89:59.99S 00:16.0W
I'm HERE at the South Pole, I honestly believe it hasn't hit home yet!
I'm actually at 90 degrees South, but not sure Google Earth / The Diary can deal with 90 co-ordinates, so the 89 above!
Elevation: 2834
At 11h55 Punta Arenas time (GMT +3) my sled finally came to a halt at it's destination: The South Pole!
It took me almost 6 hours today, in almost 'dream' weather, clear blue sky, not too cold, but that headwind was 'just there' reminding me what yesterday was like... I was thankful that I'd mentally prepared for the fact that it would take six hours to get to the place my mind had almost checked out that 'we' were already there... It was a pretty relaxing ski, and to my total I spent almost the whole time reliving the two wonderful years I spent in 1984/5 (long time back!) living and working in Princeton, USA. I guess the linkage with the US base here is what triggered the whole thing. Anyway, thanks to that my mind was very relaxed, content with the special memories, and the kilometres sped by! In many ways I was dreading the six hours, as it was so close yet so far, and I was 'scared' how I'd deal with that conflict, and the relief prize awaiting! It's strange how the mind can sometimes take one by surprise.
The approach to the 'complex' is quite strange for what it is... There is this huge ice road that is virtually an ice highway, maybe 30 metres wide that I'm told runs the whole way from McMurdo base on the coast (opposite side to where I started) to the South Pole. I was given a waypoint that was a flagged beacon sticking 4km out in the middle of nowhere, but a 'T junction' into the highway... Hmmm, back into civilisation - roads, rules, instructions, and man made infrastructure! It did bloody stress me... I saw where I had to go, started cutting the corner, and then looked back and said: "Hey you have a very clear sled/ski trail telling 'people' where you went, and it's against the instructions, so there are no disputes here, you had better go back and do it properly!" I didn't, but I did feel I was back in a 'policed' environment! I know this sounds overboard, but I'm sharing with you my genuine reactions after being totally free for 35.9 days!
Anyway, I 'yielded' at the intersection, as there was no 'highway traffic' in sight, turned 90 degree right and was now on the highway myself... 4km to go to the finish line... hmmm, still another 80 mins, yet everything looks so close... but I'm wiser now! It was quite fun, as I skied in a snowmobile trail, straight and fast. Eventually there was a '20 km/h Speed limit' sign, and then a few small tents and another sign: 'Campsite'... I was there... well a few hundred metres to the actual South Pole point, but this is where me and my friend 'sled' stopped our 'joint' journey... Forever? We shall see, but at least for 'a long while!' At least we are still good friends 'she' did well the last weeks.
It feels REAL GOOD to know its done, but I DO know I'll miss the simplicity, I can feel it already...
For the moment, I'm enjoying a warmish ALE tent environment (the one of two heaters is not working), a glass or two of good red wine, and RELAXING with a great sense of satisfaction! I'm the only 'guest' here... Scott the new base manager just flew in today, and cooked me a great salmon (yes, fish), non-pemmican, non-cheese, dinner... Total luxury, it's hard to explain, but it REALLY is...
I've set up my tent outside and will retire there soon for VERY pleasant dreams... I'm leaving the alarm to go off at 6am, just to enjoy switching it off, and going back to sleep...
I really look forward to getting the blog comments from after 24/12 soon...
Showing posts with label Freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Freedom. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 29: I didn't need this one: Tent bound... Whiteout. No visibility, snowing and windy
 |
| File pic: Howard's tent on the ice while training in New Zealand |
Just 7km traveled today....
Elevation: 2 678. What a coincidence - exactly the same as yesterday. Well I guess I haven't moved far, but still! Maybe a lucky sign!
Gee, that 'prison' I spoke about yesterday got decidedly smaller today! What a difference a day makes: It was REALLY a perfect evening, but early hours of the morning that all started to change with my first real strongish , northerly tailwind. It was quite strange having the tent facing the 'wrong' way and the wind hitting the entrance and cooking vestibule. It made for much colder tent life. So from being worried about the night being too hot, I was suddenly scrambling for all zippers to close all gaps, including my sleeping bag! The unpredictability of the adventure, in 'your' world you would have know about the exact time of the weather change days in advance! Information, hey, good or bad? Neither, I guess, just different prison rooms have different stimulations!
Even with all this change, and the possibility of bad traversing terrain again, I woke up feeling unusually unperturbed about the details, but knowing somehow "all will be good today."
There had been a dusting of snow, so it wasn't a debate about skis or walking. Skis on, and I was moving 10 min earlier than usual. The terrain (and my mind) were amazing, I was at one with the conditions and soon gliding along at high speeds. This fuelled such a positive 'zone', once again I felt invincible and the Pole seemed well within reach. I did warn myself that a lot can change in 10 hours, and I did notice that I was skiing towards a dark grey clouded horizon. The 1hr navigation check showed a very satisfying 3.6 km, and above all I was reveling in the flat ski friendly terrain.
Well in the next hour visibility went to zero and the all-too-familiar three-dimensional dull white room encapsulated me, with a loss of spatial orientation. On top of that it started lightly snowing! Gee, I was disappointed, as I was so in the groove I even surprised myself with how well I was going with minimal visibility. But zero was time to stop! As it had deteriorated I'd thought of my options, and reluctantly opted for the only one: Set up tent, and wait for things to improve.... It would be a waste struggling out there, using a huge amount of energy (food!) fighting the cold, slipping and falling not going very far.
So that's where I am... Snuggled up in my tent, with the wind roaring by, snow rasping against the tent sporadically, and no place to go...
This time it's not like the indulgence of the rest day... It feels very different: I'm frustrated, as I REALLY want to be moving closer to my goal, and having been here for 6 hours already, with ABSOLUTELY no change in the weather, thoughts of being stuck here 'for days' are not very attractive, to put it mildly. With just 8 days of food, I can't be wasting it sitting in my tent, so it's about tea, and left-over nuts rather than excessive gluttony. Inside the tent is probably the coldest it's been, even though just before coming inside the thermometer said -23C. It's probably the wind forcing itself into every little crack. Oh well, nothing a hot cup of tea and a warm sleeping bag can't solve....
This is a challenging time, but I keep on stoking the positive fires, and look to the time when I'll be set free, and be fast skiing to the Pole again... 30 km/d and 6 days I'm there! Please Mr Prison Warder let me out soon, I've learnt the lesson you wanted to teach me, so why can't I go free....?
I hope you 'enjoyed' yesterday's thoughts on Freedom, etc. I always worry that in short, limited-interaction, mass communications, messages are missed, or intent wrongly assumed. And lastly, I'm very aware that nothing comes for 'free' (excuse the pun!) there is a cost to Freedom: It's largely in the 'Belonging' area, but interestingly I've found that the more I grow through experiencing freedom and the micro prisons adventure, the less 'desperate' I am to belong JUST to belong, and not feel alone or lonely. So for me, alongside Freedom, belonging and how we manage it is the second prong of an amazing tripod of life. The 3rd leg being 'Who we are, our REAL identity vs who we project who we are. These extreme adventures, naked in front of Nature, like I am now, leave me no place to hide as to who I REALLY am - my fears, my insecurities, my courage, my beliefs, and relationships, all at a very soul level... And I'd love to share thoughts with many of you who have your own 'life system' that works for you in your life. All fascinating stuff...
Well, for me at least! Don't worry, I'll be back focused on looooong sled pulling days soon!
Enjoy your access to the pleasurable excesses of your seemingly boundaryless lives, from this perspective!
H
Day 28: Freedom, capitulation and prisons... A different day!
88:13.956S 81:30.713W
Yeah, a low distance day, just on my 'minimum acceptable'! Only 25 km done, but 'All OK' in today's capitulated paradigm.
Elevation: 2 678 metres, least climb ever. So why not better distance, you may ask? See below....
What a funny day....
As I said in yesterday's post, I knew I was caught in this 'can't ski easily, and can't walk easily' terrain position, and was needing to change my paradigm. The terrain largely remained the same so I was initially restless, constantly thinking of changing between walking and skiing, not a good place to be. After an initial -23C and moderate crosswind, it went warm and still, cloudless sky, and just a PERFECT day. A real day to be soaked up and enjoyed, and really appreciate the luxury of the pure mind space this ice nothingness can give. To enjoy the journey!
After seeing 3.1 km for the first hour, I sensed that new paradigm better be developed quickly, or else I was going to be one hellluva frustrated guy by the end of the day!
You may have noticed that I use the words "capitulation" and "prison" a lot? They are strong, motive words, and ones that lie on the other side of the line from Freedom. Freedom is something I value hugely, and find fascinating, and basically in 2004, when I left Sydney, the business world, and shed all my possessions, to start the 'Simply Adventure' life, it was largely about going to find myself and explore Freedom: how it works, what - if anything - defines the limits, and how I could find a life that had maximum freedom, but was also holistic and meaningful. I am pretty confident, and hopefully you don't see it as arrogant, in saying that over the 7 years, I pushed the limits, and went where few have gone, in terms of experiencing close to total freedom. Total freedom being the ability to act, speak, and think without restraint. I had perceived that 'we', all / most people have capitulated freedom, have accepted the constraints, restraints and perceived limitations in their life situation, and in doing so create a 'prison' where there no keys; the prison warders are non-negotiable, and so there is no way out, so one then capitulates to accept that IS life and one then makes the very best of it and the prison isn't even recognisable. In fact it becomes very cosy, a source of great social belonging, and meaningful purpose.
One even goes as far as being deluded into thinking that one has 'total' Freedom. That's what I call the capitulated freedom. Prison is a harsh word, because most of us find our 'prison' a pretty OK 'place' to live. By not fighting the restraints / constraints, one is not restless and searching for more freedom, but rather fully involved in making the 'Now' of the prison work and deliver contentment. I think Patrick, in one of his comments on the blog, referred to the Buddhist approach which says something along the lines that life IS suffering, and the sooner we accept that the more content and less expectant and disappointed we will be... In my view, that's supporting what I say above: life is like being in a 'suffering prison' - just capitulate and accept it, and it won't feel like a prison, you'll be free!
So, back to here on the ice in Antarctica... Am I in ultimate freedom, or a minute, solitary confinement cell of the worst degree? Well here on the ice it is quite a small 'prison' for me, even in the nothingness of Antarctica. I'm pretty much restricted in what I can do, choices, etc. Yes I can behave speak and think almost without constraint, but essentially it's a tight prison; one of every day involving 11 hours. Hard labour too!
The freedom comes in me voluntarily deciding to step in to explore the Solo to South Pole prison and to experience its restraints! To do this, I need to go through a serious capitulation process, before I can thin k it enjoy my prison. I have to accept that that's what life is, there are no outs, no warder with a key, I'm in for 35+ days, and that's non negotiable. Once I accept that I become pseudo free, and am on the path to contentment in my new life. That's why I felt so unneedy at the halfway point, in my restrained world I had everything!
Yesterday, the very slow terrain made my prison get even smaller, and so today I needed a new paradigm of capitulation to deal with its tighter constraints, or go mad! Some may think that this posting confirms: "I went mad!" On this blog, everyone has Freedom of opinion!
Well, the way I capitulated was to take away my 30 km/day goal, and to just accept whatever distance I do, but for me to get FULLY into the Now of being out here in this special place. And so that's what I did: appreciated the sastrugi, lots of photos, stopped often and took in with awe the 360 degree 'horizonless' space, and spent quality time articulating these freedom/prison capitulation thoughts.
In my book that is STILL 'work in progress', Freedom and these concepts are given very REAL practical support, as adventure by definition creates this extraordinary combination of freedom, and yet a necessary, daily micro prison.
In conclusion, I believe we all need 'prisons' because that's where significant things get done, relationships for me, and huge personal learning can take place. But how can one get Freedom as well? That, to me, is the holy grail of life, and I've tried to get the unlikely combination through the 'Simply Adventure' life philosophy which involves regular breakaways from true freedom into voluntary but highly constrained adventure 'prisons' like this 'stroll to the Pole'.
And finally, I guess I read many of your comments relating to my adventure 'inspiring' you to make some change, embark on your own South Pole.... Yes, that's making the decision not to be content with your 'prison' anymore, and to go explore a bigger and less constraining one, one that takes you closer to REAL freedom.... It needs courage, belief in yourself, and a vision / dream for more out of life... Not really a Buddhist approach, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong; your 'gut' will tell you what's right for YOU!
I can HONESTLY say each time I've made the sometimes hard and lonely decision to break out and seek a new, larger, less restraining prison, I've been rewarded with more freedom, but maybe more importantly, personal enlightenment and spiritual learning...
Many ask me if I ever regret walking away from life in Sydney to 'Simply Adventure', and my answer always remains:
Given what I now know about myself and have experienced in the last 7 years, I'd be 'violently angry' if either the 'dream thief' had come along and taken me off this planet before I could have experienced it, or I was still forced to be living a 'normal' life in Sydney, or wherever! That's just my perspective in the context of ME and all my baggage. How this all applies to you is for you to either instantly dump or work through for your life choices.
That's what day 28 produced...
Damn, if I had been more end goal focused, marched for 12+ hours, I'd only have 190 km to the Pole, instead of the 195km that I do have!
I hope you enjoyed the different day too...?
It's a beautiful, warm -12C outside, TOTAL silence, quite special... The tent will be warm for sleeping tonight.
Bye
Yeah, a low distance day, just on my 'minimum acceptable'! Only 25 km done, but 'All OK' in today's capitulated paradigm.
Elevation: 2 678 metres, least climb ever. So why not better distance, you may ask? See below....
What a funny day....
As I said in yesterday's post, I knew I was caught in this 'can't ski easily, and can't walk easily' terrain position, and was needing to change my paradigm. The terrain largely remained the same so I was initially restless, constantly thinking of changing between walking and skiing, not a good place to be. After an initial -23C and moderate crosswind, it went warm and still, cloudless sky, and just a PERFECT day. A real day to be soaked up and enjoyed, and really appreciate the luxury of the pure mind space this ice nothingness can give. To enjoy the journey!
After seeing 3.1 km for the first hour, I sensed that new paradigm better be developed quickly, or else I was going to be one hellluva frustrated guy by the end of the day!
You may have noticed that I use the words "capitulation" and "prison" a lot? They are strong, motive words, and ones that lie on the other side of the line from Freedom. Freedom is something I value hugely, and find fascinating, and basically in 2004, when I left Sydney, the business world, and shed all my possessions, to start the 'Simply Adventure' life, it was largely about going to find myself and explore Freedom: how it works, what - if anything - defines the limits, and how I could find a life that had maximum freedom, but was also holistic and meaningful. I am pretty confident, and hopefully you don't see it as arrogant, in saying that over the 7 years, I pushed the limits, and went where few have gone, in terms of experiencing close to total freedom. Total freedom being the ability to act, speak, and think without restraint. I had perceived that 'we', all / most people have capitulated freedom, have accepted the constraints, restraints and perceived limitations in their life situation, and in doing so create a 'prison' where there no keys; the prison warders are non-negotiable, and so there is no way out, so one then capitulates to accept that IS life and one then makes the very best of it and the prison isn't even recognisable. In fact it becomes very cosy, a source of great social belonging, and meaningful purpose.
One even goes as far as being deluded into thinking that one has 'total' Freedom. That's what I call the capitulated freedom. Prison is a harsh word, because most of us find our 'prison' a pretty OK 'place' to live. By not fighting the restraints / constraints, one is not restless and searching for more freedom, but rather fully involved in making the 'Now' of the prison work and deliver contentment. I think Patrick, in one of his comments on the blog, referred to the Buddhist approach which says something along the lines that life IS suffering, and the sooner we accept that the more content and less expectant and disappointed we will be... In my view, that's supporting what I say above: life is like being in a 'suffering prison' - just capitulate and accept it, and it won't feel like a prison, you'll be free!
So, back to here on the ice in Antarctica... Am I in ultimate freedom, or a minute, solitary confinement cell of the worst degree? Well here on the ice it is quite a small 'prison' for me, even in the nothingness of Antarctica. I'm pretty much restricted in what I can do, choices, etc. Yes I can behave speak and think almost without constraint, but essentially it's a tight prison; one of every day involving 11 hours. Hard labour too!
The freedom comes in me voluntarily deciding to step in to explore the Solo to South Pole prison and to experience its restraints! To do this, I need to go through a serious capitulation process, before I can thin k it enjoy my prison. I have to accept that that's what life is, there are no outs, no warder with a key, I'm in for 35+ days, and that's non negotiable. Once I accept that I become pseudo free, and am on the path to contentment in my new life. That's why I felt so unneedy at the halfway point, in my restrained world I had everything!
Yesterday, the very slow terrain made my prison get even smaller, and so today I needed a new paradigm of capitulation to deal with its tighter constraints, or go mad! Some may think that this posting confirms: "I went mad!" On this blog, everyone has Freedom of opinion!
Well, the way I capitulated was to take away my 30 km/day goal, and to just accept whatever distance I do, but for me to get FULLY into the Now of being out here in this special place. And so that's what I did: appreciated the sastrugi, lots of photos, stopped often and took in with awe the 360 degree 'horizonless' space, and spent quality time articulating these freedom/prison capitulation thoughts.
In my book that is STILL 'work in progress', Freedom and these concepts are given very REAL practical support, as adventure by definition creates this extraordinary combination of freedom, and yet a necessary, daily micro prison.
In conclusion, I believe we all need 'prisons' because that's where significant things get done, relationships for me, and huge personal learning can take place. But how can one get Freedom as well? That, to me, is the holy grail of life, and I've tried to get the unlikely combination through the 'Simply Adventure' life philosophy which involves regular breakaways from true freedom into voluntary but highly constrained adventure 'prisons' like this 'stroll to the Pole'.
And finally, I guess I read many of your comments relating to my adventure 'inspiring' you to make some change, embark on your own South Pole.... Yes, that's making the decision not to be content with your 'prison' anymore, and to go explore a bigger and less constraining one, one that takes you closer to REAL freedom.... It needs courage, belief in yourself, and a vision / dream for more out of life... Not really a Buddhist approach, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong; your 'gut' will tell you what's right for YOU!
I can HONESTLY say each time I've made the sometimes hard and lonely decision to break out and seek a new, larger, less restraining prison, I've been rewarded with more freedom, but maybe more importantly, personal enlightenment and spiritual learning...
Many ask me if I ever regret walking away from life in Sydney to 'Simply Adventure', and my answer always remains:
Given what I now know about myself and have experienced in the last 7 years, I'd be 'violently angry' if either the 'dream thief' had come along and taken me off this planet before I could have experienced it, or I was still forced to be living a 'normal' life in Sydney, or wherever! That's just my perspective in the context of ME and all my baggage. How this all applies to you is for you to either instantly dump or work through for your life choices.
That's what day 28 produced...
Damn, if I had been more end goal focused, marched for 12+ hours, I'd only have 190 km to the Pole, instead of the 195km that I do have!
I hope you enjoyed the different day too...?
It's a beautiful, warm -12C outside, TOTAL silence, quite special... The tent will be warm for sleeping tonight.
Bye
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