89:59.999S 00:16.0W
Still at the Pole!
It's been two days of virtually doing nothing... Well, one very important thing: Resting and recovering!
I have also had the chance to read all your comments on the blog, which were JUST great, and once again overwhelming....!
I logged on to the southpolesolo@mailasail.com email account, but there were just too many emails to download by satphone, so they will unfortunately have to wait until I'm back in Punta Arenas.
I've just been knocked out from the exhaustion that suddenly surfaces once one stops! It's something I've experienced a few times before, and now waiting for Ruth's expedition arrival which is a expected to be in the next few hours.... I'm pretty excited to see her, but I bet she just can't wait to stop moving and know the goal destination has been reached.
Life around here at the ALE South Pole camp has changed quite a bit since I first arrived, as three other expeditions arrived. It's always interesting talking to others who have been 'out there' and comparing / sharing experiences. One of the teams had a scary crevasse experience where the sled fell down a 30m deep crevasse, in 'the middle of nowhere', was dangling in the air with the still-taught line, tethered 'pilot', struggling to be the last resource, anchor preventing 'it all' from dropping the full 30m into a scary blue room. He was so consumed with the physical struggle he was unable to help himself, so it took a colleague to pull out a knife and cut the sled free to fall on its own the 30m! Being mountaineers, they then proceeded to abseil down into the 'blue room' to rescue the sled. It had to be totally unpacked and piece by piece removed out of the crevasse... From a solo perspective, I chillingly thought through the situation, and the life and death situation I'd clearly been spared, but that it clearly presented.
I could see from some of the comments that many of you have sensed that I've been re-visiting the decision on kiting back or not... Yeah, I always knew that the solo trip to the Pole was the 'main show', and kiting was an add-on bonus opportunity, but now I'm dealing with the practical and emotional realities...
I'd had lots of thoughts about it in the 35 days on my own, tried to understand the impact of two team members of the original five no longer being part of it, but had decided I'd wait until I'd made it to the Pole, and then had a few days regeneration time, before deciding... Well, I'm at that point now.
It's been hard to be objective and honest with myself, but eventually I've decided I'm not in the right physical and mental state to be able to REALLY enjoy the challenge of kiting back. My right foot is 'normal' again, but it's much more than that.
I could probably rustle up the will and energy to get out there and do it, but after the unbelievably intense and amazing solo trip, it's fallen way down on the 'want to do' priorities, so I'll be flying back.
I do believe that an important part of life is being able to listen to one's passions and deeper feelings, rather than just obsessively following pre-committed objectives. It's not always an easy one, hey! As others were involved, I did need to check that my decision didn't disadvantage / pain / compromise the team / individual member goals / experiences. A phone call to the ever flexible Richard Weber, the kite expedition guide / leader, confirmed my decision wouldn't compromise the team, nor any one individual. I was free to decide entirely in my own world. Was I just taking the easy route and missing out another great life experience opportunity? Would I regret it? Am I focusing on the problems / difficulties, when the joys / highlights far outweigh them? No, I'm happy with my decision, and probably most of all I can now REALLY savour the solo trip. l owe it to myself to fully enjoy what we created together, and I'm really going to do that....
Thanks for those of you who helped 'push me' towards this path too... At the time I read your comment about kiting, it DID have influence. Thank You for your insightfulness, and internalistion of my situation.
Finally, I would like to thank the following people who helped make this 'Solo but not Alone', South Pole expedition of mine such a huge experience success:
Richard Weber: In the expedition preparations Richard was always there to provide his expert advice and support on the many equipment and decisions. His unselfish mentoring on my 2010 North Pole expedition gave me the confidence to take on this solo challenge.
Josee Auclair (Richard's wife) and her team in Ottawa, Canada, who put my amazing food rations together, including customs passing and delivery to Punta Arenas.
My sister, Ros, and her husband, Bob, in California: They provide that special, intimate support that comes through family bonds.
Neil Bailey: a long-time friend and original sailing mentor of mine who, earlier this year, truly helped me through the decision to 'do it alone', and then has been truly close support throughout the preparation and the actual expedition. I know of all people Neil really understands what I've been through.
Dominique, who managed the blog and was the 7-day-a-week interface between you guys and me.
You Guys! My Blog supporters: I've expressed my gratitude and amazement at the bond we developed, but the last few days of personal reflection and comparisons with the experiences of other expeditions, I TRULY see how VERY special your support and our interaction was for 'the journey' part of my experience. Many asked how I had time and energy to write a blog at the end of a hard 11 hour day? Yeah, I only slept 6 hours a 'night' on average, but writing the blog was so natural and integral part of my whole day that I believe it had enormous, 'end of day' therapeutic value for me, and I was excited to share my intense thoughts as they came right off the Antarctic coalface... I'll be in contact with you individually soon.
ALE: For providing the logistics and infrastructure that allowed me to contemplate and then execute the expedition.
Lastly, but far from least, Ruth. She has always been fully behind me doing this expedition, and has lived through the emotional rollercoaster the journey this year has sometimes involved. Her satphone support along the way, while dealing with her own very intense experience, was invaluable and another big part of the 'Not Alone' experience.
Adios.....
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Day 35.9!: I've arrived at the Bottom of the World!
89:59.99S 00:16.0W
I'm HERE at the South Pole, I honestly believe it hasn't hit home yet!
I'm actually at 90 degrees South, but not sure Google Earth / The Diary can deal with 90 co-ordinates, so the 89 above!
Elevation: 2834
At 11h55 Punta Arenas time (GMT +3) my sled finally came to a halt at it's destination: The South Pole!
It took me almost 6 hours today, in almost 'dream' weather, clear blue sky, not too cold, but that headwind was 'just there' reminding me what yesterday was like... I was thankful that I'd mentally prepared for the fact that it would take six hours to get to the place my mind had almost checked out that 'we' were already there... It was a pretty relaxing ski, and to my total I spent almost the whole time reliving the two wonderful years I spent in 1984/5 (long time back!) living and working in Princeton, USA. I guess the linkage with the US base here is what triggered the whole thing. Anyway, thanks to that my mind was very relaxed, content with the special memories, and the kilometres sped by! In many ways I was dreading the six hours, as it was so close yet so far, and I was 'scared' how I'd deal with that conflict, and the relief prize awaiting! It's strange how the mind can sometimes take one by surprise.
The approach to the 'complex' is quite strange for what it is... There is this huge ice road that is virtually an ice highway, maybe 30 metres wide that I'm told runs the whole way from McMurdo base on the coast (opposite side to where I started) to the South Pole. I was given a waypoint that was a flagged beacon sticking 4km out in the middle of nowhere, but a 'T junction' into the highway... Hmmm, back into civilisation - roads, rules, instructions, and man made infrastructure! It did bloody stress me... I saw where I had to go, started cutting the corner, and then looked back and said: "Hey you have a very clear sled/ski trail telling 'people' where you went, and it's against the instructions, so there are no disputes here, you had better go back and do it properly!" I didn't, but I did feel I was back in a 'policed' environment! I know this sounds overboard, but I'm sharing with you my genuine reactions after being totally free for 35.9 days!
Anyway, I 'yielded' at the intersection, as there was no 'highway traffic' in sight, turned 90 degree right and was now on the highway myself... 4km to go to the finish line... hmmm, still another 80 mins, yet everything looks so close... but I'm wiser now! It was quite fun, as I skied in a snowmobile trail, straight and fast. Eventually there was a '20 km/h Speed limit' sign, and then a few small tents and another sign: 'Campsite'... I was there... well a few hundred metres to the actual South Pole point, but this is where me and my friend 'sled' stopped our 'joint' journey... Forever? We shall see, but at least for 'a long while!' At least we are still good friends 'she' did well the last weeks.
It feels REAL GOOD to know its done, but I DO know I'll miss the simplicity, I can feel it already...
For the moment, I'm enjoying a warmish ALE tent environment (the one of two heaters is not working), a glass or two of good red wine, and RELAXING with a great sense of satisfaction! I'm the only 'guest' here... Scott the new base manager just flew in today, and cooked me a great salmon (yes, fish), non-pemmican, non-cheese, dinner... Total luxury, it's hard to explain, but it REALLY is...
I've set up my tent outside and will retire there soon for VERY pleasant dreams... I'm leaving the alarm to go off at 6am, just to enjoy switching it off, and going back to sleep...
I really look forward to getting the blog comments from after 24/12 soon...
I'm HERE at the South Pole, I honestly believe it hasn't hit home yet!
I'm actually at 90 degrees South, but not sure Google Earth / The Diary can deal with 90 co-ordinates, so the 89 above!
Elevation: 2834
At 11h55 Punta Arenas time (GMT +3) my sled finally came to a halt at it's destination: The South Pole!
It took me almost 6 hours today, in almost 'dream' weather, clear blue sky, not too cold, but that headwind was 'just there' reminding me what yesterday was like... I was thankful that I'd mentally prepared for the fact that it would take six hours to get to the place my mind had almost checked out that 'we' were already there... It was a pretty relaxing ski, and to my total I spent almost the whole time reliving the two wonderful years I spent in 1984/5 (long time back!) living and working in Princeton, USA. I guess the linkage with the US base here is what triggered the whole thing. Anyway, thanks to that my mind was very relaxed, content with the special memories, and the kilometres sped by! In many ways I was dreading the six hours, as it was so close yet so far, and I was 'scared' how I'd deal with that conflict, and the relief prize awaiting! It's strange how the mind can sometimes take one by surprise.
The approach to the 'complex' is quite strange for what it is... There is this huge ice road that is virtually an ice highway, maybe 30 metres wide that I'm told runs the whole way from McMurdo base on the coast (opposite side to where I started) to the South Pole. I was given a waypoint that was a flagged beacon sticking 4km out in the middle of nowhere, but a 'T junction' into the highway... Hmmm, back into civilisation - roads, rules, instructions, and man made infrastructure! It did bloody stress me... I saw where I had to go, started cutting the corner, and then looked back and said: "Hey you have a very clear sled/ski trail telling 'people' where you went, and it's against the instructions, so there are no disputes here, you had better go back and do it properly!" I didn't, but I did feel I was back in a 'policed' environment! I know this sounds overboard, but I'm sharing with you my genuine reactions after being totally free for 35.9 days!
Anyway, I 'yielded' at the intersection, as there was no 'highway traffic' in sight, turned 90 degree right and was now on the highway myself... 4km to go to the finish line... hmmm, still another 80 mins, yet everything looks so close... but I'm wiser now! It was quite fun, as I skied in a snowmobile trail, straight and fast. Eventually there was a '20 km/h Speed limit' sign, and then a few small tents and another sign: 'Campsite'... I was there... well a few hundred metres to the actual South Pole point, but this is where me and my friend 'sled' stopped our 'joint' journey... Forever? We shall see, but at least for 'a long while!' At least we are still good friends 'she' did well the last weeks.
It feels REAL GOOD to know its done, but I DO know I'll miss the simplicity, I can feel it already...
For the moment, I'm enjoying a warmish ALE tent environment (the one of two heaters is not working), a glass or two of good red wine, and RELAXING with a great sense of satisfaction! I'm the only 'guest' here... Scott the new base manager just flew in today, and cooked me a great salmon (yes, fish), non-pemmican, non-cheese, dinner... Total luxury, it's hard to explain, but it REALLY is...
I've set up my tent outside and will retire there soon for VERY pleasant dreams... I'm leaving the alarm to go off at 6am, just to enjoy switching it off, and going back to sleep...
I really look forward to getting the blog comments from after 24/12 soon...
Day 35: What a day...! That's all I can say here... Read all about it below...!
89:50.838S 74:49.855W
Just 9.2 latitude minutes, about 9 nautical miles, and exactly 15 kilometres away from the South Pole... Gee, this has been a long time coming, and did I have to work today! Note how many degrees of longitude I moved from yesterday - almost 6 degrees - but because I'm right near the Pole, that represents a small distance, versus 6 degrees of longitude wherever you are... In fact, at the latitude I'm at now, it's a 108km 'walk around the world', crossing all lines of latitude! Also, I am spinning at less than 3% of someone at the equator. I'll be stationary... Imagine that!
Lastly: Today, and probably for the last week, I have been skiing precisely due South (true, not magnetic!), and tomorrow if I continue on that direction, as I will, I'll 'hit' the South Pole, and then instead of stopping, if I continue in exactly the same line of travel, I'll suddenly be going North! Where else in the world can I do that, hey! Haha, all stupid fun!
Elevation: 2806 metres. Don't be fooled by the virtual 'no change' - I was at 2835 at one point.
A day of lots of pain, emotion, and huge personal 'tests'...
On wakening, I could hear there was a strongish headwind outside, but with only two days and 42 km to go, Mr Invincible can deal with anything to get to the Pole! Well, the morning visit to the outside toilet and the time-consuming tent disestablishment process were chilling experiences to say the least!
Anyway off 'we' went, me dressed for maximum, cold, headwind protection. Hands were really aching as they tried to warm up inside my biggest mitts, but seemingly losing the battle. I had my full windsuit, face balaclava, goggles and full fur ruff creating a cosy little microworld if a stayed in a trance-like focus on the patch of ice 2 metres in front of me. Loose snow was being blown rapidly along the ice in waves coming from directly ahead, giving me a great course direction reference.
Eventually my fingers won their battle, and with no more to worry about, I settled into this new world of mine, basically never needing to look up. I must have been going an hour, and something made me suddenly look up, and there, like apparitions, all around me were 5 or 6 red kites in the air, with their pilots hanging on for the ride of their lives, sleds carving out neat telltale trails in the ice. They were heading North. Was I dreaming...? No, this was for real, my first humans again! One came up to chat, and it turned out to be the leader, a Norwegian, Christiaan Eide, who holds the record for the fastest solo, unsupported, unassisted coast-to-Pole trip. He had just completed an expedition from the Ross Ice shelf side, and they were now kiting back. We know each other, and after initial greetings, I guess as any encouraging 'friend' would have done, he said "Not far to go now!" I nearly pulled out my GPS, and said, "Oh, I wondered how far, my GPS is broken!" I must have been irritated by something... They had invaded 'MY' wilderness, and this was the first sign that it's all about to end! We had a brief chat, and then went our 180-degree different ways...
I continued on, trying to get back into my micro, fur-rimmed world, but couldn't help myself stopping every now and again to appreciate the wonder of these humans being towed away at rapid speed further and further into the distance.The contrast of the white ice, cloudless blue sky, and red kites making for a great scene.
I don't know whether it was my 2nd-to-last day 'release from prison' restlessness or not, but from here on I struggled:
The ice was soft: often as I tried to get on the glide, my pole would go through the surface down 30cm, having just the opposite effect. I seemed to always be skiing uphill towards 'a crest' that never seemed to crest. The wind continued relentlessly, the GPS confirmed I had no rhythm, and time seemed to really drag... All I could think about was getting to the Pole. Because of the bad headwind, I also decided to increase the time between breaks, and at the first break, I was really hungry so devoured the fruitcake, butter, and two chocolate truffles. I think the impact of all this cold, high fat food just hit my system, as I had the most difficult post-break recovery of the whole trip. My fingers pained, I had to stop and 'windmill' them many times to prevent them totally freezing, and for the first time my feet also started to feel the cold, and 'think about starting to freeze'... Hmm, why was this turning into such a difficult day...? I remembered my polar friend Dan's comment on the blog: Enjoy the last few days, the bad parts too... It made 100% sense, I had been there before, but I now needed to 'enjoy' these difficult times. Each time I started a positive, inspiring thought path, it went straight to a negative dead end!
Then, at 21.6 km to go...
...One of the crestless hills had a crest, and as I reached it, in front of me in the distance, right on course, lay what appeared to be some buildings / infrastructure... Was this the Pole? A few minutes of assessing things, and YES, it's the Pole!! Excitement levels rose, it looked like it was 3 or 4 km off, but the GPS doesn't lie, and Nunatak Day is still embarrassingly clear in my memory! No, I still had 21.6 km to go, and NO, I'm not there yet. But that's unfair, I can see it all clearly, I'm just as good as finished...! Hmmm, the torment!
Well, I'm dead on track with my plan for the final strait tomorrow... Little did I know how good this plan is! I was almost 'go for broke, and try and try make it today', but guaranteed, after my experience today, I'd still be out there and destined to become a broken man! Why?:
After 'complaining' so many times about the nothingness - the lack of 'beacons' - I now have 4 buildings clustered together, and another one who knows how far from the cluster, as never-getting-closer beacons to stare at for 5 hours tomorrow. Had I tried to do it today, I'd have destroyed myself!
I'm now ready for the 'big day': Forget the buildings, just head down, hour after hour, as if there was the usual nothingness. Get into relaxed mind space and soon 'You'll be in one of the buildings!' I can't wait, this is VERY special...
After seeing the buildings, my thoughts went to Amundsen and my North Pole expedition: With Amundsen, I thought about how he must have felt, searching within true nothingness for the something special point in it... there were no buildings, it wasn't a stop off destination like it is for me... He 'just' went to 'mark' the spot in the nothingness, confirm mission completed and then turn around and retrace his steps... Hmmm, this takes immense strength, character and deep motive.
Re: the North Pole: there is no beacon, nor building, the day 'you' arrive at the North Pole, it could be a pool of -1.8C sea water! I thought this strange and difficult at the time, but with 15km of staring at a never-getting-closer building, I think in the huge difficulty of the Arctic, the North Pole obscurity is easier for the mind. Maybe Amundsen felt the same!
The wind is still blowing, but for my last night out, it is a lovely sunny one, and I'm really savoring it...
Next one from the Pole... Hooray!!
Just 9.2 latitude minutes, about 9 nautical miles, and exactly 15 kilometres away from the South Pole... Gee, this has been a long time coming, and did I have to work today! Note how many degrees of longitude I moved from yesterday - almost 6 degrees - but because I'm right near the Pole, that represents a small distance, versus 6 degrees of longitude wherever you are... In fact, at the latitude I'm at now, it's a 108km 'walk around the world', crossing all lines of latitude! Also, I am spinning at less than 3% of someone at the equator. I'll be stationary... Imagine that!
Lastly: Today, and probably for the last week, I have been skiing precisely due South (true, not magnetic!), and tomorrow if I continue on that direction, as I will, I'll 'hit' the South Pole, and then instead of stopping, if I continue in exactly the same line of travel, I'll suddenly be going North! Where else in the world can I do that, hey! Haha, all stupid fun!
Elevation: 2806 metres. Don't be fooled by the virtual 'no change' - I was at 2835 at one point.
A day of lots of pain, emotion, and huge personal 'tests'...
On wakening, I could hear there was a strongish headwind outside, but with only two days and 42 km to go, Mr Invincible can deal with anything to get to the Pole! Well, the morning visit to the outside toilet and the time-consuming tent disestablishment process were chilling experiences to say the least!
Anyway off 'we' went, me dressed for maximum, cold, headwind protection. Hands were really aching as they tried to warm up inside my biggest mitts, but seemingly losing the battle. I had my full windsuit, face balaclava, goggles and full fur ruff creating a cosy little microworld if a stayed in a trance-like focus on the patch of ice 2 metres in front of me. Loose snow was being blown rapidly along the ice in waves coming from directly ahead, giving me a great course direction reference.
Eventually my fingers won their battle, and with no more to worry about, I settled into this new world of mine, basically never needing to look up. I must have been going an hour, and something made me suddenly look up, and there, like apparitions, all around me were 5 or 6 red kites in the air, with their pilots hanging on for the ride of their lives, sleds carving out neat telltale trails in the ice. They were heading North. Was I dreaming...? No, this was for real, my first humans again! One came up to chat, and it turned out to be the leader, a Norwegian, Christiaan Eide, who holds the record for the fastest solo, unsupported, unassisted coast-to-Pole trip. He had just completed an expedition from the Ross Ice shelf side, and they were now kiting back. We know each other, and after initial greetings, I guess as any encouraging 'friend' would have done, he said "Not far to go now!" I nearly pulled out my GPS, and said, "Oh, I wondered how far, my GPS is broken!" I must have been irritated by something... They had invaded 'MY' wilderness, and this was the first sign that it's all about to end! We had a brief chat, and then went our 180-degree different ways...
I continued on, trying to get back into my micro, fur-rimmed world, but couldn't help myself stopping every now and again to appreciate the wonder of these humans being towed away at rapid speed further and further into the distance.The contrast of the white ice, cloudless blue sky, and red kites making for a great scene.
I don't know whether it was my 2nd-to-last day 'release from prison' restlessness or not, but from here on I struggled:
The ice was soft: often as I tried to get on the glide, my pole would go through the surface down 30cm, having just the opposite effect. I seemed to always be skiing uphill towards 'a crest' that never seemed to crest. The wind continued relentlessly, the GPS confirmed I had no rhythm, and time seemed to really drag... All I could think about was getting to the Pole. Because of the bad headwind, I also decided to increase the time between breaks, and at the first break, I was really hungry so devoured the fruitcake, butter, and two chocolate truffles. I think the impact of all this cold, high fat food just hit my system, as I had the most difficult post-break recovery of the whole trip. My fingers pained, I had to stop and 'windmill' them many times to prevent them totally freezing, and for the first time my feet also started to feel the cold, and 'think about starting to freeze'... Hmm, why was this turning into such a difficult day...? I remembered my polar friend Dan's comment on the blog: Enjoy the last few days, the bad parts too... It made 100% sense, I had been there before, but I now needed to 'enjoy' these difficult times. Each time I started a positive, inspiring thought path, it went straight to a negative dead end!
Then, at 21.6 km to go...
...One of the crestless hills had a crest, and as I reached it, in front of me in the distance, right on course, lay what appeared to be some buildings / infrastructure... Was this the Pole? A few minutes of assessing things, and YES, it's the Pole!! Excitement levels rose, it looked like it was 3 or 4 km off, but the GPS doesn't lie, and Nunatak Day is still embarrassingly clear in my memory! No, I still had 21.6 km to go, and NO, I'm not there yet. But that's unfair, I can see it all clearly, I'm just as good as finished...! Hmmm, the torment!
Well, I'm dead on track with my plan for the final strait tomorrow... Little did I know how good this plan is! I was almost 'go for broke, and try and try make it today', but guaranteed, after my experience today, I'd still be out there and destined to become a broken man! Why?:
After 'complaining' so many times about the nothingness - the lack of 'beacons' - I now have 4 buildings clustered together, and another one who knows how far from the cluster, as never-getting-closer beacons to stare at for 5 hours tomorrow. Had I tried to do it today, I'd have destroyed myself!
I'm now ready for the 'big day': Forget the buildings, just head down, hour after hour, as if there was the usual nothingness. Get into relaxed mind space and soon 'You'll be in one of the buildings!' I can't wait, this is VERY special...
After seeing the buildings, my thoughts went to Amundsen and my North Pole expedition: With Amundsen, I thought about how he must have felt, searching within true nothingness for the something special point in it... there were no buildings, it wasn't a stop off destination like it is for me... He 'just' went to 'mark' the spot in the nothingness, confirm mission completed and then turn around and retrace his steps... Hmmm, this takes immense strength, character and deep motive.
Re: the North Pole: there is no beacon, nor building, the day 'you' arrive at the North Pole, it could be a pool of -1.8C sea water! I thought this strange and difficult at the time, but with 15km of staring at a never-getting-closer building, I think in the huge difficulty of the Arctic, the North Pole obscurity is easier for the mind. Maybe Amundsen felt the same!
The wind is still blowing, but for my last night out, it is a lovely sunny one, and I'm really savoring it...
Next one from the Pole... Hooray!!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Day 34: The Whitest Christmas I'll ever have...! No Father Christmas so I gave myself a present!
89:37.353S 80:35.807W
Anybody out there? All at Christmas celebrations......?
A MERRY CHRISTMAS from just near the South Pole, TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!
Inching south to the end goal, just under 23 minutes of latitude left...42km!
Elevation: 2802 metres. Into the final 2800s, the plateau does have a few unexpected 'inclines'...
So it's Christmas day is it? No Santa, no decorations, no public holiday, in fact, just the same as yesterday! No, well, I did give myself a present: Only 8 hours march today, and had two luxurious relaxing hours doing 'nothing'... Sheer bliss!
I say doing "nothing", but what I did was so overwhelming it brought tears to my eyes: Firstly, I got nice and comfortable in my tent 'armchair' (yes, I have one, an indispensable item!) put my Father Christmas hat on, and then downloaded the past 3-4 days of your comments that Dominique kindly sent through on her Christmas day.... Well, guys, as I say I was overwhelmed, so much so I shouted out with joy: "This is JUST bloody incredible...Very, very SPECIAL" From all over the world too.... I'm truly lucky, and can't say how the blog and level of interaction has taken 'Solo but NOT Alone' to a level I could never have dreamed....Thanks for being such a key part of my amazing experience!!
What was great was reading about your Christmas preparations / arrangements etc, it took me right into your world too.... Simon takes the 'Belonging' prize with his 28 'people' dinner! Patrick and Brigetta take the 'most spiritual turkey' award, and Sandy gets the prize for the 'least whitest Christmas', because you SHOULD always have snow there where you are!
Please could I ask: If you comment, but aren't on the email list, could you please 'sign up', as I do want to get back to you all individually once I get back to Punta Arenas, and can really savor reliving the whole thing by reading it all in chronological order again. Thanks!
So for today:
The weather was a bit like yesterday: something of everything! I had very warm (-8C) temperature to start, then, clear skies and cold tail wind, then virtual whiteout, even snow, no wind, and finally a strongish headwind, with real poor visibility... Hmm, it's not over yet! The terrain is good up here on the plateau, but the weather is very changeable....
I've decided (if I can try and manage the last 42km) that I'll do it in two steps: 27 km tomorrow and then, 'last wilderness sleep out', and then 15 km 'final strait' to the 'finish post' the following day... That'll be my 27th Dec.
For those runners out there, all I have left is ONE standard marathon! Gee, that feels good! But why does it take me so long? Haha, polar travel requires patience!
Still haven't seen anyone else yet! Just white, and more white...
I can feel the 'end of expedition' mind creeping in: I'm find it difficult to find 'the zone' as my mind races to the finish, meeting Ruth, decisions on kiting, etc. I try and force it back into the minutes of the current march, but it's quite challenging. The mind is a VERY complex and challenging piece of us, hey! The source of all our thoughts, quite simple yet incredible!
That's it for today, enjoy your Monday holiday too...
H
Anybody out there? All at Christmas celebrations......?
A MERRY CHRISTMAS from just near the South Pole, TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!
Inching south to the end goal, just under 23 minutes of latitude left...42km!
Elevation: 2802 metres. Into the final 2800s, the plateau does have a few unexpected 'inclines'...
So it's Christmas day is it? No Santa, no decorations, no public holiday, in fact, just the same as yesterday! No, well, I did give myself a present: Only 8 hours march today, and had two luxurious relaxing hours doing 'nothing'... Sheer bliss!
I say doing "nothing", but what I did was so overwhelming it brought tears to my eyes: Firstly, I got nice and comfortable in my tent 'armchair' (yes, I have one, an indispensable item!) put my Father Christmas hat on, and then downloaded the past 3-4 days of your comments that Dominique kindly sent through on her Christmas day.... Well, guys, as I say I was overwhelmed, so much so I shouted out with joy: "This is JUST bloody incredible...Very, very SPECIAL" From all over the world too.... I'm truly lucky, and can't say how the blog and level of interaction has taken 'Solo but NOT Alone' to a level I could never have dreamed....Thanks for being such a key part of my amazing experience!!
What was great was reading about your Christmas preparations / arrangements etc, it took me right into your world too.... Simon takes the 'Belonging' prize with his 28 'people' dinner! Patrick and Brigetta take the 'most spiritual turkey' award, and Sandy gets the prize for the 'least whitest Christmas', because you SHOULD always have snow there where you are!
Please could I ask: If you comment, but aren't on the email list, could you please 'sign up', as I do want to get back to you all individually once I get back to Punta Arenas, and can really savor reliving the whole thing by reading it all in chronological order again. Thanks!
So for today:
The weather was a bit like yesterday: something of everything! I had very warm (-8C) temperature to start, then, clear skies and cold tail wind, then virtual whiteout, even snow, no wind, and finally a strongish headwind, with real poor visibility... Hmm, it's not over yet! The terrain is good up here on the plateau, but the weather is very changeable....
I've decided (if I can try and manage the last 42km) that I'll do it in two steps: 27 km tomorrow and then, 'last wilderness sleep out', and then 15 km 'final strait' to the 'finish post' the following day... That'll be my 27th Dec.
For those runners out there, all I have left is ONE standard marathon! Gee, that feels good! But why does it take me so long? Haha, polar travel requires patience!
Still haven't seen anyone else yet! Just white, and more white...
I can feel the 'end of expedition' mind creeping in: I'm find it difficult to find 'the zone' as my mind races to the finish, meeting Ruth, decisions on kiting, etc. I try and force it back into the minutes of the current march, but it's quite challenging. The mind is a VERY complex and challenging piece of us, hey! The source of all our thoughts, quite simple yet incredible!
That's it for today, enjoy your Monday holiday too...
H
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Day 33: An important day... I can now 'feel' the POLE!
89:22.372S 81:26.753W
Not far now: just under 70km to go now... After a big day today.
Elevation: 2 770 metres.
I needed today to go the way it did as yesterday I felt I was close, but not close enough, and the uncertainty of the duration of the storm was a concern. Well I woke to a ski-able day, but the wind and whiteout only 'left' about 4am, so it was grey and not totally convincing that it had gone 'for good'. Excitedly I left without debate, and soon I was in strong tailwind conditions, sun out, and blue sky ahead but dense grey cloud behind, so I just looked ahead! It was so warm with the tailwind, for the first time on this expedition I could remove my head and face gear... Quite a strange feeling! I also took my ski goggles off, as they were fogging up in the warmth, and replaced them with sunglasses, so almost looked like a tourist! Within hours things changed as the cloud caught up with me, and visibility dropped to almost zero, but with the 5hr mark (half day) showing 19.5km, there was no ways I was not having a 'big day' today... It also looked temporary so I hung in for two hours before things improved. Wind went more side-on, and things got much colder. It was a great skiing surface, and with my light sled the pace was good. I topped 3.95km for one hour stretch. It was very enjoyable at times, like somedays when you just have a great run or cycle etc, I had a few hours today like that. And for the first time I had no foot pain at all... Hmmm!
Anyway it's getting real close now, and I even spent a few hours today reminiscing about the whole experience, how amazing it's been, and how much I have grown as far as being self sufficient on the ice. I went back to the airplane drop off and how apprehensive I was. The power of the adventure journey.... Hey, but it's not over yet! Probably 27th now, but not tempting fate!
I'm really knackered tonight, so will end here, but to say:
Happy Christmas to all of you who celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful day! I'll be having my Christmas 'feast' tomorrow night!
Bye
Not far now: just under 70km to go now... After a big day today.
Elevation: 2 770 metres.
I needed today to go the way it did as yesterday I felt I was close, but not close enough, and the uncertainty of the duration of the storm was a concern. Well I woke to a ski-able day, but the wind and whiteout only 'left' about 4am, so it was grey and not totally convincing that it had gone 'for good'. Excitedly I left without debate, and soon I was in strong tailwind conditions, sun out, and blue sky ahead but dense grey cloud behind, so I just looked ahead! It was so warm with the tailwind, for the first time on this expedition I could remove my head and face gear... Quite a strange feeling! I also took my ski goggles off, as they were fogging up in the warmth, and replaced them with sunglasses, so almost looked like a tourist! Within hours things changed as the cloud caught up with me, and visibility dropped to almost zero, but with the 5hr mark (half day) showing 19.5km, there was no ways I was not having a 'big day' today... It also looked temporary so I hung in for two hours before things improved. Wind went more side-on, and things got much colder. It was a great skiing surface, and with my light sled the pace was good. I topped 3.95km for one hour stretch. It was very enjoyable at times, like somedays when you just have a great run or cycle etc, I had a few hours today like that. And for the first time I had no foot pain at all... Hmmm!
Anyway it's getting real close now, and I even spent a few hours today reminiscing about the whole experience, how amazing it's been, and how much I have grown as far as being self sufficient on the ice. I went back to the airplane drop off and how apprehensive I was. The power of the adventure journey.... Hey, but it's not over yet! Probably 27th now, but not tempting fate!
I'm really knackered tonight, so will end here, but to say:
Happy Christmas to all of you who celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful day! I'll be having my Christmas 'feast' tomorrow night!
Bye
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Day 32: Mother Nature decides my pace... Storm again!
89:02.473S 81:28.666W
Crossed the 89th parallel at 11h15 today, going like a rocket and now into the final straight. It felt pretty special to be at this 'strange' position on the bottom of the world... It sounds probably 'stupid' but I did have this sense that its curvature / shape is different as it's so close to the Pole... I'm not going mad... Just letting the thoughts out freely
Elevation: 2736 metres. I'm definitely on the South Pole plateau, hey! It's just so different in skiing surface too...
"You say like a rocket: Ok, so why haven't you moved much on 'the map' then...?"
Oh well, another dreaded northerly storm put an end to what I'd hoped would be another 34 or so kilometre day. I should learn my lessons: 1st one: never tell you guys what a beautiful evening it is. And secondly: don't try to predict my arrival day! Mother Nature doesn't like me to think I'm in control...
At the start today there was a light following Northerly wind, which gradually strengthened bringing with it total cloud and virtually zero visibility conditions. I saw it all happening but somehow wanted to deny the day was going to be cut short. I skied through for a bit, but found I was disorientated to the point I was zig-zagging like a drunken. It was quite amazing how suddenly my mindset switched to thinking how nice it would be to spend another 'day' (?) in the luxury of my cosy little tent on the ice on my own! There REALLY is something special about that... Wind howling outside and 'us' being made into a sastrugi again, probably the only one around here this time! I just wish I had more food stocks, and that long gone whisky... I'd need nothing more... Well for this 'prison'!! Food is a bit tight, but will be OK, provided I'm not stuck here for more than a day more. I've got this strange conflict: I want to enjoy this time in the tent out here in nothingness, but also want to get to the Pole. I REALLY do know I'll miss the specialness of being and doing EXACTLY what I'm doing RIGHT now, and again, the reality of the situation does provide a 'wakeup jolt': I'm in this minute tent, in this vast wilderness, inhospitable weather outside, a few layers of thin fabric separating the two environments, and I'm insignificant as far as this world is concerned... Hmmm, that's maybe what makes up a large part of the specialness...
I'm hoping the 2-4 days waiting for Ruth at the Pole will be almost as pleasurable, but it will be closer to 'your guys' life: there'll be people around, and I'll have a boredom distracter: My Kindle. So I can read! It's waiting for me at the Pole, together with 'a few other' indulgences. Yeah, I've also been contaminated, and am a bit normal! But hey, I have to get there first... Focus!
I spoke about the ice occasionally rumbling as 'we' cross over it, well today I had a real big one: it was as if a whole ice building was collapsing underneath 'us'. The noise like a pack of structures falling went on for seconds, and I was fully expecting to see cracks all around, but nope, nothing, it's all under the surface. Maybe it's not as serious as it sounds, but from the sound of things there must be a significant cavity somewhere below. I did imagine skiing along and we sort of 'detonate' a large area of collapse that just consumes me, the sled and nothing more heard! I guess the fact this isn't supposed to be a crevasse area; I've never seen surface cracks when this happens; and it hasn't happened to others before me, allows me to pushing it off the fear list.
As I write this and think that tomorrow is Christmas eve for you guys (yes, me too, but it's quite different for me) I think how busy your lives must be, and it must be so obvious from this and other emails how minutely micro my world is... Strange, hey, and yet I'm not missing busy-ness, and all that goes with that... Doesn't mean to say that if my world was in amongst all that I wouldn't be enjoying it... But let me say: I'm not missing it... Maybe I'm a bloody weirdo...? Maybe it's because I know I can't have it, but the nice thing is, I must be somehow 'balanced' out here because I feel content... But life IS very SIMPLE!
I'm not sure how long this storm will last, but I know I'm not in charge, so all I can do is have a flexible plan for what WILL happen: Unless the sun appears and wakes me earlier, I'll wake up as usual at 6am, and see what things look like. The remotest chance of being able to see to ski, and I'll cook breakfast and headout asap. If it's still 'inhospitable' I'll give breakfast a miss, go back to bed for a few hours and check again... And repeat until I can go..... So if it goes on a while you may get a surprise email and maybe even another photo or two....
Now back to the philosophical thread: Belonging and ID in the context of managing one's life for maximum Freedom. (And by the way, that's a big assumption of mine, that most people want MORE freedom? I'd like your views on this? Would you like more freedom in your life? Honestly now? 100% Freedom being the ability to Act, Speak, and Think without ANY restraint, and we all live somewhere 'back' from that maximum reference. Where do you fit on the scale?)
Belonging then: This is simply being a part of one or more human being group - essentially a relationship of mutual need and acceptance. The most fundamental and intimate being the relationship with 'oneself', belonging within one's own skin, to the least intimate, just belonging as a citizen of the world. Inbetween those two we all have a range of belonging situations. As I'm always reminded: The human being is a social creature, so belonging is a fundamental human need. Yeah, accepted, but is there a limit to 'healthy' belonging? Too much belonging can reduce one's freedom, by the need to constantly meet the demands / expectations of the 'group' to continue to be accepted.
I sense in this complex world we now live in the NEED to belong is at an all time high, probably because of the breakdown in family / society fundamentals, and a complex world confusing people.... Strong statement, but JUST my views. To me this is borne out by the power of brands, fashions, the narrowness of what's cool, the draw of celebrities, the unbalanced popularity and hero status of 'ordinary celebrities', the following of highly marketed professional sports teams, Facebook's easy virtual friends, etc, etc, etc.. 'People' seem so desperate to belong to 'something'... In my humble opinion, this extraordinary need to belong comes from 'people' not knowing who they really are, so using these icons as their ID associators / references.
Then there is the other dimension of belonging: We all need money to live, and because of the power of the capitalist hegemony, money is almost, if not, central to society today. Belonging to groups / individuals who can lead one to money, whether that be just your boss at work, your breadwinner husband / wife or your business network connections, the 'better' you belong to the easy path to monetary freedom. So if that is the case, it would seem possible that 'people' will do anything just to belong to get the reward. In the process 'they' modify who they are so as to be accepted in these groups... Cynical, maybe, but partially true to.....?
The society 'we' live in today is a classic hegemony, and it's so clear what defines success and what you have to do to get there...There are messages about this in every newspaper, TV, movies, etc, etc. There is a societal pressure that keeps people on a materialism 'rat race', that fuels the hegemony, and destines most to a life of subsistence work: working to sustain an ever-increasing 'standard of living', so 'we' can fit in (belong) better in society...
You, or I, or our friends may be exceptions to this world... But I think it takes a strong and courageous personality, and a different 'life approach'.
So, all this leads to a huge NEED to belong, and in the process one probably forgoes a lot of Freedom!
I got to the point in 2004 where I could no longer belong within the hegemony's values, and so turned my back on 'that society' to go and explore 'something better'... A daunting adventure in hindsight! Where does one start looking for a 'new world'? I chose adventure as the medium and Nature as my teacher! I sensed cutting myself from virtually all belonging, and material needs, grabbing the associated freedom, and then putting myself naked in front of Nature, through solo sailing, cycling, polar stuff, etc, in the world's wilderness', I'd learn REAL 'stuff'....
Well, surprise, surprise, just like now in my tent, with the wind still howling outside, the simpler life became, and the more naked I got, the more I developed a REAL relationship with myself. I began to belong in the most primary place possible, within myself! I joke with many about the concept of 'Romantic dinners for One', but the ability to not only do that, but ENJOY the occasion, I believe is a test of strong internal belonging!
On my adventure, and exploring for another 'life world', I sense at some point around 2006, I experienced the lowest level of external belonging in my life. I was a solo sailor / adventurer, wandering without a home, other than my yacht, no country of residence, and just free. I'd left the hegemony world.
So right, where is all this going?
Well, what I experienced was that as I belonged more within, my 'desperate' need to belong with 'many and everyone' diminished, and the more I simplified my life, the 'richer' I became! Now I don't want this coming across as me being a social recluse, or I don't need friends, hopefully you can see from my communications I love interaction with others. It needs to be real belonging relationships, where we can truly be free infront of each other... Be ourselves, the one who we know deep within. Anything short of that, and my freedom may be compromised!
So in this whole exploring process, I found another life, one where I largely managed to retain my hard won freedom, while having a new more grounded and less demanding basis for belonging. I'm only sharing with you my experiences, not trying to TELL you what's right or wrong. How could I? Life is coomplex and individaul. Please comment as you see fit, from your heart....
Gee, guys I hope there is something in all this which is remotely of interest / value to you, but it's been very special writing this to you from my little house on the ice, in the middle of a storm... I almost sense I was given this storm break, to send this 'story' off to you...
I often get told: "Oh you can only do all this with wealth, so it's for an exclusive few." If time permits, I'd like to share next time my views on this, and why that isn't true!
I do hope I can continue towards the Pole tomorrow. Still 105 km.
Cheers for now...
H
Crossed the 89th parallel at 11h15 today, going like a rocket and now into the final straight. It felt pretty special to be at this 'strange' position on the bottom of the world... It sounds probably 'stupid' but I did have this sense that its curvature / shape is different as it's so close to the Pole... I'm not going mad... Just letting the thoughts out freely
Elevation: 2736 metres. I'm definitely on the South Pole plateau, hey! It's just so different in skiing surface too...
"You say like a rocket: Ok, so why haven't you moved much on 'the map' then...?"
Oh well, another dreaded northerly storm put an end to what I'd hoped would be another 34 or so kilometre day. I should learn my lessons: 1st one: never tell you guys what a beautiful evening it is. And secondly: don't try to predict my arrival day! Mother Nature doesn't like me to think I'm in control...
At the start today there was a light following Northerly wind, which gradually strengthened bringing with it total cloud and virtually zero visibility conditions. I saw it all happening but somehow wanted to deny the day was going to be cut short. I skied through for a bit, but found I was disorientated to the point I was zig-zagging like a drunken. It was quite amazing how suddenly my mindset switched to thinking how nice it would be to spend another 'day' (?) in the luxury of my cosy little tent on the ice on my own! There REALLY is something special about that... Wind howling outside and 'us' being made into a sastrugi again, probably the only one around here this time! I just wish I had more food stocks, and that long gone whisky... I'd need nothing more... Well for this 'prison'!! Food is a bit tight, but will be OK, provided I'm not stuck here for more than a day more. I've got this strange conflict: I want to enjoy this time in the tent out here in nothingness, but also want to get to the Pole. I REALLY do know I'll miss the specialness of being and doing EXACTLY what I'm doing RIGHT now, and again, the reality of the situation does provide a 'wakeup jolt': I'm in this minute tent, in this vast wilderness, inhospitable weather outside, a few layers of thin fabric separating the two environments, and I'm insignificant as far as this world is concerned... Hmmm, that's maybe what makes up a large part of the specialness...
I'm hoping the 2-4 days waiting for Ruth at the Pole will be almost as pleasurable, but it will be closer to 'your guys' life: there'll be people around, and I'll have a boredom distracter: My Kindle. So I can read! It's waiting for me at the Pole, together with 'a few other' indulgences. Yeah, I've also been contaminated, and am a bit normal! But hey, I have to get there first... Focus!
I spoke about the ice occasionally rumbling as 'we' cross over it, well today I had a real big one: it was as if a whole ice building was collapsing underneath 'us'. The noise like a pack of structures falling went on for seconds, and I was fully expecting to see cracks all around, but nope, nothing, it's all under the surface. Maybe it's not as serious as it sounds, but from the sound of things there must be a significant cavity somewhere below. I did imagine skiing along and we sort of 'detonate' a large area of collapse that just consumes me, the sled and nothing more heard! I guess the fact this isn't supposed to be a crevasse area; I've never seen surface cracks when this happens; and it hasn't happened to others before me, allows me to pushing it off the fear list.
As I write this and think that tomorrow is Christmas eve for you guys (yes, me too, but it's quite different for me) I think how busy your lives must be, and it must be so obvious from this and other emails how minutely micro my world is... Strange, hey, and yet I'm not missing busy-ness, and all that goes with that... Doesn't mean to say that if my world was in amongst all that I wouldn't be enjoying it... But let me say: I'm not missing it... Maybe I'm a bloody weirdo...? Maybe it's because I know I can't have it, but the nice thing is, I must be somehow 'balanced' out here because I feel content... But life IS very SIMPLE!
I'm not sure how long this storm will last, but I know I'm not in charge, so all I can do is have a flexible plan for what WILL happen: Unless the sun appears and wakes me earlier, I'll wake up as usual at 6am, and see what things look like. The remotest chance of being able to see to ski, and I'll cook breakfast and headout asap. If it's still 'inhospitable' I'll give breakfast a miss, go back to bed for a few hours and check again... And repeat until I can go..... So if it goes on a while you may get a surprise email and maybe even another photo or two....
Now back to the philosophical thread: Belonging and ID in the context of managing one's life for maximum Freedom. (And by the way, that's a big assumption of mine, that most people want MORE freedom? I'd like your views on this? Would you like more freedom in your life? Honestly now? 100% Freedom being the ability to Act, Speak, and Think without ANY restraint, and we all live somewhere 'back' from that maximum reference. Where do you fit on the scale?)
Belonging then: This is simply being a part of one or more human being group - essentially a relationship of mutual need and acceptance. The most fundamental and intimate being the relationship with 'oneself', belonging within one's own skin, to the least intimate, just belonging as a citizen of the world. Inbetween those two we all have a range of belonging situations. As I'm always reminded: The human being is a social creature, so belonging is a fundamental human need. Yeah, accepted, but is there a limit to 'healthy' belonging? Too much belonging can reduce one's freedom, by the need to constantly meet the demands / expectations of the 'group' to continue to be accepted.
I sense in this complex world we now live in the NEED to belong is at an all time high, probably because of the breakdown in family / society fundamentals, and a complex world confusing people.... Strong statement, but JUST my views. To me this is borne out by the power of brands, fashions, the narrowness of what's cool, the draw of celebrities, the unbalanced popularity and hero status of 'ordinary celebrities', the following of highly marketed professional sports teams, Facebook's easy virtual friends, etc, etc, etc.. 'People' seem so desperate to belong to 'something'... In my humble opinion, this extraordinary need to belong comes from 'people' not knowing who they really are, so using these icons as their ID associators / references.
Then there is the other dimension of belonging: We all need money to live, and because of the power of the capitalist hegemony, money is almost, if not, central to society today. Belonging to groups / individuals who can lead one to money, whether that be just your boss at work, your breadwinner husband / wife or your business network connections, the 'better' you belong to the easy path to monetary freedom. So if that is the case, it would seem possible that 'people' will do anything just to belong to get the reward. In the process 'they' modify who they are so as to be accepted in these groups... Cynical, maybe, but partially true to.....?
The society 'we' live in today is a classic hegemony, and it's so clear what defines success and what you have to do to get there...There are messages about this in every newspaper, TV, movies, etc, etc. There is a societal pressure that keeps people on a materialism 'rat race', that fuels the hegemony, and destines most to a life of subsistence work: working to sustain an ever-increasing 'standard of living', so 'we' can fit in (belong) better in society...
You, or I, or our friends may be exceptions to this world... But I think it takes a strong and courageous personality, and a different 'life approach'.
So, all this leads to a huge NEED to belong, and in the process one probably forgoes a lot of Freedom!
I got to the point in 2004 where I could no longer belong within the hegemony's values, and so turned my back on 'that society' to go and explore 'something better'... A daunting adventure in hindsight! Where does one start looking for a 'new world'? I chose adventure as the medium and Nature as my teacher! I sensed cutting myself from virtually all belonging, and material needs, grabbing the associated freedom, and then putting myself naked in front of Nature, through solo sailing, cycling, polar stuff, etc, in the world's wilderness', I'd learn REAL 'stuff'....
Well, surprise, surprise, just like now in my tent, with the wind still howling outside, the simpler life became, and the more naked I got, the more I developed a REAL relationship with myself. I began to belong in the most primary place possible, within myself! I joke with many about the concept of 'Romantic dinners for One', but the ability to not only do that, but ENJOY the occasion, I believe is a test of strong internal belonging!
On my adventure, and exploring for another 'life world', I sense at some point around 2006, I experienced the lowest level of external belonging in my life. I was a solo sailor / adventurer, wandering without a home, other than my yacht, no country of residence, and just free. I'd left the hegemony world.
So right, where is all this going?
Well, what I experienced was that as I belonged more within, my 'desperate' need to belong with 'many and everyone' diminished, and the more I simplified my life, the 'richer' I became! Now I don't want this coming across as me being a social recluse, or I don't need friends, hopefully you can see from my communications I love interaction with others. It needs to be real belonging relationships, where we can truly be free infront of each other... Be ourselves, the one who we know deep within. Anything short of that, and my freedom may be compromised!
So in this whole exploring process, I found another life, one where I largely managed to retain my hard won freedom, while having a new more grounded and less demanding basis for belonging. I'm only sharing with you my experiences, not trying to TELL you what's right or wrong. How could I? Life is coomplex and individaul. Please comment as you see fit, from your heart....
Gee, guys I hope there is something in all this which is remotely of interest / value to you, but it's been very special writing this to you from my little house on the ice, in the middle of a storm... I almost sense I was given this storm break, to send this 'story' off to you...
I often get told: "Oh you can only do all this with wealth, so it's for an exclusive few." If time permits, I'd like to share next time my views on this, and why that isn't true!
I do hope I can continue towards the Pole tomorrow. Still 105 km.
Cheers for now...
H
Friday, December 23, 2011
Day 31: Closer and close, but not easier!
88:54.872S 81:31.549W
Last day in the 88s, I'll cross the emotional 89th parallel tomorrow morning.... Gee, that's good news!
Elevation: 2 743m: Hey, a day where I did nett downhill... Only 2 metres though! I'm definitely on the plateau, it's flat, the ice is different, and hey, zero sastrugi!
A long 11.2 hours out there today, 10 hours skiing delivered 34.5 km, so happy boy again... Light sled and the flat terrain, this is what I imagined at this point in the journey. Those kilometres don't come easy though. It's focus, and relentless pushing! My foot problem comes and goes, but largely ok during the day, but at the end of the day today, while just getting started with the tent, my foot protested at the day's demands, and exploded into excruciating pain. So bad, I couldn't walk, and had to resort to painkillers. Gee, I wish I knew what the problem was... I've tried eveything. At least be thankful the day's skiing was largely pain free. I hope tomorrow goes ok, too! I do feel I'm really punishing my body at the moment... Keep telling it there's only a few more days then there is good rest. (Ruth's expedition had another setback: Chris fell and broke his wrist and did some knee damage. They have been waiting for a few days for him to be evacuated by plane. So they will be at least 3 days after me at the Pole.)
I'm mentally as well as physically exhausted, and will wait to see what my mind and body say to kiting back...The solo expedition was always going to be the 'main show' by far. And that it certainly has been, thanks also to 'you guys'.
I'm not there yet, and in many ways I'm entering the most challenging part: trying to keep a lid on emotions, and not focusing on the finish, but that's really hard. I only have food for four more days, so it has to happen by 26th!
While the terrain is great for skiing distance, it has got really boring, epitomising nothingness... I was about to say I miss the sastrugi! Humans, hey, never happy! The thing that isn't boring is the big sky and the amazing cloud formations, truly unique and impressive.
I've been going for the equivalent of a month now. Haven't seen the moon, the stars, the sea, a green leaf, shrub or tree, a sunrise or sunset, and most importantly: Another human being!
I wonder when I'll meet my 'first one'. It'll be quite strange! They fly people to 89 degrees to ski 'the last degree' to the Pole, so maybe tomorrow or sooner than the Pole itself! I'd better look respectable, not very at the moment!
It's a truly beautiful 'evening' out here 'tonight' (11pm), really warm and not a breath of wind... Gee, these are special times, when it's like this. Just decided to make another cup of tea, to enjoy before I tackle my serious 'tailor job': It is VERY serious: my zip on my windsuit fly came off, and then the fabric from the bottom of the zip down to the crutch has torn. Too much urgent wear! If I don't fix it, I risk the most serious 'digit' frostbite of all! Not funny, haha!
So, once again I'll postpone the philosophy section, for more important duties. Not forgotten though!
119 kms to go, the 26th is looking good!
Keep with me over Christmas, please!
H
Last day in the 88s, I'll cross the emotional 89th parallel tomorrow morning.... Gee, that's good news!
Elevation: 2 743m: Hey, a day where I did nett downhill... Only 2 metres though! I'm definitely on the plateau, it's flat, the ice is different, and hey, zero sastrugi!
A long 11.2 hours out there today, 10 hours skiing delivered 34.5 km, so happy boy again... Light sled and the flat terrain, this is what I imagined at this point in the journey. Those kilometres don't come easy though. It's focus, and relentless pushing! My foot problem comes and goes, but largely ok during the day, but at the end of the day today, while just getting started with the tent, my foot protested at the day's demands, and exploded into excruciating pain. So bad, I couldn't walk, and had to resort to painkillers. Gee, I wish I knew what the problem was... I've tried eveything. At least be thankful the day's skiing was largely pain free. I hope tomorrow goes ok, too! I do feel I'm really punishing my body at the moment... Keep telling it there's only a few more days then there is good rest. (Ruth's expedition had another setback: Chris fell and broke his wrist and did some knee damage. They have been waiting for a few days for him to be evacuated by plane. So they will be at least 3 days after me at the Pole.)
I'm mentally as well as physically exhausted, and will wait to see what my mind and body say to kiting back...The solo expedition was always going to be the 'main show' by far. And that it certainly has been, thanks also to 'you guys'.
I'm not there yet, and in many ways I'm entering the most challenging part: trying to keep a lid on emotions, and not focusing on the finish, but that's really hard. I only have food for four more days, so it has to happen by 26th!
While the terrain is great for skiing distance, it has got really boring, epitomising nothingness... I was about to say I miss the sastrugi! Humans, hey, never happy! The thing that isn't boring is the big sky and the amazing cloud formations, truly unique and impressive.
I've been going for the equivalent of a month now. Haven't seen the moon, the stars, the sea, a green leaf, shrub or tree, a sunrise or sunset, and most importantly: Another human being!
I wonder when I'll meet my 'first one'. It'll be quite strange! They fly people to 89 degrees to ski 'the last degree' to the Pole, so maybe tomorrow or sooner than the Pole itself! I'd better look respectable, not very at the moment!
It's a truly beautiful 'evening' out here 'tonight' (11pm), really warm and not a breath of wind... Gee, these are special times, when it's like this. Just decided to make another cup of tea, to enjoy before I tackle my serious 'tailor job': It is VERY serious: my zip on my windsuit fly came off, and then the fabric from the bottom of the zip down to the crutch has torn. Too much urgent wear! If I don't fix it, I risk the most serious 'digit' frostbite of all! Not funny, haha!
So, once again I'll postpone the philosophy section, for more important duties. Not forgotten though!
119 kms to go, the 26th is looking good!
Keep with me over Christmas, please!
H
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Day 30: Let free, and a great day's skiing!
88:36.330S 81:21.681W
Elevation: 2 745 metres... Really not much more now!
Well, around 3am this morning the change to the warmth and brightness of the sun woke me, and I knew I'd been set free... A quick peek outside confirmed the storm had passed and I'd be back on the road again! I was so excited, I almost got up straight away and got the day going. Pragmatism took over, as my routines would all be messed up, but I did decide to get up an hour earlier than normal, TO GO!
The storm had definitely left its mark: the windward end of the tent was heavily buried in snow, and some tent pegs were quite a challenge to locate! It was pretty warm, and the wind had switched back to a light SE, so all good signs that things were returning to normal.
Well, the rest of the day went like clockwork: With the fresh layer of snow, there was no debate about using skis, and I was focused, badly needing a 30+ km day! The snow made the surface a touch sticky, not the fastest I've had, but nice and forgiving, so I could push the pace. 1st hour, the GPS showed 3.8km, and 'we' were cooking! No sastrugi in sight, in fact I don't think I saw one of any significant size the whole day... Hopefully this is what 'the plateau' is all about. 11 hours later and 100 skiing hours I'd done 35km! Hey, did the boy feel happy! Just the performance deserving of a whisky! Please have one for me...
The whole terrain was different today, lots of beautiful wind-formed patterns on the ice - gentle, artistic ones, from waves, to small mountain ranges, to minature dunes, none more than a couple of cm high. I stopped quite a few times to take photos of the most interesting patterns.
It is amazing how this Antarctica changes along the way. I'd love to know why there is dense huge sastrugi some places, and yet right next door nothing? It's not just the wind, I think it's ice flow related as well.
Many times today as 'we' were skiing along, suddenly there would be a loud, moving ice-shattering noise coming from right under the sled. Scary at first, but then I got used to it. Seemed like it was a 'resettling' of the ice underneath as 'we' catalysed the process.
Not much else to report. It was just a focused, production day!
Only 154 kilometres to the Pole now! I'm hoping for 26th arrival. Pity about not being there for Christmas, but so be it! I'll have a Christmas similar to 2007, when I was in the middle of the North Atlantic, just me and my yacht... Very special in a strange way! I'm not a big traditionalist in this domain... Had too many when I was living with my parents!
Hey I hope your run up to Christmas is going well... For those going away: Travel safely!
No philosophy today: A rest day! Not sure for whom?? I'll touch on 'Belonging' and 'Identity' before the Pole, so maybe think about these terms as you go about your shopping and wait in the 'mindless' queue!
Hoping for a good recovery tonight and another big kilometre day tomorrow!
Cheers
Elevation: 2 745 metres... Really not much more now!
Well, around 3am this morning the change to the warmth and brightness of the sun woke me, and I knew I'd been set free... A quick peek outside confirmed the storm had passed and I'd be back on the road again! I was so excited, I almost got up straight away and got the day going. Pragmatism took over, as my routines would all be messed up, but I did decide to get up an hour earlier than normal, TO GO!
The storm had definitely left its mark: the windward end of the tent was heavily buried in snow, and some tent pegs were quite a challenge to locate! It was pretty warm, and the wind had switched back to a light SE, so all good signs that things were returning to normal.
Well, the rest of the day went like clockwork: With the fresh layer of snow, there was no debate about using skis, and I was focused, badly needing a 30+ km day! The snow made the surface a touch sticky, not the fastest I've had, but nice and forgiving, so I could push the pace. 1st hour, the GPS showed 3.8km, and 'we' were cooking! No sastrugi in sight, in fact I don't think I saw one of any significant size the whole day... Hopefully this is what 'the plateau' is all about. 11 hours later and 100 skiing hours I'd done 35km! Hey, did the boy feel happy! Just the performance deserving of a whisky! Please have one for me...
The whole terrain was different today, lots of beautiful wind-formed patterns on the ice - gentle, artistic ones, from waves, to small mountain ranges, to minature dunes, none more than a couple of cm high. I stopped quite a few times to take photos of the most interesting patterns.
It is amazing how this Antarctica changes along the way. I'd love to know why there is dense huge sastrugi some places, and yet right next door nothing? It's not just the wind, I think it's ice flow related as well.
Many times today as 'we' were skiing along, suddenly there would be a loud, moving ice-shattering noise coming from right under the sled. Scary at first, but then I got used to it. Seemed like it was a 'resettling' of the ice underneath as 'we' catalysed the process.
Not much else to report. It was just a focused, production day!
Only 154 kilometres to the Pole now! I'm hoping for 26th arrival. Pity about not being there for Christmas, but so be it! I'll have a Christmas similar to 2007, when I was in the middle of the North Atlantic, just me and my yacht... Very special in a strange way! I'm not a big traditionalist in this domain... Had too many when I was living with my parents!
Hey I hope your run up to Christmas is going well... For those going away: Travel safely!
No philosophy today: A rest day! Not sure for whom?? I'll touch on 'Belonging' and 'Identity' before the Pole, so maybe think about these terms as you go about your shopping and wait in the 'mindless' queue!
Hoping for a good recovery tonight and another big kilometre day tomorrow!
Cheers
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 29: I didn't need this one: Tent bound... Whiteout. No visibility, snowing and windy
 |
| File pic: Howard's tent on the ice while training in New Zealand |
Just 7km traveled today....
Elevation: 2 678. What a coincidence - exactly the same as yesterday. Well I guess I haven't moved far, but still! Maybe a lucky sign!
Gee, that 'prison' I spoke about yesterday got decidedly smaller today! What a difference a day makes: It was REALLY a perfect evening, but early hours of the morning that all started to change with my first real strongish , northerly tailwind. It was quite strange having the tent facing the 'wrong' way and the wind hitting the entrance and cooking vestibule. It made for much colder tent life. So from being worried about the night being too hot, I was suddenly scrambling for all zippers to close all gaps, including my sleeping bag! The unpredictability of the adventure, in 'your' world you would have know about the exact time of the weather change days in advance! Information, hey, good or bad? Neither, I guess, just different prison rooms have different stimulations!
Even with all this change, and the possibility of bad traversing terrain again, I woke up feeling unusually unperturbed about the details, but knowing somehow "all will be good today."
There had been a dusting of snow, so it wasn't a debate about skis or walking. Skis on, and I was moving 10 min earlier than usual. The terrain (and my mind) were amazing, I was at one with the conditions and soon gliding along at high speeds. This fuelled such a positive 'zone', once again I felt invincible and the Pole seemed well within reach. I did warn myself that a lot can change in 10 hours, and I did notice that I was skiing towards a dark grey clouded horizon. The 1hr navigation check showed a very satisfying 3.6 km, and above all I was reveling in the flat ski friendly terrain.
Well in the next hour visibility went to zero and the all-too-familiar three-dimensional dull white room encapsulated me, with a loss of spatial orientation. On top of that it started lightly snowing! Gee, I was disappointed, as I was so in the groove I even surprised myself with how well I was going with minimal visibility. But zero was time to stop! As it had deteriorated I'd thought of my options, and reluctantly opted for the only one: Set up tent, and wait for things to improve.... It would be a waste struggling out there, using a huge amount of energy (food!) fighting the cold, slipping and falling not going very far.
So that's where I am... Snuggled up in my tent, with the wind roaring by, snow rasping against the tent sporadically, and no place to go...
This time it's not like the indulgence of the rest day... It feels very different: I'm frustrated, as I REALLY want to be moving closer to my goal, and having been here for 6 hours already, with ABSOLUTELY no change in the weather, thoughts of being stuck here 'for days' are not very attractive, to put it mildly. With just 8 days of food, I can't be wasting it sitting in my tent, so it's about tea, and left-over nuts rather than excessive gluttony. Inside the tent is probably the coldest it's been, even though just before coming inside the thermometer said -23C. It's probably the wind forcing itself into every little crack. Oh well, nothing a hot cup of tea and a warm sleeping bag can't solve....
This is a challenging time, but I keep on stoking the positive fires, and look to the time when I'll be set free, and be fast skiing to the Pole again... 30 km/d and 6 days I'm there! Please Mr Prison Warder let me out soon, I've learnt the lesson you wanted to teach me, so why can't I go free....?
I hope you 'enjoyed' yesterday's thoughts on Freedom, etc. I always worry that in short, limited-interaction, mass communications, messages are missed, or intent wrongly assumed. And lastly, I'm very aware that nothing comes for 'free' (excuse the pun!) there is a cost to Freedom: It's largely in the 'Belonging' area, but interestingly I've found that the more I grow through experiencing freedom and the micro prisons adventure, the less 'desperate' I am to belong JUST to belong, and not feel alone or lonely. So for me, alongside Freedom, belonging and how we manage it is the second prong of an amazing tripod of life. The 3rd leg being 'Who we are, our REAL identity vs who we project who we are. These extreme adventures, naked in front of Nature, like I am now, leave me no place to hide as to who I REALLY am - my fears, my insecurities, my courage, my beliefs, and relationships, all at a very soul level... And I'd love to share thoughts with many of you who have your own 'life system' that works for you in your life. All fascinating stuff...
Well, for me at least! Don't worry, I'll be back focused on looooong sled pulling days soon!
Enjoy your access to the pleasurable excesses of your seemingly boundaryless lives, from this perspective!
H
Day 28: Freedom, capitulation and prisons... A different day!
88:13.956S 81:30.713W
Yeah, a low distance day, just on my 'minimum acceptable'! Only 25 km done, but 'All OK' in today's capitulated paradigm.
Elevation: 2 678 metres, least climb ever. So why not better distance, you may ask? See below....
What a funny day....
As I said in yesterday's post, I knew I was caught in this 'can't ski easily, and can't walk easily' terrain position, and was needing to change my paradigm. The terrain largely remained the same so I was initially restless, constantly thinking of changing between walking and skiing, not a good place to be. After an initial -23C and moderate crosswind, it went warm and still, cloudless sky, and just a PERFECT day. A real day to be soaked up and enjoyed, and really appreciate the luxury of the pure mind space this ice nothingness can give. To enjoy the journey!
After seeing 3.1 km for the first hour, I sensed that new paradigm better be developed quickly, or else I was going to be one hellluva frustrated guy by the end of the day!
You may have noticed that I use the words "capitulation" and "prison" a lot? They are strong, motive words, and ones that lie on the other side of the line from Freedom. Freedom is something I value hugely, and find fascinating, and basically in 2004, when I left Sydney, the business world, and shed all my possessions, to start the 'Simply Adventure' life, it was largely about going to find myself and explore Freedom: how it works, what - if anything - defines the limits, and how I could find a life that had maximum freedom, but was also holistic and meaningful. I am pretty confident, and hopefully you don't see it as arrogant, in saying that over the 7 years, I pushed the limits, and went where few have gone, in terms of experiencing close to total freedom. Total freedom being the ability to act, speak, and think without restraint. I had perceived that 'we', all / most people have capitulated freedom, have accepted the constraints, restraints and perceived limitations in their life situation, and in doing so create a 'prison' where there no keys; the prison warders are non-negotiable, and so there is no way out, so one then capitulates to accept that IS life and one then makes the very best of it and the prison isn't even recognisable. In fact it becomes very cosy, a source of great social belonging, and meaningful purpose.
One even goes as far as being deluded into thinking that one has 'total' Freedom. That's what I call the capitulated freedom. Prison is a harsh word, because most of us find our 'prison' a pretty OK 'place' to live. By not fighting the restraints / constraints, one is not restless and searching for more freedom, but rather fully involved in making the 'Now' of the prison work and deliver contentment. I think Patrick, in one of his comments on the blog, referred to the Buddhist approach which says something along the lines that life IS suffering, and the sooner we accept that the more content and less expectant and disappointed we will be... In my view, that's supporting what I say above: life is like being in a 'suffering prison' - just capitulate and accept it, and it won't feel like a prison, you'll be free!
So, back to here on the ice in Antarctica... Am I in ultimate freedom, or a minute, solitary confinement cell of the worst degree? Well here on the ice it is quite a small 'prison' for me, even in the nothingness of Antarctica. I'm pretty much restricted in what I can do, choices, etc. Yes I can behave speak and think almost without constraint, but essentially it's a tight prison; one of every day involving 11 hours. Hard labour too!
The freedom comes in me voluntarily deciding to step in to explore the Solo to South Pole prison and to experience its restraints! To do this, I need to go through a serious capitulation process, before I can thin k it enjoy my prison. I have to accept that that's what life is, there are no outs, no warder with a key, I'm in for 35+ days, and that's non negotiable. Once I accept that I become pseudo free, and am on the path to contentment in my new life. That's why I felt so unneedy at the halfway point, in my restrained world I had everything!
Yesterday, the very slow terrain made my prison get even smaller, and so today I needed a new paradigm of capitulation to deal with its tighter constraints, or go mad! Some may think that this posting confirms: "I went mad!" On this blog, everyone has Freedom of opinion!
Well, the way I capitulated was to take away my 30 km/day goal, and to just accept whatever distance I do, but for me to get FULLY into the Now of being out here in this special place. And so that's what I did: appreciated the sastrugi, lots of photos, stopped often and took in with awe the 360 degree 'horizonless' space, and spent quality time articulating these freedom/prison capitulation thoughts.
In my book that is STILL 'work in progress', Freedom and these concepts are given very REAL practical support, as adventure by definition creates this extraordinary combination of freedom, and yet a necessary, daily micro prison.
In conclusion, I believe we all need 'prisons' because that's where significant things get done, relationships for me, and huge personal learning can take place. But how can one get Freedom as well? That, to me, is the holy grail of life, and I've tried to get the unlikely combination through the 'Simply Adventure' life philosophy which involves regular breakaways from true freedom into voluntary but highly constrained adventure 'prisons' like this 'stroll to the Pole'.
And finally, I guess I read many of your comments relating to my adventure 'inspiring' you to make some change, embark on your own South Pole.... Yes, that's making the decision not to be content with your 'prison' anymore, and to go explore a bigger and less constraining one, one that takes you closer to REAL freedom.... It needs courage, belief in yourself, and a vision / dream for more out of life... Not really a Buddhist approach, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong; your 'gut' will tell you what's right for YOU!
I can HONESTLY say each time I've made the sometimes hard and lonely decision to break out and seek a new, larger, less restraining prison, I've been rewarded with more freedom, but maybe more importantly, personal enlightenment and spiritual learning...
Many ask me if I ever regret walking away from life in Sydney to 'Simply Adventure', and my answer always remains:
Given what I now know about myself and have experienced in the last 7 years, I'd be 'violently angry' if either the 'dream thief' had come along and taken me off this planet before I could have experienced it, or I was still forced to be living a 'normal' life in Sydney, or wherever! That's just my perspective in the context of ME and all my baggage. How this all applies to you is for you to either instantly dump or work through for your life choices.
That's what day 28 produced...
Damn, if I had been more end goal focused, marched for 12+ hours, I'd only have 190 km to the Pole, instead of the 195km that I do have!
I hope you enjoyed the different day too...?
It's a beautiful, warm -12C outside, TOTAL silence, quite special... The tent will be warm for sleeping tonight.
Bye
Yeah, a low distance day, just on my 'minimum acceptable'! Only 25 km done, but 'All OK' in today's capitulated paradigm.
Elevation: 2 678 metres, least climb ever. So why not better distance, you may ask? See below....
What a funny day....
As I said in yesterday's post, I knew I was caught in this 'can't ski easily, and can't walk easily' terrain position, and was needing to change my paradigm. The terrain largely remained the same so I was initially restless, constantly thinking of changing between walking and skiing, not a good place to be. After an initial -23C and moderate crosswind, it went warm and still, cloudless sky, and just a PERFECT day. A real day to be soaked up and enjoyed, and really appreciate the luxury of the pure mind space this ice nothingness can give. To enjoy the journey!
After seeing 3.1 km for the first hour, I sensed that new paradigm better be developed quickly, or else I was going to be one hellluva frustrated guy by the end of the day!
You may have noticed that I use the words "capitulation" and "prison" a lot? They are strong, motive words, and ones that lie on the other side of the line from Freedom. Freedom is something I value hugely, and find fascinating, and basically in 2004, when I left Sydney, the business world, and shed all my possessions, to start the 'Simply Adventure' life, it was largely about going to find myself and explore Freedom: how it works, what - if anything - defines the limits, and how I could find a life that had maximum freedom, but was also holistic and meaningful. I am pretty confident, and hopefully you don't see it as arrogant, in saying that over the 7 years, I pushed the limits, and went where few have gone, in terms of experiencing close to total freedom. Total freedom being the ability to act, speak, and think without restraint. I had perceived that 'we', all / most people have capitulated freedom, have accepted the constraints, restraints and perceived limitations in their life situation, and in doing so create a 'prison' where there no keys; the prison warders are non-negotiable, and so there is no way out, so one then capitulates to accept that IS life and one then makes the very best of it and the prison isn't even recognisable. In fact it becomes very cosy, a source of great social belonging, and meaningful purpose.
One even goes as far as being deluded into thinking that one has 'total' Freedom. That's what I call the capitulated freedom. Prison is a harsh word, because most of us find our 'prison' a pretty OK 'place' to live. By not fighting the restraints / constraints, one is not restless and searching for more freedom, but rather fully involved in making the 'Now' of the prison work and deliver contentment. I think Patrick, in one of his comments on the blog, referred to the Buddhist approach which says something along the lines that life IS suffering, and the sooner we accept that the more content and less expectant and disappointed we will be... In my view, that's supporting what I say above: life is like being in a 'suffering prison' - just capitulate and accept it, and it won't feel like a prison, you'll be free!
So, back to here on the ice in Antarctica... Am I in ultimate freedom, or a minute, solitary confinement cell of the worst degree? Well here on the ice it is quite a small 'prison' for me, even in the nothingness of Antarctica. I'm pretty much restricted in what I can do, choices, etc. Yes I can behave speak and think almost without constraint, but essentially it's a tight prison; one of every day involving 11 hours. Hard labour too!
The freedom comes in me voluntarily deciding to step in to explore the Solo to South Pole prison and to experience its restraints! To do this, I need to go through a serious capitulation process, before I can thin k it enjoy my prison. I have to accept that that's what life is, there are no outs, no warder with a key, I'm in for 35+ days, and that's non negotiable. Once I accept that I become pseudo free, and am on the path to contentment in my new life. That's why I felt so unneedy at the halfway point, in my restrained world I had everything!
Yesterday, the very slow terrain made my prison get even smaller, and so today I needed a new paradigm of capitulation to deal with its tighter constraints, or go mad! Some may think that this posting confirms: "I went mad!" On this blog, everyone has Freedom of opinion!
Well, the way I capitulated was to take away my 30 km/day goal, and to just accept whatever distance I do, but for me to get FULLY into the Now of being out here in this special place. And so that's what I did: appreciated the sastrugi, lots of photos, stopped often and took in with awe the 360 degree 'horizonless' space, and spent quality time articulating these freedom/prison capitulation thoughts.
In my book that is STILL 'work in progress', Freedom and these concepts are given very REAL practical support, as adventure by definition creates this extraordinary combination of freedom, and yet a necessary, daily micro prison.
In conclusion, I believe we all need 'prisons' because that's where significant things get done, relationships for me, and huge personal learning can take place. But how can one get Freedom as well? That, to me, is the holy grail of life, and I've tried to get the unlikely combination through the 'Simply Adventure' life philosophy which involves regular breakaways from true freedom into voluntary but highly constrained adventure 'prisons' like this 'stroll to the Pole'.
And finally, I guess I read many of your comments relating to my adventure 'inspiring' you to make some change, embark on your own South Pole.... Yes, that's making the decision not to be content with your 'prison' anymore, and to go explore a bigger and less constraining one, one that takes you closer to REAL freedom.... It needs courage, belief in yourself, and a vision / dream for more out of life... Not really a Buddhist approach, and I'm not saying it's right or wrong; your 'gut' will tell you what's right for YOU!
I can HONESTLY say each time I've made the sometimes hard and lonely decision to break out and seek a new, larger, less restraining prison, I've been rewarded with more freedom, but maybe more importantly, personal enlightenment and spiritual learning...
Many ask me if I ever regret walking away from life in Sydney to 'Simply Adventure', and my answer always remains:
Given what I now know about myself and have experienced in the last 7 years, I'd be 'violently angry' if either the 'dream thief' had come along and taken me off this planet before I could have experienced it, or I was still forced to be living a 'normal' life in Sydney, or wherever! That's just my perspective in the context of ME and all my baggage. How this all applies to you is for you to either instantly dump or work through for your life choices.
That's what day 28 produced...
Damn, if I had been more end goal focused, marched for 12+ hours, I'd only have 190 km to the Pole, instead of the 195km that I do have!
I hope you enjoyed the different day too...?
It's a beautiful, warm -12C outside, TOTAL silence, quite special... The tent will be warm for sleeping tonight.
Bye
Monday, December 19, 2011
Day 27: This is starting to get REAL tough... I fought for every footstep today!
88:00.770S 82:00.450W
Hey this even surprised me: JUST popped over the 88th parallel. Man, that feels good. Particularly after today's struggle! I thought it would be tomorrow's celebration, so left Ruth's lattitude card in my backack... And I'm too cosy in my sleeping bag and the wind has just piped up half an hour ago, so it will have to wait till tomorrow... 'Something' to look forward to!
Elevation: 2 618m. Still climbing every day, and once again ups and downs to get UP, and today one of the big valleys put Sastrugi City of the early days to shame; these were monsters, and sort of terraced down to the valley low point! Funny how there are 'hurdles' on the downhills, so they are virtual uphills too... Man, this is a challenging place! One day (I guess not many left!) I'm hoping I get a downhill where I can sit on my sled and toboggan down! BTW, I checked my notes and South Pole is at 2833 metres, so a bit more UP to go than I had thought!
So today:
Well, I eventually struggled across the 'finish line' on skis exhausted but after having spent 11 hours 8 mins and 31 seconds out there today, I achieved my minimum goal 30.00 kilometres! Yeah, I made the finish line exactly where the GPS 'clicked over' to 30! Exhausted, physically and mentally. A very low productivity day, as my march time was 10 hours, giving me a disappointing 3km/h average... Gee, with a light sled, I was expecting to be averaging 3.6 to 3.8 now, but Antartica says otherwise. It was all about terrain: difficult terrain, and the difficult terrain contaminating my mind!
The day started right on wake up, with me REALLY having to dig me and my tent out of the sastrugi the wind made around us during the night. Much worse than rest day, yet we were there for 1/2 the time. Anyway, other than the biting wind, it was quite fun trying to find the tent pegs a metre under snow! My snow shovel had just the handle showing.
I left in clear blue skies, but the strong crosswind. Prepared for 11 hours of it, I had a new face protection solution. Maybe that frightened off the wind because by midday it was still, but a threat of fog was always present threatening on the horizon, but fortunately not quite engulfing me!
There was lots of sastrugi again, but somehow the ice was softer, so instead of walking ON the ice, each step saw me sink in 2-5 cm, and believe me that aint easy walking. Frustratingly for someone like me, who likes to put in bursts of speed now and again to break the boredom, as I went to accelerate all that happened is that I would sink further into the snow/ice. And it was tiring, and very slow! I needed my North Pole snowshoes, and today would have been 35km! Anyway, would haves, should haves and could haves don't help keep one's spirit in times like this!
I switched to skis three times, but each time the sastrugi rubble was so extensive that I was worse off! Oh well, another capitulation point to overcome, I was in a new 'go even slower' prison! I thought about changing weight loading from my backpack to my sled, but it all seemed pointless. At 90kg I was the fundamental problem, and I need to accept the new prison! So that's what today was about...
I haven't shared with you the scary mind abyss I look into each morning: Can you imagine setting out each day, on YOUR OWN, knowing you are going to spend 10-11 hours in the middle of very cold nothingness, JUST to accomplish 28-32 km of travel to the Pole? If you start thinking what you are going to think in those hours, and how you are going to 'occupy' yourself, you are essentially looking down into a deep mind abyss! You have to quickly 'turn away', and forget that that thought came up, otherwise the abyss will 'take you'. I've learnt now that each day brings a new 10-11 hours, and as someone said in their comment: each day is so different and full of new challenges that one gets consumed by the new 'differences', when the days are all very boring from the macro perspective... It's a strange thing, but the line between contentment and the abyss is so fine I'm too scared to even explore it!
Another area of 'broken spirit' fine line appears sometimes when one is walking along... Actually stumbling along because that's what it essentially is at 3km/h on varying softness, uneven ice. Literally each step has to be conciously managed, and the feedback to the brain (well my brain!) is: My God this is so slow and tiring! That's sort of ok, but every now and again either a step produces an extra deep footprint, or my friend the sled gives me a sharp tug and I come to an abrupt halt. Often mid step, that causes me to do a little cross-foot dance to stay on balance. At this point I see this 'broken spirit' line approach me, and it gets very close to being inside me, as I ponder for a split second how even slower I am now going! So far I have fended off the 'broken spirit' line but I can see it will continue to increase its torment as the Pole gets closer... The game is far from over yet!
I think it was Helen Keller who said: "In adventure we find ourselves." Well I thought by now there was nothing more to find, but yeah just like the last one, there IS more to discover, and I'm discovering it!
Just before starting this blog update to you I received probably the last 4-5 days of your comments from Dominique. Well, guys, it's TRULY overwhelming, and 'yes' we do have something very special going on... It's fantastic, and I want to thank each and every one of you for the sincerity, openess, and very motivating comments. I've said it before, but you won't believe how this helps me keep the 'broken spirit' line away....THANK YOU!
I really need some good sleep now... I need another 30 km and more day tomorrow...
Cheers
Hey this even surprised me: JUST popped over the 88th parallel. Man, that feels good. Particularly after today's struggle! I thought it would be tomorrow's celebration, so left Ruth's lattitude card in my backack... And I'm too cosy in my sleeping bag and the wind has just piped up half an hour ago, so it will have to wait till tomorrow... 'Something' to look forward to!
Elevation: 2 618m. Still climbing every day, and once again ups and downs to get UP, and today one of the big valleys put Sastrugi City of the early days to shame; these were monsters, and sort of terraced down to the valley low point! Funny how there are 'hurdles' on the downhills, so they are virtual uphills too... Man, this is a challenging place! One day (I guess not many left!) I'm hoping I get a downhill where I can sit on my sled and toboggan down! BTW, I checked my notes and South Pole is at 2833 metres, so a bit more UP to go than I had thought!
So today:
Well, I eventually struggled across the 'finish line' on skis exhausted but after having spent 11 hours 8 mins and 31 seconds out there today, I achieved my minimum goal 30.00 kilometres! Yeah, I made the finish line exactly where the GPS 'clicked over' to 30! Exhausted, physically and mentally. A very low productivity day, as my march time was 10 hours, giving me a disappointing 3km/h average... Gee, with a light sled, I was expecting to be averaging 3.6 to 3.8 now, but Antartica says otherwise. It was all about terrain: difficult terrain, and the difficult terrain contaminating my mind!
The day started right on wake up, with me REALLY having to dig me and my tent out of the sastrugi the wind made around us during the night. Much worse than rest day, yet we were there for 1/2 the time. Anyway, other than the biting wind, it was quite fun trying to find the tent pegs a metre under snow! My snow shovel had just the handle showing.
I left in clear blue skies, but the strong crosswind. Prepared for 11 hours of it, I had a new face protection solution. Maybe that frightened off the wind because by midday it was still, but a threat of fog was always present threatening on the horizon, but fortunately not quite engulfing me!
There was lots of sastrugi again, but somehow the ice was softer, so instead of walking ON the ice, each step saw me sink in 2-5 cm, and believe me that aint easy walking. Frustratingly for someone like me, who likes to put in bursts of speed now and again to break the boredom, as I went to accelerate all that happened is that I would sink further into the snow/ice. And it was tiring, and very slow! I needed my North Pole snowshoes, and today would have been 35km! Anyway, would haves, should haves and could haves don't help keep one's spirit in times like this!
I switched to skis three times, but each time the sastrugi rubble was so extensive that I was worse off! Oh well, another capitulation point to overcome, I was in a new 'go even slower' prison! I thought about changing weight loading from my backpack to my sled, but it all seemed pointless. At 90kg I was the fundamental problem, and I need to accept the new prison! So that's what today was about...
I haven't shared with you the scary mind abyss I look into each morning: Can you imagine setting out each day, on YOUR OWN, knowing you are going to spend 10-11 hours in the middle of very cold nothingness, JUST to accomplish 28-32 km of travel to the Pole? If you start thinking what you are going to think in those hours, and how you are going to 'occupy' yourself, you are essentially looking down into a deep mind abyss! You have to quickly 'turn away', and forget that that thought came up, otherwise the abyss will 'take you'. I've learnt now that each day brings a new 10-11 hours, and as someone said in their comment: each day is so different and full of new challenges that one gets consumed by the new 'differences', when the days are all very boring from the macro perspective... It's a strange thing, but the line between contentment and the abyss is so fine I'm too scared to even explore it!
Another area of 'broken spirit' fine line appears sometimes when one is walking along... Actually stumbling along because that's what it essentially is at 3km/h on varying softness, uneven ice. Literally each step has to be conciously managed, and the feedback to the brain (well my brain!) is: My God this is so slow and tiring! That's sort of ok, but every now and again either a step produces an extra deep footprint, or my friend the sled gives me a sharp tug and I come to an abrupt halt. Often mid step, that causes me to do a little cross-foot dance to stay on balance. At this point I see this 'broken spirit' line approach me, and it gets very close to being inside me, as I ponder for a split second how even slower I am now going! So far I have fended off the 'broken spirit' line but I can see it will continue to increase its torment as the Pole gets closer... The game is far from over yet!
I think it was Helen Keller who said: "In adventure we find ourselves." Well I thought by now there was nothing more to find, but yeah just like the last one, there IS more to discover, and I'm discovering it!
Just before starting this blog update to you I received probably the last 4-5 days of your comments from Dominique. Well, guys, it's TRULY overwhelming, and 'yes' we do have something very special going on... It's fantastic, and I want to thank each and every one of you for the sincerity, openess, and very motivating comments. I've said it before, but you won't believe how this helps me keep the 'broken spirit' line away....THANK YOU!
I really need some good sleep now... I need another 30 km and more day tomorrow...
Cheers
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Day 26: A Cold windy day... 31.5 km though!
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| A crevasse seen early in the expedition |
Perfectly on track for the Pole! Compass bearing from my camp the day before was 128 degrees for the Pole, and 128 degrees is what I did today! Well it's not easy to do that all the time, hey! Dodging all thee sastrugi, dosing off, and compass alignment error all make it not a perfect science. Obviously the straighter on course I can go the less distance I have to travel, so the incentive is big!
Elevation: 2503 metres... Just on 200-250 left now... Great, the hills slow me down!
Well the rest did me good. I seemed to have a new 'timeless' approach, and my speed was faster. I dropped the rigorous set march time schedule, and rather went with how I felt, but trying to have as long marches and least breaks as possible. It worked well.
I woke to an almost windless morning and was congratulating myyself on the good choice of rest day... Hmm, the SE crosswind returned an hour after I started, and it's still blowing as hard, if not harder than the rest day. Oh well, at least I could pack up and take the tent down in quiet conditions! By the sound of the wind tonight, I'm not sure that will be the case tomorrow... Hold thumbs!
Early into today's march, I put my foot through some thin ice, and my whole right leg disappeared into blue oblivion, until my crotch and the hole size prevented me going any deeper... Quite amazing when all around the ice looks aged, thick and very stable.
This crosswind, about 70 degrees off a direct headwind, was quite challenging today. Firstly the windchill is quite serious, annd secondly the constant battering wears on one, so by the end of the day I felt mentally drained. Anyway, this was the weather I expected all the way from the start, but I actually haven't had it too bad. I could imagine that this is the weather of the plateau, so I'd better get used to it!
The terrain today was largely uninteresting, just the normal range of sastrugi, although my sled did tip over quite a bit today. Maybe 'reckless' driving.
250 km to go now... I need to just put in soid 30+ km days, and all will be good! Focus, focus, focus....
My fingers are quite sore from cold damage, and tonight trying to pickup individual matches to light the stove was a challenge. Funny how we take this finger feeling for granted, but without it the finger isn't much good!
Feet are off the concern / worry list, so that good. The change to walking sorted it.
So, how are festive season preparations / activities going... Christmas shopping, year end parties etc... GEE, I'm right out off it... Hmmm, not sure I'm missing most of it!
That's all for today. I feel exhausted, and needing some regenerative sleep. It's like being in a sandblasting room. Hope I sleep well!
Day 25: I stayed put and became a Sastrugi
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| Sastrugi "fish" ("The world is round," says Howard.) |
Yep, no change. I have basically stayed right in my sleeping bag, in my cosy little tent since I last wrote to you from this PDA! What a REAL luxury...
It had to happen: A rest day, unplanned (although not totally), but advised by 'Mother Nature'.....
I woke at 4am a bit restless, as it was colder than normal, and the wind had picked up and was rattling the tent quite a bit. Went back to sleep and woke with the alarm at 6am; started all the routines, adding a bit more face and hand protection for the tent de-icing mission outside. The 25+ knot wind was quite biting outside, and a check of the thermometer showed a not-too different -24C. I was all fired up to go, but halfway through breakfast, it just became so clear today is supposed to be a rest day. I thought through it all, whether I'll feel bad tonight, etc, and it all just felt so right... So I decided to see what its like to become a sastrugi!
Yeah, with the wind blowing the way it is and my tent running its direction, we were an instant sastrugi root... The wind files up snowdust as it tears along, and then when it hits obstacles it tries to erode the windward side, and then dump its snow load on the downwind side. I did get out of my sleeping bag (and the tent) twice today, the first thing to check the tent, as there was a strange snow build-up on the one side. This is when I saw how quickly 'we' had been transformed into a sastrugi! There were eroded snow mounds formed in wonderful shapes at the upwind side, and then at the back where the entrance and cooking area is the snow was being dumped on the tent in huge quantities. Basically we weren't the perfect sastrugi shape so were being made into it! It's amazing how quickly it all happens. From inside 'the sastrugi' there is a loud rasping sound as the snow-laden wind tries to do its carving work on the tent.
But what a luxury day... I've never had one like this, all on my own, in the 'middle' of Antarctica, and sitting in one spot for 12 hours, and never bored nor discontent! Lots of little jobs to do, I even had to make a list so I stayed focused! Can't help myself, hey! I sewed, I cooked, I totally undressed, I washed, I changed my underwear, vaselined my abused hands, cut my fingernails, I modified my hands-free compass, charged all my batteries (the electronics ones!), I turfed out (burned) 3 litres of fuel and my garbage, I counted my food, rationed it off, repacked my sled, and then went through my photos and sent some off to Dominique for the blog... I hope they aren't too small...
With all this extra (I certainly hope so!) food and fuel around, I had a wonderful culinary day, ending with half a pot of delicious smoked bacon in a sharp cheddar source.
I then went through my strategy for the next 9 or so days to the Pole.The mindset is critical, I'm far from there yet! This is like a macro size version the 32km mark in a marathon: one can't think about the finish, the end of the suffering, the hot shower, etc, I must just PRODUCE day after day consistent 30+ km days and it will all just happen. Ahead, there will still be some challenges, some amazing times, and I have to just be ready to deal with whatever comes...
On the stark realities side, hearing the wind whistling past outside, I find it very special being warm and cosy inside, however I did think what it would be like if the tent 'gave way'... I'd be in a bad place, particularly if it was at the point I had virtually no gear on... The wind chill is so vicious bare skin doesn't stand a chance... I think it's 30 seconds at the conditions I'm experiencing, and then the skin freezes. When that happens one can't get the very digits to function that one needs to get oneself out of the cold! Quite scary, thinking about that rapid spiral, but only using it to be proactive and more Amundsen-like in my approach! 100 years ago today he was just starting the long 'road' back to base camp... Hmm, that brings up thoughts of my kiteing trip back... Oh, well one step at a time, I cut off thoughts about the return, just getting there for me is a huge challenge.
I thought about 'you guys' a lot, and how special this journey has been together. Although I haven't been able to reply, I honestly feel I'm communicating with each one of you at a very special level. I think it's because 'you guys' are in my thoughts through the day, and I know for many I probably come up now and again too. It's quite remarkable. This was highlighted today when I had a communication problem between the PDA and the satphone, which essentially means I wouldn't be able to send blog emails. I suddenly had this feeling of despair that I'd be losing 'my other half'; it was quite serious and bizarre. Anyway, fortunately I had a spare modem cable that solved the problem, so we can still 'talk'..
Last night I had a good chat with Ruth. It's very special being able to share our individual experiences. I sensed we both got support and a feeling of deep mutual care from the call. She confirmed it's tough, but she is managing well. They were 60km behind, but going faster than me now, and on a slightly shorter more adventurous crevasse-crossing route. Being solo I was dissuaded (it didn't take much persuasion!) to not take that higher risk route. No doubt there will be many stories to share when we meet! [Here's a link to Ruth's expedition - Dominique]
So, I have got 283 kilometres to go to the Pole, about 450 metres of climb, and somewhere between 9 and 12 days. I look forward to this time, and sharing it with you... I know on all the big expeditions I have done, afterwards I always feel I miss the simplicity of life, and the clarity of purpose, and usually regret not appreciating the special time more... So, I'll be trying to live in every moment out here to savour its unique specialness.
Tonight I'll be in bed by 9pm for a luxurius 9 hrs sleep (vs 6 hrs I've been averaging).
Back to the road tomorrow.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Day 24: A much needed Good Solid One!
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| Howard's daily bread |
Oops, yesterday was 87th parallel crossing day, forgot to tell you, but I did enjoy Ruth's card, and a huge whisky celebration, as I tried to minimise throwaway!
Elevation: 2365 metres...114 metres today, but 'hills and valleys' again to get there.
Just the day I needed: a good, solid, mainly non-event day. As you will probably appreciate, every day is an 'ordeal' and a mind and body struggle, so non-event is in that context!
The 'night' snowfall was very light, and even as I was setting out this morning there were still light flurries. As when it snows it was warmer, but as the cloud cleared during the day, it got a lot colder, and I finished with it at -24C. There was a 18-20 knot SE wind blowing for most of the day, making for difficult wind chill with it coming just off the face. Breaks were cold and I so I changed my marches, doing longer ones with fewer breaks, which worked out well, because I got into my warm little tent earlier! 9 hours marched and 30.0 kilometres done! That's 3.3km/h, and pretty respectable, considering that I was once again without skis and just 'stomping' in my boots! I did try the skis for an hour, but I REALLY felt it was slower, and far more stressful.
Still lots off sastrugi, in fact today I saw the biggest monster yet! Most of the big ones have a trailing tail ridge behind the ornate head, and this ridge normally has a close to vertical sheer face that one has to ski, walk down. Well the face of ''the monster' was all of 2m, and I'm supposed to ski off the ledge, hope for a happy landing, and pull 'my friend' over a few metres of towline later!
My whisky bottle flask replacement worked well today, so that's good. Don't think it's a 'Johnny Walker' type bottle, just a 1L Nalgene synthetic 'bottle'. Even with the down jacket insulation, the initial boiling water is almost frozen by day end.
I'm about 4km from the largest crevasse area on route. I'll skirt around it tomorrow, and THEN it's direct no stopping to the POLE! I'd estimate 9-10 days now... but not banking on it!
Some people asked about my food / calories: There is a whole description with photos, on the blog, a posting around 10-13 Nov. In summary I eat about 7500 cal / day, and this is largely fat based. I can also tell you: It's really easy to eat that amount of food when exercising like I am, and being semi cold all the time! In fact I have just eaten my delicious 'tomorrow's breakfast' sandwich, as I was ravenous AFTER a huge dinner! (I'll steal two in the morning from 'the excess' I now have. (Planned for 38 days, and it will almost certainly now take less.)
Not much else to 'report' today... and hope for another 'productive one' tomorrow.
I presume you have all worked out your 3-5 key life activity issues, and have two 'Yes' ticks for the two questions, and so you are in 'Holy Grail', not wasting your life territory!
Lastly on that whole concept, and my 'brief' explanation: It may come across as very 'me', 'selfish', and individualistic driven. It's not exclusive of others, there is a subtle twist in the way I see things. I believe one must do things for oneself, but in doing that others benefit the most, rather than doing things for others and hoping their recognition, appreciation etc, satisfies you. I.e. the goal is to be the best parent, because that's what you have chosen to do, and a spin-off of that is that you will have offspring who you love, care for and have given a lot. But the goal is to be the best parent, that's where the personal height comes in. Continuing, I believe that if you make the goal the other person, then there is risk of an unhealthy dependency relationship, and while that may seem cosy, it's not a source of personal height. The personal height goal / result comes when one achieves something extraordinary for ONESELF. Single-handedly turning a business around is the source of personal height, not the benefits to others, not the huge title / status of the job, nor the financial rewards that go with it. These are all benefits, some for others, but the personal height is within, knowing YOU took on a challenge and did something EXTRAORDINARY.
Lastly, the major discoveries that help millions were driven by a desire to solve a 'difficult' problem, and the scientist, doctor whoever, was magnetised by this challenge. In the process of solving it, he/she gained huge personal height, and ALSO many were given something by it. But the primary motive was the solving of the challenge, rather than the desire to help others... Therein lies my subtle, yet I believe powerful, within (vs others) focus.
That's it from me on 'this stuff', unless there is more 'blog debate...
Thanks again for your SUPPPORT on my adventure... It's really motivating....
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Day 23: No party for me on Amundsen 'day': An important mental victory though...
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| File pic of Howard training on Muizenberg beach, Cape Town |
Elevation: 2251 metres. A new high for the day's elevation gain. Only 500 metres to go before I'm at 'Pole level', and the much-talked-about 'plateau'... I hope it's like a pancake!
Hey, cool, it's snowing lightly outside, whiteout, and I can just hear the snowflakes landing on my tent! I made it in just in time, saw the cloud slowly catching me from behind... Yeah first tail wind so far! Let's see what it brings!
Well a memorious day: 100 years ago today Amundsen reached the South Pole, as the first person to ever 'be there'. I must say my thoughts went to his expedition quite a bit today.... How different it must have been not knowing what to expect all the way and then having to use a sextant to tell him he was at 90 degrees South. It's all too easy to take this achievement for granted, but it was a HUGE one, and so professionally executed! I did also think about the anniversary party, just 'over the hill'. It seems quite strange from the white wilderness perspective I have now... Anyway, salute the man and his team!
What a day! An important one from the mind challenge!
As I always do, I'll share my REAL inner journey, warts and all, not all the superman Hollywood stuff. This expedition was always going to be a SERIOUS mental struggle for me... That's what I signed up for!
After yesterday's horrendous one, I wasn't sure how ready I was for today... In some ways I'd been partially broken, and my confidence dented, and on the other hand I wasn't sure whether it was mental fatigue and I need a break. The latter is a difficult call, as it's far too easy to just take the easy option: rest!
There were a few warning bells today:
- I didn't hear the alarm, overslept (10 mins only!)
- when pulling down the tent, I forgot two tent pegs, still in the ice, but fortunately they wouldn't let me pull the tent up to pack away, so I didn't lose them! I'm normally pedantic about ensuring this doesn't happen.
- then 'crime of the day', maybe the century, I somehow left my thermos flask (very conspicuous brown!) on the ice at one of the rest stops! It's gone - my only one, and the one I use for water on the day's march!
- Lastly, the day's low patch I went through, which I describe below, is also related.
Individually 'accidents', but I'm convinced that these simple 'mistakes' are all mental tiredness issues... I need to be aware that I'm in another mind space, and compensate for it.
We'll the day started with my thermometer showing -23 C, with no wind, so I sensed I was in for a 'cold one', particularly if the 'usual' headwind popped up. I took out the heavy duty layers just in case, but actually it warmed up during the day, and now it's just -16C. But this cold start contributed a bit of an edge to the whole mind picture.
I set out with yesterday's conditions still controlling my body movements, even though the terrain was better. Before I could relax and 'unlearn' the constant sled tugging and me anticipating a fall, I was faced with a long steep (relative) climb. And blow me down, with the hill came the return of the sastrugi army! As I weaved my way up the hill, the pace dropped and at the first 2hr break I was down below 3km/h and quite demoralised. I wasn't sure whether the terrain was as bad as I was making it to be, or I was just on a mental fatigue downward spiral... That's the tough thing being solo: no other reference points. All this negative info, and the constant attention to the terrain made it impossible to get near 'the zone', and so my mind went off into negative territory, making it all worse! Try as I might to convert things into a positive mindset, my mind JUST didn't want to go there. I thought about taking a rest day tomorrow, but that made it worse, as I started mentally experiencing 'heaven' of a day off, right then. The terrain deteriorated till it was as bad as yesterday, albeit different in the sastrugi specifics. And so the downward spiral continued, the next rest showed bad km/h average, and it was here that my tormented mind must have overlooked packing the thermos!
I'd sort of stabilised the situation by agreeing with myself that I need to JUST focus on the now of the next 1.5 hour march, and do it well... I can't do anything about the terrain but I can ski the best I can within it. So off I went, and I was dealing with a new, second level of capitulation. The going GENUINELY was difficult, and the motion quite violent and disjointed, and so in trying to make it more peaceful and soulful, I thought: "Maybe I should rather take the skis off and walk." The ice seemed hard enough, and I thought I'd try it at the next break stop. Well, backpack off, skis off, time to get food and flask..! "I can't believe it, the flask isn't here, I must have left it at the last stop, 4.5 km back! In denial, I searched the whole sled, desperately thinking it may have moved when the sled overturned! Nope, it's gone! No panic, sit down and think through the options! Fast 'gearless' ski back was tops, and I was just about to implement this when I thought, "No, it's probably two rest stops back, because I didn't drink at the last one! Hmmm, ok what substitutes can I use? Pee bottle (cleaned out, of course!!) or whisky bottle, wrapped in my down jacket, yeah one will be ok, no stress! You see the whole Robert Scott approach: I was actually quite excited about the problem I had to solve! It was solved, so now, how does the ice surface feel for walking? "Great, it's really firm, let's' go for it!"
This was an energising, motivating turnaround point for the day, and 5 hours into a miserable one! Energy was flowing again, just a trickle but it was positive and definitely flowing!
Well, the rest is history: as I walked much more relaxed and peacefully I found my soul again, and actually started enjoying it all again... I now marvelled at the previously evil sastrugi, stopped to take photos, and suddenly appreciated the TRULY magnificient landscape I was in... Today was all about hills and valleys, and with the sun angle wonderful shadows were created on the hills and valleys, accentuating the features. I TRULY mean it was beautiful. The first GPS check had me walking at 3.3 km/h, perfect, and good for my foot too... The change of muscles and motion was as good as lying in my tent resting, but I was again moving rapidly towards the Pole, but now soulfully too! I honestly believe that given the terrain I had, walking was the fastest option, as I could just walk in a straight line and power over ALL sastrugi in my way!
It all felt so good, I was back to being balanced and in sync with my environment. It was just like my training off Muizenberg beach, and at one point the shadows created a sea-like feature reminding me of the Indian Ocean next to the beach as I walked in training down there. Aah, but no breakfast and 'flat white' afterwards at Empire!
It was quite eerie as I walked on the ice, ski boots only: occasionally my heel would break through thin ice, and I'd stop and explore around the hole with my ski pole... Hmm, once the whole pole went down into this deep blue cavity underneath... Strange place this, there is lots happening underneath me! No fears, I'm not being reckless, I can sense the general integrity of the ice here. A while back I asked the question: "Why do people walk on skis to the Poles?" The main reason is that the ski provides so much more surface area that holds one up from sinking in soft snow or falling through thin ice / snow.
As my mental strength returned, I decided "Today WILL be a 30km day, and I'll walk till I achieve that... Well, 31.1 km done, in 10 hours. More importantly, I had an important mental victory, in a game that's just starting to get 'interesting'! There will be more battles ahead!
Lastly: I have to dump my whisky tonight. I never thought it, but the bottle now has a more valuable role!
I haven't forgotten the philosophical stuff, just full capacity at the moment!
Last few whiskies then, oh no, turf out the rest, fill the bottle with the morning's water, and then I'm off to bed!
I sense, it'll be a good day tomorrow...!
Cheers
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