Day 18: Half way and a good one

85:52.805S 82:25.801W

Elevation: 1616 metres, biggest single day climb today....

You probably picked up from yesterday's blog that I was struggling a bit.... I woke today a bit worried whether things would go further down or spiral upward back to the positive days prior to 'Nunatak day'. It was mainly my right foot issue that was affecting me, but also I find reaching halfway comes with mixed emotions... It's like Wednesday of the working / school week: You are halfway through, but is that a long way you have come or long way still to go?

Well, with a total route distance of 914 km, I now have 461 to go, so almost spot-on halfway. That feels pretty good, and it also means Christmas day at the South Pole is a very real possibility, but 'Mother Nature' will no doubt decide!

Back to the start of today.....

I'm not a pain killer person, never take them, but today I packed 4 in my wind pants pocket, JUST IN CASE. I put an extra sock on my right foot (now 5 socks, including vapour barrier layer!). For those that haven't dragged a sled, it's not just like normal walking: one's back and shoulders are being yanked back, so your toes have to constantly fight back to keep the front of your boot from lifting upwards. When one really pushes the pace or has a very heavy sled, the toes get quite stressed, and almost need like a grab rail in your boot to help them claw back. This is the problem I have, where my toes and ball of my foot are now traumatised.... Anyway enough detail...

The extra sock helped a lot, I had a great day, and forgot about thee painkillers. Not that it's all hunky dory, it will take a while, but a least now I can manage the situation by wiggling my toes, yesterday I could do zip...

The day started with a moderate head wind, and in a big sastrugi obstacle park. I felt good, and patiently made detours around all the big ones... Not good terrain for getting into the zone, but I somehow managed a good average speed. Two hours later I was in exactly opposite terrain, not a sastrugi in sight, not even the occasional one, but just smooth VAST open desert... With the cloud shadow giving it a strange brown tinge, it really looked like warm desert sands, This was the start of the big hill today, but also perfect for getting in the zone, and so I did... The kilometres flew by, and my mind lapsed into a huge philosophical journey! Gee, I missed you on the other side of the debates... (I'll come back to the content later below.)

The now, infamous nunataks are STILL with me, but believe you me, I haven't been seduced again! Two days later they are stlll clearly visible, but other than them, it's just vaste ice wilderness. Today, as I stopped a few times to take it all in, it really hit me how vast and awesome it really is... strange shadows, magnificent skies, deceiving virtual hills and valleys, and nobody around, no sounds, other than the wind when it blows. I take my camera out, but almost each time I realise you can't capture on camera or video what I am experiencing and seeing... Photos will be scorned as showing nothing and that would be tragic, because there is SO MUCH in the scale of things and the experience. I use the 'Mother Nature' thing quite a bit, but today I thought , I'm SO small, and instantaneous in her vast timeless wilderness that 'she' is probably indifferent to my presence.

I managed 28, largely, painfree kilometres, in 9 hours of marching. To try and minimise further damage to my foot, I've decided that provided I'm over 25 km for the day, I'll stop at 9 hours.

You may wonder why I never mention the actual temperatures out here? Well, I'd been warned about Antarctica: At this time of the year it's not the still air temperature that is really cold, probably only -10 to -15 C. It's when the devilish wind blows, the windchill is biting. It's hard out here to estimate the temperature with windchill, but at the headwind peaks it definitely feels like the minus 30s. The worst is that one gets caught out by the warmish still temperature, almost becoming casual and complacent. Two of my fingers have big white frost nip blisters from just that, and most of my fingers are sensitive to touch from minor cold damage... I need to be more careful!

As I went through my planning tonight, it seems it's going to be touch and go as to whether I get to the Pole on or before Christmas day? I'll be pushing to try and do it, but largely weather wiill determine it. I plan to dump (burn off!) quite a bit of fuel soon, I have far too much, and can save 3-4 kgs.

So, my philosophical excursion today....

Well, I've been living out here for 18 days now, I'm halfway, and I asked myself: "So what are you craving for, what are you missing or needing?" I honestly couldn't find one item, thing, activity, etc. I then thought, that's a bit strange, because this life is SO different to breakfast at Empire café, socialising with friends, hours on the laptop, reading the latest news, etc, etc.

I definitely don't miss shopping, going to gym, paying bills, doing laundry and kitchen dishes, spermarkets, traffic, garbage duty, etc, etc. I'm eating the same basic food each day, wearing the same clothes each day, not shaving nor brushing my hair, not showering, I have no idea what's going on in the world, I haven't seen or spoken to anyone yet there is NOTHING I feel I need or want?? Not even a hot bath! Why in that 'other world', do 'we' need so much variety, external stimulation, so much socialising, news, gadgets, material pleasures, etc,etc? Strange hey, but why is this I asked?

The answer appeared to be in: I'm doing what I REALLY enjoy (holisticly), in a very spiritual aand healthy environment, ALL my BASIC needs are well satisfied, and above all I have huge meaningful, and all consumng PURPOSE. A purpose that is linked to me gaining 'personal height', a concept my friend Imi introduced to me back on our Yukon trip. As he said the words, I knew "That's what it's all about!" A sense of inner spiritual development that is free of ratification or approval, or motivated by others. It may involve others, but doesn't have to, and once gained, nobody can ever take that personal height away from you... A good concept.

Out here I have no need for the so called luxuries, boredom distractors, pampering, etc, and my life is SO simple, and free of clutter that I can get within myself and live and feel me!

So if some of this is true, then maybe it's all about having that meaningful and consuming PURPOSE? That then leads to the big question: So, what is the PURPOSE OF LIFE?

This took me back to day 35 in my full-on North Pole expedition, where in the same mind space as today, I had a Damascus experience, where I discovered my response to the question...! I''ll leave you with these thoughts and share with you further in the coming days...

Since 2004 I have been trying to live what I call 'Simply Adventure', a way of life which is Simple, as outlined above bit. But one also centred 'Simply' around adventure, because in adventure Ii find In can find myself and my soul, while still having strong meaningful purpose.

In sharing this with you I'm not trying to say I know the answers, and have it all sorted, I know many of you are much further down your own tracks... All I'm trying to do is share my exploring of an alternate approach.... And maybe it triggers a few thoughts for your journey...!

Lastly, this Blog and your participation, whether active or passive, provides a very important social / human connection for me, one that enables me to not have a craving need to 'get out of here', and be with friends / others....so thank you, it's a very special part of the 'not alone' part of 'Solo but not Alone'

Please feel free to post up your comments, disagreements, views, beliefs...It's all serious fun!

And you just thought this was a South Pole expedition, hey!

Off to bed, feeling very content... Bit of a wind outside, but nice and warm inside my little tent!

Day 16: Freedom in Antarctica...'Simply Adventure' is alive and well...

85:21.743S 82:21.671W

Hey, ALL your comments are JUST amazing.... Thanks, and I can tell you it inspires me to share more in these postings.... I wish I could reply to each, but......!! Just know you are ABSOLUTELY here with me in my thoughts and mind in the middle of Antarctica. Solo but DEFINITELY not Alone!

If you see my course today on Google Earth, on 'The Diary', you may start wondering whether those compasses are playing games again...! My course today took a 'strange' veer almost direct west, not one for one trying to make it to the South Pole ASAP!

Well my wandering, adventurous, exploring side just took control away from the competitive racer! Absolute Freedom reigned:

I told you about my lovely 'campsite' (yeah, space 10a!) last night 'near' the best nunataks I've seen so far. Each time I've passed a nunatak, I've been curious, and almost tempted to detour to go and 'touch' one. Although simple in concept, they do fascinate me, and I wonder if there are crevasses around each peak, as the ice flows around the fixed moutain, on its way to the sea. Also, I have never been to a continent and not 'put my foot' on the ground! I've only been on the ice way above the 'ground'! So intrigue has been building!

This morning I woke to a perfect still, warm morning, and as I had my almost, pleasant today, daily pre breakfast loo experience, I gazed in awe at the nunataks, and thought: "You are good on 'schedule' for the Pole, you guys are all telling me to "Rest" and it's the perfect day to go and explore the nunataks." This is the strange mix I have within me, and my ,Simpy Adventure' life philosophy is designed to accommodate the fast, go-for-it stuff, but also the, hey it's not so serious, enjoy the now of exploring too... Freedom of choice... I like to think it maximises that, withoutt 'losing one's way! So....

Over breakfast I worked at my plan: I estimated it would take me 'about an hour' to get there, maybe two, a total off-course, but spiritually wonderful, deviation to route to the Pole. So, off I went, so happy I didn't have to sell the 'crazy' idea to anyone else, or explain why I stupidly, wanted to 'touch' them... I just made the decision based on what I FELT inside me I just HAD to do....! Solo... one of the real benefits, or maybe not... read more!

Initially, I was confused as I thought through how I'd pushed for every kilometre towards the Pole these last few days, and now I was 'wasting' them.Then I thought: "No, it's the TIME that those hard days have earned for me are now giving me the FREEDOM to explore as I want! This all felt good, and before long I was 'locked' on the nunataks, and how lucky I was to be going to 'touch them'!

As I skied along I felt so motivated, and alive, the power of Simply Adventure was pumping through my veins again. At one point I was just overcome by emotions, tears welled up, like a deep spiritual satisfaction. Well...

The further I skied, the more I committed to my goal and its dream I became, but at the same time the 'big mountain peaks' weren't getting closer at the rate I'd been used to with the little sastrugi beacons each day.... Hmm, these nunataks are further than I thought. Ok no problem, I REALLY want the experience, so relax, ski whatever it takes, and maybe just write off the day to 'fun and pleasure'! I'd even conjured up the dream of pitching my tent for 'lunch' right next to the cutest one, and stay there overnight... I'd already chosen it! Well...

I skied for 6.5 hours, 18.8 kilometres, and they hardly got closer! I have NEVER experienced anything like this total inability to judge distance... In fact at sea, which is also a vast 'nothingness', I pride myself on my ability to judge long distances. But this was new territory, and something had affected my gut feel!

Clearly they did get much closer, and became increasingly spectacular as they did, but my commitment to a worthy goal needed to be 'audited'. I'd skied all this 6.5 hours without ONE break... Excitement, and passion fueling me through all fatigue/mental barriers on a normal 'boring' day. Funny hey! My hands were so 'frozen' in clenching the poles that when I finally stopped on 'the auditors' instruction I could hardly undo my backpack clips, and release my ski bindings. Such was the power of my nunatak dream! I understand many may see this as madness, not understand the fascination, and yes, logically it doesn't make sense, but this is ME, and its about a strange and powerful fire within. Many will relate in your own passion areas to this same 'madness'....

So the meeting with the 'spoil sport' auditor didn't go well: I'd reached the point where although this detour hadn't actually added kilometres to the distance I still have to the Pole, going any further would start doing that, ie taking me backwards from yesterday. The views of the mountain range were spectacular, two groups of nunataks, spread over quite a few kilometres (?!). The first being iconic, easily recognisable rocky, but snow peppered, tops of jagged, mountain peaks. The other was more like a totally white ice encrusted table, seemingly standing on the surrounding ice, and almost part of it. Inside me the dream fire was still burning strong, but when the auditor asked me how far away they still were, I scarily, honestly could not answer! I estimated not more than 1/2 an hour ski away, but then I lost confidence and thought it maybe still another two hours, I REALLY don't know... Based on that, I decided to I had to 'park' the dream and set up tent, with a view to maybe exploring just on my own (no sled and gear) later... So, here I am with a really spectacular 'closeup' view of the best nunataks to date, and its 16h30, and I'm about to decide whether I set out on my own or not....

It's now 20h30, and I'm back from my ski to 'touch the nunataks'! I decided this was a once-off lifetime opportunity, and I had to give it all I've got to realise at least some of ths morning's dream. Well (again!)...

I did 4km and to my utter shock and amazement, I probably did about half the distance to the closest nunatak! This is astounding, there is something wrong! I did think that for two weeks now the highest thing I've seen is my tent! I've been focusing on small distant shimmeriing sastrugi, so maybe I just could no longer reference these significant height peak tops. Another contributor could be the very pure, clean atmosphere.... I'm almost embarrassed sharing this faux pax wit you!

Anyway, at the end of the 4km, it did feel real closeup and I could see one significant glacier squeezed between the two largest nunataks, which was special. In terms of achieving my original excursion goal, I have failed, but the day's experiences, including the freedom emotions and spiritual peace, plus the close-up views were together ALL worth it. As a bonus I also got to have a special 8km cross country ski, without 'my friend' the sled, in the world's biggest cross country ski park! Don't know where you pay, and why there was nobody else here! Gee, it was light and fast without 'my friend'!

In this account of my day's seemingly unachieved mission I have found many life lessons, and above all, an adventure into the unknown has risk, and deciding when one is a coward or when it's right to change direction and walk away from a heart-felt pursuit is one of the most diffficult decisions I find in life! The other thing is how we are naturally optimistic, and that gives us hope, dreams, and helps us off our butts, when well thought through 'auditor' rationality will probably keep us locked in our comfort zones!

Oh well, strange posting this one, butt I hope you get something out of it, because hey, this was one WHOLE day of my life!

I've just had my last course of my 7500 calorie (SP) day's food intake, and am off to bed, because:

Back to competitive production tomorrow...

Cheers

Day 15: Two great distance days with no problems

85:19.669S 80:19.977W

Elevation: 1351 metres

Only 522km to go! Sled is getting lighter every day... I must be down 20 kg since the start... I'll be flying soon!

A gruelling, but productive two days behind me.... The human being likes routine and I had just settled down into my daily sleep, eat ski, routine, and then yesterday's bad light visibility gave me no option but to change things. It all came so sudden, one moment I was in clear blue skies, then within minutes the fog had moved in and I had to deal with this dull grey atmosphere that blends seamlessly with the ice. You can't make out bumps and humps, and it all feels very eerie. It's debilitating trying to ski in the rough sastrugi terrain I was in, as you stumble and fall almost each step. I'd been going so well, it was 3.5 into the day's marching and I'd already mentally banked the day's record... That's whaat happens, hey, when one makes assumptions: 'Mother Nature' turns around to show you who is in charge!

Anyway, it was eventually the sun that pushed me across the line to stop and take a 5-6 hour rest. There was a very dull sun coming through the fog, but enough to provide depth perspective when facing the sun... I was going away from it. Here where I am the sun basically goes around in a full circle, almost the same angle to the horizon the whole 24hr cycle. It's quite bizarre at first, but in preparing for the North Pole, I spent time REALLY understanding why, and if you don't it's quite a worthwhile exercise. It may also take you to the significance of the Arctic and Antarctic circles, they are both defined by 24 hour sun criteria....! Ok, so I got distracted:

Well knowing that even if the fog didn't lift, 5-6 hours later the sun would start being in front of me, so the visibility from my perspective would be 100% better. Better still the fog might have lifted, so it seemed like a theoretical no-brainer. How to get my body clock to accept the plan with minimal resistance was the practical challenge.

Anyway, it all worked out great, other than today feeling like a particularly punishing day, after just 3 hours sleep last night.

Yesterday I also reached the point called Thiel corner. Now clear of the mountains, I could make a 30 degree easterly 'turn' to start heading almost direct south for the South Pole. Just one more crevasse area to be detoured around, but that's 250 km off still.

The area I have been skiing in the past two days appears to be an old crevasse field, with 150-200 metre crevasses covered with hard snow/ice running 90 degrees to the direction of my travel. These provide great flat ski surfaces, and a little bump to ski down, once you are over the hump up to it. Now and again the ice underneath lets out a load groan as it resettles somewhere under where me and my sled have caused some weight stress. It was a bit spooky to start with, but know I understand it, it's not a problem.

The weather today has been amazingly warm (I'd say -10C at the very coldest) , no wind, but a bit of the dreaded fog. Lots of nunataks, and like last night I'm camped right opposite about 5 mountain peaks just sticking through the ice, maybe 1-200 metres above the surface ice... Pretty cool!

It was great to connect back to my usual heart dinner again, I missed my dinner time in my little tent last night, it's really cosy, and starting it off with a whisky cocktail sets the atmosphere for a 4 course dinner that ends with 'muscle milk for dessert... Very important for recovery from the day's work.

My feet are very sore, not sure exactly what the problem is, but tomorrow I'll be plastering my toes up to try and help. Noot whingeing, just giving you the whole picture....!

Looking forward to my 6.5hrs sleep now...

G/night!

Midnight skiing brings a 30km day

85:04.189S 79:59.400W

Just passed 85 deg Slowly getting there!

Hey, it's just after midnight (Yeah, well Punta Arenas time), and I have just completed my day's skiing. Obviously, it's still bright daylight here, the sun is two hours away from local midnight (for 79 deg W). 

Gee, was I proud of my set up tent, sleep and take a break strategy. The evening sun angle made visibility so much better and gave me a new record day's run: 30.1 km... Very sweet!

I'm 'camped' about 1 km from a large nunatak. A fitting campsite with a view, for a good day's work!

Now off to sleep... 3 hours, and then up again.... and it's Sunday!

Full blog at the end of skiing tomorrow.... 

Day 13! The first uneventful day... Rest!

84:48.644S 79:07.781W

27 km done today, 588km to go, and I'm at 1320 metres - another 1500m still to go up!

Today was an Amundsen day: All went according to plan! I'm definitely more of the Robert Falcon Scott type!  "She'll be alright, and if 'she' isn't 'we' will somehow make a plan to recover." Not that I could ever be compared to these amazing adventurers. December 14, it will be 100 years ago... That blows my mind to think how REALLY hard it must have been... No-one knew what to expect, as no one had ever been there... never mind the basic technology... Heroes!

It was good to have a 'quiet' day, even the weather responded: After the usual headwind, by mid morning it was dead still and blue sky, which all made for a relatively warm day.

Repaired pole is holding up, I'm thankful every day.

I did pass the crevasse field I was expecting... 'rung' after rung of 5m wide, snow bridged, crevasse that stretched for maybe 1km. I kept well clear, and didn't need to cross them.

Also saw another nunatak, so impressive, I was very close to making a 'tourist' detour, but decided best to venture on ahead. I think these were the tops of the Thiel mountains.

I'm having an early night tonight... Presume you are all out enjoying yourselves, so ok for me to head to bed?

Talk again tomorrow