed down weight and performance glide rails! There I was, going to take all the credit! I agreed, and apologised, and we never had another problem again! This continued for 3 hours, the kilometres flew by, and my average speed hit 3.7 km/h at its peak. The scenery was breathtaking in its smooth starkness, but as I looked ahead, I knew it couldn't last....
Different sloping terrain has a slightly different ice white shade, and before me was this slightly more grey. A steep hill...
Well at the base of the hill was a sastrugi obstacle course that rapidly changed 'our' rhythm and then we were soon right into the realities of the hill that virtually on its own gave today's elevation gain. What a contrast. Antarctica was trying to break my spirit... It was straight back into noisy, slow 'plodding'. I've done quite a bit of that over the past few days, but the contrast to the 'Serengeti' was spirit breaking! With the plodding comes a motion like the gangling man, with two walking sticks, limbering from side to side tugging the sled each time, with a counter yank to the back and shoulders. The 'walking sticks' make a desperate grunt and squeak on the ice as they bite into the ice providing an anchor from sliding back, and stability, with some propulsion over the ice boulder terrain. The skis now make a loud, irritating clatter as I am forced to walk step by step, with unlikely efficient skis as shoes. The final humiliation comes as I glance to my left and have to watch my ridiculous looking shadow. It confirms I look like a drunken tramp, stumbling ahead, complete with all my belongs in a backpack and mattress strapped to its back! At the break, the GPS makes for depressing reading, as at 2.5 km/h it confirms Antarctica is trying to break my soul!
I finally make it to the top of the hill, and with relief I stop to view from where I have cometh: Well the view back was breathtaking, from the bottom of the hill the Antarctic serengiti, where I had had so much fun, stretched out to the far horizon as a lighter shade of shimmering ice white, without a blemish, save for three largish charcoal coloured 'lakes' that were formed by shadows for clouds in the sky.
With the hill behind me the last two hours of the day were not easy terrain but run on the motivation that 30km day was in reach if I focused!
Another good weather day, a little cross wind for a change and 'fairly cold' temperature.
I was hoping to dip below the 400km to-go mark, but at 403 that will have to wait till tomorrow.
Right, so back to the Purpose of Life!
Just put my down jacket on as it's getting a bit cold in the tent... I'm aleady in my sleeping bag, sitting up typing on the little PDA that is connected to the solar panel on my tent roof... Just to bring you right here with me. Now I carry on with my North Pole insight:
Firstly the purpose is to be a NETT GIVER in the world - ie in the broad scope of things over one's whole life one needs to have given more than taken. This is a 'gut feel' thing, but being on the dole, living off a community, not paying its taxes, cheating others, depending on others, or using them, without giving back, or helping others are all nett taking activities. I'm sure you can work out where you fit in. Anyway that's a BASIC for life purpose....
This may seem like a cop-out now, but...
I believe, trying to solve the question of "What is the purpose of life" is wasted effort as like a few other macro life issues, this one is one of our life mysteries and in not having a specific answer one is kept wondering and it's this unsolved concept that keeps us searching, exploring, learning and above all alive. If the answer was known to everyone, life would be boring... So...
On the Arctic that memorable day I concluded that rather than trying to find the answer to the question, we should rather just make sure: We don't WASTE our lives!
Waste is a very negative and harsh word, but it's meant to be, because to quote the old saying: "Life is short", so anytime we are wasting it it's quite a serious personal 'life cime'.
I sense those who aren't wasting their lives never have the need to answer the "What is the Purpose of Life?" question... They are living 'Their Purpose', and feel content.
So, this all begs the question: When are we wasting our lives, in terms of this 'Purpose of Life' concept?
Well that's where the Arctic thinking took me further, to how does one work out whether one is wasting one's life? But that's for tomorrow! There is a sound basis for testing; it's not all woolly stuff, so stay tuned!
I don't have to say it but I will: Please feel free to comment, either negative or positive, all adds value...
Cheers for today
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Day 18: Half way and a good one
85:52.805S 82:25.801W
Elevation: 1616 metres,
biggest single day climb today....
You probably picked up from
yesterday's blog that I was struggling a bit.... I woke today a bit worried
whether things would go further down or spiral upward back to the positive days
prior to 'Nunatak day'. It was mainly my right foot issue that was affecting me,
but also I find reaching halfway comes with mixed emotions... It's like Wednesday of the working / school week: You are halfway through, but is that a long
way you have come or long way still to go?
Well, with a total route distance
of 914 km, I now have 461 to go, so almost spot-on halfway. That feels pretty
good, and it also means Christmas day at the South Pole is a very real
possibility, but 'Mother Nature' will no doubt decide!
Back to the start of
today.....
I'm not a pain killer
person, never take them, but today I packed 4 in my wind pants pocket, JUST IN
CASE. I put an extra sock on my right foot (now 5 socks, including vapour
barrier layer!). For those that haven't dragged a sled, it's not just like
normal walking: one's back and shoulders are being yanked back, so your toes
have to constantly fight back to keep the front of your boot from lifting
upwards. When one really pushes the pace or has a very heavy sled, the toes get
quite stressed, and almost need like a grab rail in your boot to help them claw
back. This is the problem I have, where my toes and ball of my foot are now
traumatised.... Anyway enough detail...
The extra sock helped a
lot, I had a great day, and forgot about thee painkillers. Not that it's all
hunky dory, it will take a while, but a least now I can manage the situation by
wiggling my toes, yesterday I could do zip...
The day started with a
moderate head wind, and in a big sastrugi obstacle park. I felt good, and
patiently made detours around all the big ones... Not good terrain for getting
into the zone, but I somehow managed a good average speed. Two hours later I was
in exactly opposite terrain, not a sastrugi in sight, not even the occasional
one, but just smooth VAST open desert... With the cloud shadow giving it a
strange brown tinge, it really looked like warm desert sands, This was the start
of the big hill today, but also perfect for getting in the zone, and so I
did... The kilometres flew by, and my mind lapsed into a huge philosophical
journey! Gee, I missed you on the other side of the debates... (I'll come
back to the content later below.)
The now, infamous nunataks
are STILL with me, but believe you me, I haven't been seduced again! Two days
later they are stlll clearly visible, but other than them, it's just vaste ice
wilderness. Today, as I stopped a few times to take it all in, it really hit me
how vast and awesome it really is... strange shadows, magnificent skies,
deceiving virtual hills and valleys, and nobody around, no sounds, other than
the wind when it blows. I take my camera out, but almost each time I realise
you can't capture on camera or video what I am experiencing and
seeing... Photos will be scorned as showing nothing and that would be
tragic, because there is SO MUCH in the scale of things and the experience. I
use the 'Mother Nature' thing quite a bit, but today I thought , I'm SO small,
and instantaneous in her vast timeless wilderness that 'she' is probably
indifferent to my presence.
I managed 28, largely,
painfree kilometres, in 9 hours of marching. To try and minimise further damage
to my foot, I've decided that provided I'm over 25 km for the day, I'll stop at
9 hours.
You may wonder why I never
mention the actual temperatures out here? Well, I'd been warned about
Antarctica: At this time of the year it's not the still air temperature that is
really cold, probably only -10 to -15 C. It's when the devilish wind blows, the
windchill is biting. It's hard out here to estimate the temperature with
windchill, but at the headwind peaks it definitely feels like the minus 30s.
The worst is that one gets caught out by the warmish still temperature, almost
becoming casual and complacent. Two of my fingers have big white frost nip
blisters from just that, and most of my fingers are sensitive to touch from
minor cold damage... I need to be more careful!
As I went through my
planning tonight, it seems it's going to be touch and go as to whether I get to
the Pole on or before Christmas day? I'll be pushing to try and do it, but
largely weather wiill determine it. I plan to dump (burn off!) quite a bit of
fuel soon, I have far too much, and can save 3-4 kgs.
So, my philosophical
excursion today....
Well, I've been living out
here for 18 days now, I'm halfway, and I asked myself: "So what are you
craving for, what are you missing or needing?" I honestly couldn't find
one item, thing, activity, etc. I then thought, that's a bit strange, because
this life is SO different to breakfast at Empire café, socialising with
friends, hours on the laptop, reading the latest news, etc, etc.
I definitely don't miss
shopping, going to gym, paying bills, doing laundry and kitchen dishes,
spermarkets, traffic, garbage duty, etc, etc. I'm eating the same basic food
each day, wearing the same clothes each day, not shaving nor brushing my hair,
not showering, I have no idea what's going on in the world, I haven't seen or
spoken to anyone yet there is NOTHING I feel I need or want?? Not even a hot
bath! Why in that 'other world', do 'we' need so much variety, external
stimulation, so much socialising, news, gadgets, material pleasures, etc,etc? Strange hey, but why is this I asked?
The answer appeared to be
in: I'm doing what I REALLY enjoy (holisticly), in a very spiritual aand
healthy environment, ALL my BASIC needs are well satisfied, and above all I
have huge meaningful, and all consumng PURPOSE. A purpose that is linked to me
gaining 'personal height', a concept my friend Imi introduced to me back on
our Yukon trip. As he said the words, I knew "That's what it's all
about!" A sense of inner spiritual development that is free of
ratification or approval, or motivated by others. It may involve others, but
doesn't have to, and once gained, nobody can ever take that personal height
away from you... A good concept.
Out here I have no need for
the so called luxuries, boredom distractors, pampering, etc, and my life is SO
simple, and free of clutter that I can get within myself and live and feel me!
So if some of this is true,
then maybe it's all about having that meaningful and consuming PURPOSE? That
then leads to the big question: So, what is the PURPOSE OF LIFE?
This took me back to day 35
in my full-on North Pole expedition, where in the same mind space as today, I
had a Damascus experience, where I discovered my response to the question...!
I''ll leave you with these thoughts and share with you further in the coming
days...
Since 2004 I have been
trying to live what I call 'Simply Adventure', a way of life which is Simple,
as outlined above bit. But one also centred 'Simply' around adventure, because
in adventure Ii find In can find myself and my soul, while still having strong
meaningful purpose.
In sharing this with you
I'm not trying to say I know the answers, and have it all sorted, I know many
of you are much further down your own tracks... All I'm trying to do is share
my exploring of an alternate approach.... And maybe it triggers a few thoughts
for your journey...!
Lastly, this Blog and your
participation, whether active or passive, provides a very important social
/ human connection for me, one that enables me to not have a craving need to
'get out of here', and be with friends / others....so thank you, it's a very
special part of the 'not alone' part of 'Solo but not Alone'
Please feel free to post up
your comments, disagreements, views, beliefs...It's all serious fun!
And you just thought this
was a South Pole expedition, hey!
Off to bed, feeling very
content... Bit of a wind outside, but nice and warm inside my little tent!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Day 16: Freedom in Antarctica...'Simply Adventure' is alive and well...
85:21.743S 82:21.671W
Hey, ALL your comments are JUST amazing.... Thanks, and I can tell you it inspires me to share more in these postings.... I wish I could reply to each, but......!! Just know you are ABSOLUTELY here with me in my thoughts and mind in the middle of Antarctica. Solo but DEFINITELY not Alone!
If you see my course today on Google Earth, on 'The Diary', you may start wondering whether those compasses are playing games again...! My course today took a 'strange' veer almost direct west, not one for one trying to make it to the South Pole ASAP!
Well my wandering, adventurous, exploring side just took control away from the competitive racer! Absolute Freedom reigned:
I told you about my lovely 'campsite' (yeah, space 10a!) last night 'near' the best nunataks I've seen so far. Each time I've passed a nunatak, I've been curious, and almost tempted to detour to go and 'touch' one. Although simple in concept, they do fascinate me, and I wonder if there are crevasses around each peak, as the ice flows around the fixed moutain, on its way to the sea. Also, I have never been to a continent and not 'put my foot' on the ground! I've only been on the ice way above the 'ground'! So intrigue has been building!
This morning I woke to a perfect still, warm morning, and as I had my almost, pleasant today, daily pre breakfast loo experience, I gazed in awe at the nunataks, and thought: "You are good on 'schedule' for the Pole, you guys are all telling me to "Rest" and it's the perfect day to go and explore the nunataks." This is the strange mix I have within me, and my ,Simpy Adventure' life philosophy is designed to accommodate the fast, go-for-it stuff, but also the, hey it's not so serious, enjoy the now of exploring too... Freedom of choice... I like to think it maximises that, withoutt 'losing one's way! So....
Over breakfast I worked at my plan: I estimated it would take me 'about an hour' to get there, maybe two, a total off-course, but spiritually wonderful, deviation to route to the Pole. So, off I went, so happy I didn't have to sell the 'crazy' idea to anyone else, or explain why I stupidly, wanted to 'touch' them... I just made the decision based on what I FELT inside me I just HAD to do....! Solo... one of the real benefits, or maybe not... read more!
Initially, I was confused as I thought through how I'd pushed for every kilometre towards the Pole these last few days, and now I was 'wasting' them.Then I thought: "No, it's the TIME that those hard days have earned for me are now giving me the FREEDOM to explore as I want! This all felt good, and before long I was 'locked' on the nunataks, and how lucky I was to be going to 'touch them'!
As I skied along I felt so motivated, and alive, the power of Simply Adventure was pumping through my veins again. At one point I was just overcome by emotions, tears welled up, like a deep spiritual satisfaction. Well...
The further I skied, the more I committed to my goal and its dream I became, but at the same time the 'big mountain peaks' weren't getting closer at the rate I'd been used to with the little sastrugi beacons each day.... Hmm, these nunataks are further than I thought. Ok no problem, I REALLY want the experience, so relax, ski whatever it takes, and maybe just write off the day to 'fun and pleasure'! I'd even conjured up the dream of pitching my tent for 'lunch' right next to the cutest one, and stay there overnight... I'd already chosen it! Well...
I skied for 6.5 hours, 18.8 kilometres, and they hardly got closer! I have NEVER experienced anything like this total inability to judge distance... In fact at sea, which is also a vast 'nothingness', I pride myself on my ability to judge long distances. But this was new territory, and something had affected my gut feel!
Clearly they did get much closer, and became increasingly spectacular as they did, but my commitment to a worthy goal needed to be 'audited'. I'd skied all this 6.5 hours without ONE break... Excitement, and passion fueling me through all fatigue/mental barriers on a normal 'boring' day. Funny hey! My hands were so 'frozen' in clenching the poles that when I finally stopped on 'the auditors' instruction I could hardly undo my backpack clips, and release my ski bindings. Such was the power of my nunatak dream! I understand many may see this as madness, not understand the fascination, and yes, logically it doesn't make sense, but this is ME, and its about a strange and powerful fire within. Many will relate in your own passion areas to this same 'madness'....
So the meeting with the 'spoil sport' auditor didn't go well: I'd reached the point where although this detour hadn't actually added kilometres to the distance I still have to the Pole, going any further would start doing that, ie taking me backwards from yesterday. The views of the mountain range were spectacular, two groups of nunataks, spread over quite a few kilometres (?!). The first being iconic, easily recognisable rocky, but snow peppered, tops of jagged, mountain peaks. The other was more like a totally white ice encrusted table, seemingly standing on the surrounding ice, and almost part of it. Inside me the dream fire was still burning strong, but when the auditor asked me how far away they still were, I scarily, honestly could not answer! I estimated not more than 1/2 an hour ski away, but then I lost confidence and thought it maybe still another two hours, I REALLY don't know... Based on that, I decided to I had to 'park' the dream and set up tent, with a view to maybe exploring just on my own (no sled and gear) later... So, here I am with a really spectacular 'closeup' view of the best nunataks to date, and its 16h30, and I'm about to decide whether I set out on my own or not....
It's now 20h30, and I'm back from my ski to 'touch the nunataks'! I decided this was a once-off lifetime opportunity, and I had to give it all I've got to realise at least some of ths morning's dream. Well (again!)...
I did 4km and to my utter shock and amazement, I probably did about half the distance to the closest nunatak! This is astounding, there is something wrong! I did think that for two weeks now the highest thing I've seen is my tent! I've been focusing on small distant shimmeriing sastrugi, so maybe I just could no longer reference these significant height peak tops. Another contributor could be the very pure, clean atmosphere.... I'm almost embarrassed sharing this faux pax wit you!
Anyway, at the end of the 4km, it did feel real closeup and I could see one significant glacier squeezed between the two largest nunataks, which was special. In terms of achieving my original excursion goal, I have failed, but the day's experiences, including the freedom emotions and spiritual peace, plus the close-up views were together ALL worth it. As a bonus I also got to have a special 8km cross country ski, without 'my friend' the sled, in the world's biggest cross country ski park! Don't know where you pay, and why there was nobody else here! Gee, it was light and fast without 'my friend'!
In this account of my day's seemingly unachieved mission I have found many life lessons, and above all, an adventure into the unknown has risk, and deciding when one is a coward or when it's right to change direction and walk away from a heart-felt pursuit is one of the most diffficult decisions I find in life! The other thing is how we are naturally optimistic, and that gives us hope, dreams, and helps us off our butts, when well thought through 'auditor' rationality will probably keep us locked in our comfort zones!
Oh well, strange posting this one, butt I hope you get something out of it, because hey, this was one WHOLE day of my life!
I've just had my last course of my 7500 calorie (SP) day's food intake, and am off to bed, because:
Back to competitive production tomorrow...
Cheers
Hey, ALL your comments are JUST amazing.... Thanks, and I can tell you it inspires me to share more in these postings.... I wish I could reply to each, but......!! Just know you are ABSOLUTELY here with me in my thoughts and mind in the middle of Antarctica. Solo but DEFINITELY not Alone!
If you see my course today on Google Earth, on 'The Diary', you may start wondering whether those compasses are playing games again...! My course today took a 'strange' veer almost direct west, not one for one trying to make it to the South Pole ASAP!
Well my wandering, adventurous, exploring side just took control away from the competitive racer! Absolute Freedom reigned:
I told you about my lovely 'campsite' (yeah, space 10a!) last night 'near' the best nunataks I've seen so far. Each time I've passed a nunatak, I've been curious, and almost tempted to detour to go and 'touch' one. Although simple in concept, they do fascinate me, and I wonder if there are crevasses around each peak, as the ice flows around the fixed moutain, on its way to the sea. Also, I have never been to a continent and not 'put my foot' on the ground! I've only been on the ice way above the 'ground'! So intrigue has been building!
This morning I woke to a perfect still, warm morning, and as I had my almost, pleasant today, daily pre breakfast loo experience, I gazed in awe at the nunataks, and thought: "You are good on 'schedule' for the Pole, you guys are all telling me to "Rest" and it's the perfect day to go and explore the nunataks." This is the strange mix I have within me, and my ,Simpy Adventure' life philosophy is designed to accommodate the fast, go-for-it stuff, but also the, hey it's not so serious, enjoy the now of exploring too... Freedom of choice... I like to think it maximises that, withoutt 'losing one's way! So....
Over breakfast I worked at my plan: I estimated it would take me 'about an hour' to get there, maybe two, a total off-course, but spiritually wonderful, deviation to route to the Pole. So, off I went, so happy I didn't have to sell the 'crazy' idea to anyone else, or explain why I stupidly, wanted to 'touch' them... I just made the decision based on what I FELT inside me I just HAD to do....! Solo... one of the real benefits, or maybe not... read more!
Initially, I was confused as I thought through how I'd pushed for every kilometre towards the Pole these last few days, and now I was 'wasting' them.Then I thought: "No, it's the TIME that those hard days have earned for me are now giving me the FREEDOM to explore as I want! This all felt good, and before long I was 'locked' on the nunataks, and how lucky I was to be going to 'touch them'!
As I skied along I felt so motivated, and alive, the power of Simply Adventure was pumping through my veins again. At one point I was just overcome by emotions, tears welled up, like a deep spiritual satisfaction. Well...
The further I skied, the more I committed to my goal and its dream I became, but at the same time the 'big mountain peaks' weren't getting closer at the rate I'd been used to with the little sastrugi beacons each day.... Hmm, these nunataks are further than I thought. Ok no problem, I REALLY want the experience, so relax, ski whatever it takes, and maybe just write off the day to 'fun and pleasure'! I'd even conjured up the dream of pitching my tent for 'lunch' right next to the cutest one, and stay there overnight... I'd already chosen it! Well...
I skied for 6.5 hours, 18.8 kilometres, and they hardly got closer! I have NEVER experienced anything like this total inability to judge distance... In fact at sea, which is also a vast 'nothingness', I pride myself on my ability to judge long distances. But this was new territory, and something had affected my gut feel!
Clearly they did get much closer, and became increasingly spectacular as they did, but my commitment to a worthy goal needed to be 'audited'. I'd skied all this 6.5 hours without ONE break... Excitement, and passion fueling me through all fatigue/mental barriers on a normal 'boring' day. Funny hey! My hands were so 'frozen' in clenching the poles that when I finally stopped on 'the auditors' instruction I could hardly undo my backpack clips, and release my ski bindings. Such was the power of my nunatak dream! I understand many may see this as madness, not understand the fascination, and yes, logically it doesn't make sense, but this is ME, and its about a strange and powerful fire within. Many will relate in your own passion areas to this same 'madness'....
So the meeting with the 'spoil sport' auditor didn't go well: I'd reached the point where although this detour hadn't actually added kilometres to the distance I still have to the Pole, going any further would start doing that, ie taking me backwards from yesterday. The views of the mountain range were spectacular, two groups of nunataks, spread over quite a few kilometres (?!). The first being iconic, easily recognisable rocky, but snow peppered, tops of jagged, mountain peaks. The other was more like a totally white ice encrusted table, seemingly standing on the surrounding ice, and almost part of it. Inside me the dream fire was still burning strong, but when the auditor asked me how far away they still were, I scarily, honestly could not answer! I estimated not more than 1/2 an hour ski away, but then I lost confidence and thought it maybe still another two hours, I REALLY don't know... Based on that, I decided to I had to 'park' the dream and set up tent, with a view to maybe exploring just on my own (no sled and gear) later... So, here I am with a really spectacular 'closeup' view of the best nunataks to date, and its 16h30, and I'm about to decide whether I set out on my own or not....
It's now 20h30, and I'm back from my ski to 'touch the nunataks'! I decided this was a once-off lifetime opportunity, and I had to give it all I've got to realise at least some of ths morning's dream. Well (again!)...
I did 4km and to my utter shock and amazement, I probably did about half the distance to the closest nunatak! This is astounding, there is something wrong! I did think that for two weeks now the highest thing I've seen is my tent! I've been focusing on small distant shimmeriing sastrugi, so maybe I just could no longer reference these significant height peak tops. Another contributor could be the very pure, clean atmosphere.... I'm almost embarrassed sharing this faux pax wit you!
Anyway, at the end of the 4km, it did feel real closeup and I could see one significant glacier squeezed between the two largest nunataks, which was special. In terms of achieving my original excursion goal, I have failed, but the day's experiences, including the freedom emotions and spiritual peace, plus the close-up views were together ALL worth it. As a bonus I also got to have a special 8km cross country ski, without 'my friend' the sled, in the world's biggest cross country ski park! Don't know where you pay, and why there was nobody else here! Gee, it was light and fast without 'my friend'!
In this account of my day's seemingly unachieved mission I have found many life lessons, and above all, an adventure into the unknown has risk, and deciding when one is a coward or when it's right to change direction and walk away from a heart-felt pursuit is one of the most diffficult decisions I find in life! The other thing is how we are naturally optimistic, and that gives us hope, dreams, and helps us off our butts, when well thought through 'auditor' rationality will probably keep us locked in our comfort zones!
Oh well, strange posting this one, butt I hope you get something out of it, because hey, this was one WHOLE day of my life!
I've just had my last course of my 7500 calorie (SP) day's food intake, and am off to bed, because:
Back to competitive production tomorrow...
Cheers
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