Day 32: Mother Nature decides my pace... Storm again!

89:02.473S 81:28.666W

Crossed the 89th parallel at 11h15 today, going like a rocket and now into the final straight. It felt pretty special to be at this 'strange' position on the bottom of the world... It sounds probably 'stupid' but I did have this sense that its curvature / shape is different as it's so close to the Pole... I'm not going mad... Just letting the thoughts out freely

Elevation: 2736 metres. I'm definitely on the South Pole plateau, hey! It's just so different in skiing surface too...

"You say like a rocket: Ok, so why haven't you moved much on 'the map' then...?"

Oh well, another dreaded northerly storm put an end to what I'd hoped would be another 34 or so kilometre day. I should learn my lessons: 1st one: never tell you guys what a beautiful evening it is. And secondly: don't try to predict my arrival day! Mother Nature doesn't like me to think I'm in control...

At the start today there was a light following Northerly wind, which gradually strengthened bringing with it total cloud and virtually zero visibility conditions. I saw it all happening but somehow wanted to deny the day was going to be cut short. I skied through for a bit, but found I was disorientated to the point I was zig-zagging like a drunken. It was quite amazing how suddenly my mindset switched to thinking how nice it would be to spend another 'day' (?) in the luxury of my cosy little tent on the ice on my own! There REALLY is something special about that... Wind howling outside and 'us' being made into a sastrugi again, probably the only one around here this time! I just wish I had more food stocks, and that long gone whisky... I'd need nothing more... Well for this 'prison'!! Food is a bit tight, but will be OK, provided I'm not stuck here for more than a day more. I've got this strange conflict: I want to enjoy this time in the tent out here in nothingness, but also want to get to the Pole. I REALLY do know I'll miss the specialness of being and doing EXACTLY what I'm doing RIGHT now, and again, the reality of the situation does provide a 'wakeup jolt': I'm in this minute tent, in this vast wilderness, inhospitable weather outside, a few layers of thin fabric separating the two environments, and I'm insignificant as far as this world is concerned... Hmmm, that's maybe what makes up a large part of the specialness...

I'm hoping the 2-4 days waiting for Ruth at the Pole will be almost as pleasurable, but it will be closer to 'your guys' life: there'll be people around, and I'll have a boredom distracter: My Kindle. So I can read! It's waiting for me at the Pole, together with 'a few other' indulgences. Yeah, I've also been contaminated, and am a bit normal! But hey, I have to get there first... Focus!

I spoke about the ice occasionally rumbling as 'we' cross over it, well today I had a real big one: it was as if a whole ice building was collapsing underneath 'us'. The noise like a pack of structures falling went on for seconds, and I was fully expecting to see cracks all around, but nope, nothing, it's all under the surface. Maybe it's not as serious as it sounds, but from the sound of things there must be a significant cavity somewhere below. I did imagine skiing along and we sort of 'detonate' a large area of collapse that just consumes me, the sled and nothing more heard! I guess the fact this isn't supposed to be a crevasse area; I've never seen surface cracks when this happens; and it hasn't happened to others before me, allows me to pushing it off the fear list.

As I write this and think that tomorrow is Christmas eve for you guys (yes, me too, but it's quite different for me) I think how busy your lives must be, and it must be so obvious from this and other emails how minutely micro my world is... Strange, hey, and yet I'm not missing busy-ness, and all that goes with that... Doesn't mean to say that if my world was in amongst all that I wouldn't be enjoying it... But let me say: I'm not missing it... Maybe I'm a bloody weirdo...? Maybe it's because I know I can't have it, but the nice thing is, I must be somehow 'balanced' out here because I feel content... But life IS very SIMPLE!

I'm not sure how long this storm will last, but I know I'm not in charge, so all I can do is have a flexible plan for what WILL happen: Unless the sun appears and wakes me earlier, I'll wake up as usual at 6am, and see what things look like. The remotest chance of being able to see to ski, and I'll cook breakfast and headout asap. If it's still 'inhospitable' I'll give breakfast a miss, go back to bed for a few hours and check again... And repeat until I can go..... So if it goes on a while you may get a surprise email and maybe even another photo or two....

Now back to the philosophical thread: Belonging and ID in the context of managing one's life for maximum Freedom. (And by the way, that's a big assumption of mine, that most people want MORE freedom? I'd like your views on this? Would you like more freedom in your life? Honestly now? 100% Freedom being the ability to Act, Speak, and Think without ANY restraint, and we all live somewhere 'back' from that maximum reference. Where do you fit on the scale?)

Belonging then: This is simply being a part of one or more human being group - essentially a relationship of mutual need and acceptance. The most fundamental and intimate being the relationship with 'oneself', belonging within one's own skin, to the least intimate, just belonging as a citizen of the world. Inbetween those two we all have a range of belonging situations. As I'm always reminded: The human being is a social creature, so belonging is a fundamental human need. Yeah, accepted, but is there a limit to 'healthy' belonging? Too much belonging can reduce one's freedom, by the need to constantly meet the demands / expectations of the 'group' to continue to be accepted.

I sense in this complex world we now live in the NEED to belong is at an all time high, probably because of the breakdown in family / society fundamentals, and a complex world confusing people.... Strong statement, but JUST my views. To me this is borne out by the power of brands, fashions, the narrowness of what's cool, the draw of celebrities, the unbalanced popularity and hero status of 'ordinary celebrities', the following of highly marketed professional sports teams, Facebook's easy virtual friends, etc, etc, etc.. 'People' seem so desperate to belong to 'something'... In my humble opinion, this extraordinary need to belong comes from 'people' not knowing who they really are, so using these icons as their ID associators / references.

Then there is the other dimension of belonging: We all need money to live, and because of the power of the capitalist hegemony, money is almost, if not, central to society today. Belonging to groups / individuals who can lead one to money, whether that be just your boss at work, your breadwinner husband / wife or your business network connections, the 'better' you belong to the easy path to monetary freedom. So if that is the case, it would seem possible that 'people' will do anything just to belong to get the reward. In the process 'they' modify who they are so as to be accepted in these groups... Cynical, maybe, but partially true to.....?

The society 'we' live in today is a classic hegemony, and it's so clear what defines success and what you have to do to get there...There are messages about this in every newspaper, TV, movies, etc, etc. There is a societal pressure that keeps people on a materialism 'rat race', that fuels the hegemony, and destines most to a life of subsistence work: working to sustain an ever-increasing 'standard of living', so 'we' can fit in (belong) better in society...

You, or I, or our friends may be exceptions to this world... But I think it takes a strong and courageous personality, and a different 'life approach'.

So, all this leads to a huge NEED to belong, and in the process one probably forgoes a lot of Freedom!

I got to the point in 2004 where I could no longer belong within the hegemony's values, and so turned my back on 'that society' to go and explore 'something better'... A daunting adventure in hindsight! Where does one start looking for a 'new world'? I chose adventure as the medium and Nature as my teacher! I sensed cutting myself from virtually all belonging, and material needs, grabbing the associated freedom, and then putting myself naked in front of Nature, through solo sailing, cycling, polar stuff, etc, in the world's wilderness', I'd learn REAL 'stuff'....

Well, surprise, surprise, just like now in my tent, with the wind still howling outside, the simpler life became, and the more naked I got, the more I developed a REAL relationship with myself. I began to belong in the most primary place possible, within myself! I joke with many about the concept of 'Romantic dinners for One', but the ability to not only do that, but ENJOY the occasion, I believe is a test of strong internal belonging!

On my adventure, and exploring for another 'life world', I sense at some point around 2006, I experienced the lowest level of external belonging in my life. I was a solo sailor / adventurer, wandering without a home, other than my yacht, no country of residence, and just free. I'd left the hegemony world.

So right, where is all this going?

Well, what I experienced was that as I belonged more within, my 'desperate' need to belong with 'many and everyone' diminished, and the more I simplified my life, the 'richer' I became! Now I don't want this coming across as me being a social recluse, or I don't need friends, hopefully you can see from my communications I love interaction with others. It needs to be real belonging relationships, where we can truly be free infront of each other... Be ourselves, the one who we know deep within. Anything short of that, and my freedom may be compromised!

So in this whole exploring process, I found another life, one where I largely managed to retain my hard won freedom, while having a new more grounded and less demanding basis for belonging. I'm only sharing with you my experiences, not trying to TELL you what's right or wrong. How could I? Life is coomplex and individaul. Please comment as you see fit, from your heart....

Gee, guys I hope there is something in all this which is remotely of interest / value to you, but it's been very special writing this to you from my little house on the ice, in the middle of a storm... I almost sense I was given this storm break, to send this 'story' off to you...

I often get told: "Oh you can only do all this with wealth, so it's for an exclusive few." If time permits, I'd like to share next time my views on this, and why that isn't true!

I do hope I can continue towards the Pole tomorrow. Still 105 km.

Cheers for now...

H